


you'll be with me

by TopazGotTheJuice



Series: we'll never fade away [2]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/F, Long-Distance Relationship, choni college fic, issa flashback fic, lovers to... acquaintances? to friends to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:33:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 67,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21875212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TopazGotTheJuice/pseuds/TopazGotTheJuice
Summary: no matter where we go, wherever you go, or wherever i go, i'll be with you. and you'll be with me. i love you antoinette topaz. forever and always.-cheryl and toni thought their love was strong enough to handle a long distance relationship, but four years is a long time and 3000 miles is a long way away.-wherever i go sequel
Relationships: Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz
Series: we'll never fade away [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1285274
Comments: 239
Kudos: 462





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> yep! the college fic is back and it's been completely rewritten. as you see in the tags issa flashback fic! i'm sorry for the long wait, i had to finish role reversal and i wanted to write at least five chapters before uploading the first one. but it's finally here and i'm so excited about this rewrite! 
> 
> first i wanna give a huge shoutout to maria (@endofdaysforme on twitter) for being the biggest hype man every time i send her new stuff to read, even though she yells at me a lot. you'll see why soon hehehe.
> 
> second i wanna give a huge shoutout to michele (@cappuchoni on twitter) for basically being my unofficial beta and giving me ideas and stuff.
> 
> and lastly, without further ado, the college fic! enjoy! ngl it's kinda angsty and there will hardly be any smut so if that's not ya thing, sorry?

_no matter where we go, wherever you go, or wherever i go, i'll be with you. and you'll be with me. i love you antoinette topaz. forever and always._

the words echoed in her mind. the last words cheryl spoke to her, before they had to separate. 

as she sat on the plane, all she could think about was how she was flying further and further away from the love of her life.

she fiddled with the ring on her left hand, and her lips curled into a small smile as she admired the silver band and small diamonds and purple gemstones encrusted into the band. it had only been a few hours since she and cheryl said goodbye to each other, but touching the ring already gave her a sense of calmness. it was a reminder that she and cheryl were in it, forever and always.

_i'll be with you. and you'll be with me._

the words rang in toni's mind like a mantra. replaying in her mind like a classic sitcom rerun or an old cassette tape. repeating those words over and over in her mind, and touching the promise ring on her finger was the only thing that kept her from crying.

she leaned her head against the side of the plane, gazing somewhat longingly at the cotton candy like clouds beneath them. she twisted the ring around her finger, the feeling of it keeping her calm and keeping her tears at bay.

her mind drifted back to the last three months. reminiscing on the most amazing summer she has ever had. cheryl did everything. she did any and everything to make this summer the best for her. they were both dealing with their inevitable split yet cheryl did _everything_ for _toni_.

_she's the one toni._

_she's_ **_your_ ** _one._

_forever and always._

an announcement came over the intercom from the captain saying they were about to land. toni buckled her seatbelt as instructed and peered out the window of the birds eye view of california. she let out a sigh and leaned her head back against her seat.

california was a special place for her and cheryl, and will always hold a special place in her heart. this is the place where they truly fell in love with each other during their summer road trip before junior year. it was the place where they connected emotionally, mentally, physically. it was the place where they truly opened themselves up to each other. it was the place where she knew she wanted to be with cheryl and love her forever and always.

_forever and always._

toni's body rocked from the slight shake in the plane when the wheels hit the ground. toni breathed in deeply through her nose and released the air out of her mouth. she closed her eyes, just for a second. she had been on this plane for four hours, yet being on the ground made it real.

she was now in the place where she would be for the next four years, of course not counting thanksgiving, winter and summer break, as well as the weekends she would go visit cheryl. but still, four years is a long time. 

she collected her backpack from the overhead bin, slid it onto her shoulders, and walked in the single file line out of the plane. she thanked the flight attendant with a nod.

she stood, patiently, at baggage claim. the airport was busy and loud. she plugged her air pods into her ear and opened up her spotify app. she clicked on the playlist titled cheryl, and pressed shuffle, smiling as _favorite part_ by mac miller started playing. 

her two large suitcases were one of the firsts to appear on the conveyor belt and she quickly retrieved them, grunting quietly as she lifted each suitcase off the belt and placed them on the floor on their wheels.

she kept her head down as she walked through the busy airport, focusing on the music echoing in her ears as she made her way to the doors that lead outside. she took a deep breath as she crossed the threshold of the automatic sliding doors and stepped into the los angeles heat. the air was much warmer and felt thicker than the air in riverdale.

she leaned against her suitcase, as she waited for her uber. she smiled gently as the white car pulled up and a middle aged man stepped out of the car and helped her out her bags into the trunk.

as she sat in the backseat, she pulled her phone out of her pocket. she brought her screen to life, it unlocking as it recognized her face and she clicked to open her messages. she pressed her thumb into the first conversation on the screen.

**[you]**  
_hey baby, i just landed. i'm in the car on the way to my dorm._

**[baby <3]**  
_glad you arrived safely. i miss you already._

toni stared at the message with a gloomy smile. it's only been five hours but toni misses cheryl like crazy. she already feels like a piece of her is missing. she almost had an inclination to turn her car around and hop on the next flight out to new york. but she made this decision to follow her dreams and the love of her life was nothing less of supportive.

_we'll be fine. we'll be fine._

she clicked on her face and pressed the call button, instantly calming down the second she heard that airy light and sweet voice say 'hey baby'

" _you okay?"_ cheryl asked when she heard the less enthusiastic 'hey' from toni.

"i just miss you, and wanted to hear your voice."

they talked for the rest of the car ride.

toni knows they'll be fine. toni has never experienced a love like she has with cheryl before. falling in love with cheryl has been the most amazing and incredible experience of her entire life. it even takes prominence over the time she joined the serpents.

cheryl truly is the most important person and their relationship is the most important thing in her life and no amount of hours or miles will ever come between that. toni believes that.

she touched her ring again and smiled to herself.

the car pulled to a stop in front of the large apartment like dorms. after an 'i love you' and a 'goodbye' toni stepped out of the car and grabbed her suitcases out of the trunk. she looked around at the many people who were unloading their cars with the help of their parents and siblings.

toni kept her focus on the weight of the ring around her finger and the playlist of songs she resumed that remind her of cheryl as she walked, alone, into the dorm, rolling her suitcases next to her.

as she stepped inside the pleasantly air conditioned lobby she followed sign with an arrow pointing to the front desk that read check in. she dragged her luggage beside her as she made her way to the short line that led to the front desk.

"hi! name and classification!" and very chipper blonde woman asked from behind the desk as toni stepped up to it. she was very young, toni assumed she was an resident advisor.

"uh toni- uh, antoinette topaz. incoming freshman."

toni watched as the woman swiped through a basket of files starting with the t's. she pulled out a manila folder and set it on the desk in front of her.

"alright, here is your room key, and your student id, that you will need to access this building, and your mailbox key. all mailboxes are down that hall first door on your left. here is a confidentiality form, just for you and your roommate to set ground rules for yourself to avoid getting in a fight or a disagreement about visitors and things like that. so you're all set."

toni nodded with a thank you. she took her student id and her keys and headed for the elevator. once inside she hit the 3 and took a deep breath as she rode up. she was nervous. she has never had a roommate that she didn't know, or has never met before. toni is a pretty friendly person and gets along with everyone who doesn't cross her or her girlfriend but she was still nervous about sharing basically an apartment with a stranger.

the elevator dinged and the doors opened when it landed on her floor and she walked down the hall, reading the numbers on the door until she reached hers.

when toni reached her dorm she heard loud rap music coming from the other side. she took a deep breath and unlocked the door and walked inside. the music got louder as she stepped into the dorm and she saw a girl sweeping the floor and rapping along to every lyric to some song by nicki minaj, she can't remember what it's called. when the front door slammed shut the girl perked up.

she had skin a shade lighter than toni's, and curly brown hair that came down to her shoulders. she was about two inches taller than toni.

"oh shit sorry!" she yelled over the music as she walked over to her bluetooth speaker to turn it off.

"sorry, i like to listen to music when i clean." she said as she set her broom down and made her way towards toni.

"you must be my roommate, hi i'm maya." the girl said as she extended her hand for toni to take.

"toni." she said accepting her hand and giving it a shake.

"don't worry i won't be blasting music like that all the time. i've been here since yesterday morning and didn't know when you'd come."

"oh okay."

"so where are you from?" she suddenly asked and toni was taken aback, not quite prepared for the 'get to know you' talk.

"uh... riverdale. it's about two hours outside of new york."

"cool." she stood there staring awkwardly, half expecting toni to ask her the same question but a few seconds passed and toni stood there silent.

"so uh i guess i'll let you get settled then maybe we can try get to know each other?" the girl said enthusiastically

"uh, sure sounds good."

for the next hour or so toni resided to her bedroom and started unpacking her suitcases, putting most of her clothes in the drawers. she made a mental note to go to the store to get more hangers. she put her shoes neatly on the floor in the closet. she took a large envelope out of her backpack that was full of some of her favorite pictures. most of them were pictures of cheryl, and a couple of her boys, and one of the group photos they had taken at archie's end of summer party, that she had printed.

she laid them all on her bed to admire them and stared at her blank wall that the head of her bed was pushed up against, to envision how she wanted to hang them.

the biggest photo was her favorite photo. it was a picture of cheryl in bed in a onesie that toni had bought them one christmas. she was laughing while trying to hide her face. toni doesn't know why she loved that picture so much but it is her absolute favorite. it showed the playful side of her girlfriend that some people, not even her best friends, got the privilege of seeing.

she picked the photo up and sighed with a soft smile as she just gazed at it, replaying the memory of that day in her head.

" _you look so cute." toni said as she laid sideways across the bed on her side as cheryl emerged from the bathroom in a_ _C_ _hristmas onesie similar to hers._

_"yeah yeah, only you could make me wear a onesie mon tresor, so get used to it cause you won't see me in this ever again."_

_"that's fine." toni shrugged as she stood from the bed and grabbed her camera off the night stand._

_"toni! no!"_

_toni chased her around their room until she tackled her on the bed. she straddled her hips and held her camera up as cheryl tried to hide her face. toni tickled her side causing her to burst with laughter as toni snapped a bunch of pictures to capture the perfect moment._

and it was the most perfect moment.

-

toni spent the remainder of her day in her room. she packed all of her belongings away and shoved her empty suitcases under her bed.

she stood in the middle of her room as she looked around, taking in the place she'll be residing for the year, without her girlfriend.

she sighed and plopped down on her bed. it wasn't nearly as comfortable as the bed at thistlehouse. although it was the presence of a certain redhead that made the bed more comfortable. a rock would be comfortable to toni as long as she had her girlfriend in her arms.

she moved until she head was resting at the foot of the _uncomfortable_ bed. she put her hand under her head as she gazed at all of the photos on the wall. most of them were of cheryl. a sad smile, accompanied by longing eyes, graced her face as she envisioned each memory of each photo in her mind.

she rose her hand up to gaze down at the promise ring cheryl gave her just this morning.

_we'll be okay._

-

"no matter where we go, wherever you go, or wherever i go, i'll be with you." cheryl raised the hand that the ring was on and placed it over her own heart, "and you'll be with me. i love you antoinette topaz. forever and always."

"i love you cheryl blossom. forever and always." toni echoed. she cupped cheryl cheeks and cheryl wrapped her arms around toni's back, sliding them under her backpack, and they kissed. the last kiss they would share for a while. their lips moving together with so much passion.

_last call for flight 315 to california. last call for flight 315 to california._

they both reluctantly pulled away, tears streaming down their face. toni slid her hands down cheryl's arms and taking her hands in hers.

"call me when you land okay?"

"i will."

toni started to back away towards the tunnel. their arms stretching out and their fingers breaking apart when they were too far apart to hold on anymore.

cheryl stood there, tears in her eyes, as she watched toni walk away from her. after showing her ticket to the man at the desk toni turned back for one last look at cheryl, blowing her a kiss, which cheryl caught and patted on her heart, before she disappeared into the tunnel.

cheryl let the tears she's been holding back finally slip out of her eyes and down her cheeks. she had to be strong for toni, but now that she was gone she allowed herself to have her moment of weakness.

she wiped the tears for her cheeks, breathing deeply and squaring her shoulders back before smiling.

_we'll be okay._

_-_

_"hello?"_

"hey veronica. i'm on my way home."

_"okay, josie is on her way over, so we'll meet you at your place."_

cheryl hung up without a goodbye.

-

cheryl rolled to a stop in the driveway, right in front of her home. her home that she has shared with toni for the past two years.

when she got out of the car and walked up to the door, she hesitated when her fingers wrapped around the doorknob.

she took another deep breath and pushed the door open. the home already seemed emptier knowing that toni wasn't there. and it seemed even emptier when she walked into their bedroom.

their closet was almost bone dry, all of toni's stuff was gone and her stuff was packed in the suitcases that sat in the middle of her bedroom. all of the pictures that once hung on the walls, and the polaroids that once lined the mirror on the vanity were gone. half of them currently 30,000 feet in the air, the other half packed away in one of cheryl's suitcases.

the room looked so empty and felt so much smaller.

cheryl walked up to their bed, and ran her hands along the silk. the bed where just last night they spent hours making _a memory_ that would hopefully last them a month.

cheryl flopped her back down on the bed as she retraced all of the memories shared on this bed. it was the first place cheryl told toni she craved her. the place where cheryl asked toni to move in with her. the place where they said 'i love you' to each other for the first time. the place that held so many memories for them.

and now it was empty.

but that was just stuff.

their love would always remain deep within these walls.

about 10 minutes later she heard a car honk from outside. she grabbed 2 of the 3 large suitcases sitting by the door and threw her designer duffle bag over her shoulder and walked out the door to a large white pickup truck. reggie hopped out of the drivers seat and ran over to her to help with her suitcases.

"i got these, there's one more in the house."

"i'm on it." he said before lightly jogging to the opened front door to grab her last suitcase.

after loading her suitcases into the bed of the truck, she locked her front door and hopped in the backseat of the truck to join josie and veronica, who was seated in the front.

"this is it." cheryl said after giving her best friend a hug.

"the first day of the next four years of our lives." veronica smiled turning back to look at her two roommates.

cheryl took one last look at her home through the tinted window. the home she and toni shared. the home that used to just be an empty vessel before toni moved in and made it into a home. the place where so many memories, and so many firsts were shared.

"cheryl, you good?" josie said taking cheryl out of her thoughts. cheryl turned around and offered her a genuine smile.

"i'm... great actually." she answered honestly and josie gave her a smile and nudged her arm before reggie drove the car off the estates.

-

the ride to new york was surprisingly quick. it helped that the fun conversation between two of her best friends distracted her from the fact that she was driving further away from toni. even though it was an almost 2 hour drive it was still in the opposite direction of where her love was currently flying.

once arriving to their home for the next four years the three girls, with the help of reggie, lugged all of their suitcases up the stairs and into their apartment. they put their items in their separate rooms before walking right back out the door and into reggie's truck.

he drove them to a furniture store. the roommates split the cost evenly three ways for a black couch. and they each bought their own separate essentials for the apartment and their bedrooms. cheryl laughed as she listened to veronica and josie debate for almost 10 minutes on bathroom decorations since they would be sharing one. cheryl counted herself lucky that she was the oldest and got the room with the attached bathroom.

after over an hour of shopping reggie took the girls back to their apartment, and they all got started on decorating their apartment and making it homey. the delivery men, with the help of reggie, brought up the couch and set it in the living room facing veronica's, 50 inch flat screen she brought from home, that sat on top of a tv stand they had also just bought.

they all separated into their own rooms to get settled in. before unpacking and unboxing everything she pulled out her phone. she looked down at the lock screen, smiling at the picture of toni kissing her cheek. there was no new notifications, well, none that she cared about. toni was due to land in about 20 to 30 minutes so she threw her phone on the bed and distracted herself by unpacking.

she had unpacked and stored away about half of her clothes when her phone dinged. she dropped the red dress that was in her hands and jogged over to her phone, smiling widely at the text from toni.

**[my love <3]**  
_hey baby, i just landed. i'm in the car on the way to my dorm._

cheryl responded immediately.

**[you]**  
_glad you arrived safely. i miss you already._

she stared down at her phone waiting for the three dots to pop up. instead, a picture of toni popped up as her phone started to vibrate. she hit the green button to answer the call and laid down on the bed with a smile as she brought the phone up to her ear.

"hey baby."

_"hey"_

cheryl furrowed her brows at the less enthusiastic sound of toni's voice.

"you okay?"

_"i just miss you, and wanted to hear your voice."_

"missing me already huh? clingy much?" cheryl joked in hopes to lighten the mood and cheer her girl up.

_"yeah, you're one to talk."_ toni joked back.

"how was your flight?"

_"long. all i could think about was how i'm flying further and further away from you."_

"i know. i thought the same as we drove here."

there was a pause. she heard toni sigh.

_"cher we- we can do this right?"_

"yeah baby, we can."

cheryl talked to toni until she reached her dorm, hanging up with an i love you. and she went back to decorating her room.

after putting her clothes and shoes away, she started hanging her pictures on the wall. and just like toni she recalled every memory from each photo.

she laughed as she looked down at a polaroid of herself laying on top of a car, white crop top on, red bandanna tied around her neck. it was the day of the drag race, sophomore year. it was also the first day she had ever seen or spoken to toni.

_"i usually do the honors."_

_"not today. cha cha. i was born for this moment."_

if only she knew that day that the pink haired serpent would be the girl she would fall deeply in love with.

she continued hanging up the pictures, most of them were of she and toni. some of them were of just toni. she picked up another polaroid. it was a picture of toni, on the grounds of thornhill, holding cheryl's bow, an arrow notched back, her tongue poking out in concentration.

she remembers that day like it was yesterday. the day cheryl taught toni how to shoot.

_"now anchor you hand at the corner of your mouth... perfect." cheryl instructed as she stood behind toni, hands resting firmly on her hips._

_"now relax." she said lowly and pressed a kiss to the back of her head before stepping back._

_"release." and cheryl smiled proudly as toni released the arrow and it hit a few inches below the center of the target._

_"you're a natural baby. draw another arrow, i wanna take a pic."_

that was such a good day. most of her days with toni were good days. who is she kidding, all of her days, even the bad ones, were good days with toni.

when she finished unpacking, she stood back to admire her room. it wasn't even close to how homey her room was at thistlehouse, especially considering one very important thing was missing. but it'll do, since her face was all over the wall.

she was taken out of her thoughts by veronicas voice asking if she was hungry. she was, so the three roommates left the apartment to grab a bite at a local pizzeria.

-

that night, around one am, just as cheryl laid her head on her pillow, her phone ran on her nightstand next to her. she reached over to grab it and a soft smile graced her face as she answered and toni's face popped up on the screen.

"hey baby, are you sleeping?" toni asked, also laying in her bed.

"not before seeing your cute face." cheryl said as she propped her phone up on her pillow and tucked her hands under her cheek.

"how was your day?" toni asked as she mirrored her position.

"'twas good. spent the day organizing my bedroom."

"can i see?"

cheryl sat up and turned her camera around to show toni her room. she went around in a slow circle, stopping at her photo collage, in the shape of a heart, above the head of her bed.

"it's cute baby, although you stole my idea."

"oh?" cheryl asked as she turned her camera back around and laid back down on her bed.

toni sat up and turned her camera around, showing her room to cheryl and stopping on the photo collage above the head of her bed, also in the shape of a heart.

"great minds think alike."

"yes, but we're also just so in tune with each other that we get the same ideas." toni responded as she settled back down on the bed.

"yeah."

a beat passed.

"hey baby?" toni spoke.

"yeah?"

another beat passed.

"nevermind."

"tt what is it? you know you can talk to me."

"it's just... i'm scared."

"scare of what?"

"this distance. what if..." toni trailed off.

"what if what?"

"i don't want to say."

"toni." cheryl spoke softly, but in a tone that told toni she could tell her anything.

"what if... we don't make it."

well this is new. toni was always the strong one. cheryl was the doubter and toni was the reassurer. it's never been the other way around.

_she must really be scared._

"baby. show me your left hand." cheryl saw toni lips twitch up as she put her left hand up to the screen. "you see that ring. that's my promise that no matter what happens in these next four years, we will be together, through it all. it's not gonna be easy baby, we both know that. but that ring, signifies that our love will be strong enough to get us through these next four years. i know you're scared. i'm scared too. but i love you toni. that's all the reassurance i need."

"i love you too cheryl. forever and always."

"forever and always."

and that night, they talked until they fell asleep. and when they woke up the next morning, the call was still going. even though they were 3000 miles apart, still being the first thing the other saw was just another reminder that they would be okay.

_we'll be okay. we'll be okay._

_forever and always._


	2. four years later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> four year time jump! 
> 
> if you are confused about anything in this chapter don't worry, everything will be explained throughout the fic in flashbacks! 
> 
> so yeah enjoy, and uhhhh ok bye *runs away*

**_four years later_ **

toni's breath was heavy, her damp chest rising and falling rapidly. as she climbed the steps she lifted her left wrist up, looking down at her apple watch to check her steps and heart rate. she nodded with a satisfied frown as she reached her apartment door.

she tore her arm band off, the velcro snap echoing down the hall. she grabbed the key that was hidden behind her phone, and shoved it into the lock, twisting it to the right and pushing it open with a tired huff.

she walked into the apartment, her brand new running shoes squishing on the hard wood floor with each step.

"babe?" she called out. when she got no answer she walked straight into the kitchen, dropping her armband on the counter. she kept her airpods in her ear, her head bopping up and down, as her workout playlist continued.

she pulled the refrigerator door open, sighing in relief as the cold air hit her hot body. she pulled out all the contents she needed to make a post run protein shake, keeping the door open just a few more seconds longer to enjoy the cool refreshing air.

with her hands full, she pushed the door closed with her hip, and walked over to the counter, dropping everything down onto the marble. she pulled the blender out of the corner and dropped all of the ingredients inside.

her hips swayed side to side, her head bopping, as she rapped along to the song blasting in her ears.

she put the top on the blender and pressed the button, watching as the assortments of fruits blended together, creating a rich plum color.

as she watched the thick liquid swirl around, she nearly jumped out of her skin with a yelp at the feeling hands sliding around her waist.

she stopped the blender and turned around quickly, removing her airpods from her ear, the owner of said hands, startling perfect white teeth, and dreamy chocolate eyes, smiling down at her.

she placed a play smack to a cotton clad shoulder, although the eye roll signified her annoyance at being startled.

"chase! you scared the hell out of me!" she huffed, but wrapped her arms around broad shoulders, and twirled silky, curly brown hair that was pulled back into a ponytail around her pointer finger.

"sorry, you just looked so cute."

she forgave him instantly, unable to resist his charming smile.

he leaned down, and she smiled against his full soft lips. the kiss was short but tender, and they pulled away slowly, only to lean back in for a quicker kiss.

"how was your run?" he asked.

"it was good, one of these days you're going to join me."

"no can do. you know cardio is not for me. i lift."

"yeah, okay _bro."_ she taunted, lowering her octave to resemble that of a dude bro. she turned around in his arms to resume the blender.

she felt hands slide around her waist again, although instead of flinching, this time she accept the embrace, leaning back comfortably. she felt soft lips paint over her basically bare shoulder, the only thing covering her caramel skin was the thin neon pink strap of her sports bra.

"babe, i'm sweaty."

"you know i don't care."

the smoothie was left behind.

-

"have you registered for graduation yet?" chase asked, much later that day, as he leaned his back against the black metal bars that fenced in the balcony. he blew white smoke out of his mouth and passed the brown rolled paper to the pink haired girl to his left.

"the deadline is on friday, so i'll do it tomorrow." she said as she flicked the ashes into the glass ashtray that sat in between them before putting the blunt in between her lips. she inhaled, watching the orange glow between her eyes. she held her breath for a few seconds before blowing the white smoke out of her mouth and into the thick california heat.

toni would have never considered herself a pothead, before moving to california. up until three years ago she's only ever touched the stuff a few times. it's way more frequent now. and it's one of the reasons why-

_stop. you don't think about that anymore._

"can you believe in a little over a month you'll be a college graduate?"

"it's surreal honestly. these last four years really flew by." toni sighed.

"i still can't believe it's been a year since _i_ crossed that stage. it feels like just yesterday when i talked little freshman toni into joining the photography club."

...

_"can i sit?"_

_toni's head snapped up from where she sat in the cafeteria,_ _to chase smiling and holding a tray full of breakfast food._

_"sure." she smiled as chase pulled his chair back and sat across from her immediately digging into his food._

_"so how was your first day of classes?" he asked after forking a bite of eggs into his mouth._

_"they were cool i guess. didn't really do anything except go over the syllabus."_

_"enjoy it now, 'cause it's about to be full speed ahead."_

_toni just smiled with a chuckle as she cut a triangle of her waffle._

_"how's the mrs?" chase asked, slightly mumbled do his mouth being full._

_"she's good, adjusting well which makes me really happy. i haven't heard from her today yet though, except her good morning text. she should be getting out of class now though."_

_"and, how are you?"_

_"i'm good." toni said unenthusiastically, averting her eyes to focus on her food._

_"toni."_

_she looked up at him to see his head tilted and his eyebrow arched._

_"what? i'm good."_

_"toni, you only came to one event during fresh week. and that party last friday, you spent most of it talking to cheryl. and you refused to leave your dorm all weekend. come on, are you_ **_really_ ** _good?"_

_"it's just... you don't understand, it's hard being away from her."_

_" **i** don't understand? toni, my girlfriend goes to school in texas."_

_"okay, i'm sorry. but it's still hard. we lived together for over a year, saw each other everyday, went to sleep next to each other every night. it's a big change." toni sighed, food forgotten as she placed her elbow on the table and rested her head on her knuckles._

_"i understand how hard it is toni, i mean my girl and i didn't live together but we still saw each other everyday so i understand."_

_"how do you do it? long distance i mean."_

_"it was hard at first, but we still lived our lives. there were days when we didn't talk because we got so busy but we're still in love and we understand that we have shit to do. we still joined clubs and made friends and went out to parties, because we trust each other. and it made our reunions that much more romantic."_

_"yeah i can't wait for that." toni mumbled._

_"you gotta live your life toni, or you're gonna miss out. i'm sure cheryl wouldn't want you spending everyday cooped up in your room just waiting for a text or a call. i know **she** isn't."_

_chase was right. cheryl was living her life, whether it was easier for her or not doesn't matter because she's getting her college experience. toni only has two friends, chase and her roommate maya, who she has basically ignored because she was doing exactly what chase said; staying cooped up in her room, waiting for a text or a call from her girlfriend. she needed to do something._

_she was about to respond when her phone buzzed on the table, a smile instantly growing on her face when she saw the name._

**_[baby <3]_ **  
_i just got out of class, i'm about to go have lunch with veronica. how's your day going?_

_toni sent a quick reply._

**_[you]_ **  
_that sounds like fun baby. it's good. we'll facetime tonight so you can tell me all about your day._

_"so, are there any photography clubs?"_

_..._

"yeah... so much has changed since then." toni sighed as she reached for chase's free hand, adjusting them to interlink, their similar complexion blending perfectly.

"yeah. i never thought we'd be here. but hey, life is crazy huh?"

"indeed, it is."

-

cheryl released a sigh of relief the second she walked through the door of her apartment building. the heavy sounds of the busy streets and sidewalks now muffled behind the closed door.

four years of living in the big apple and cheryl still hasn't gotten used to just how many people walk on the sidewalks. and the traffic of people matched the traffic on the road. it was a lose lose.

don't get her wrong, she _loves_ new york. but it's times like these that make her miss the quiet streets of riverdale, although that's the _only_ thing about riverdale she misses.

she stopped by the mail box, emptying it before dragging herself up the stairs. she reached her apartment with the plan of not leaving for the rest of the day, for she's had a long one.

she walked inside to her two roommates sitting on the couch, watching some nonsensical reality show.

"greetings. i come baring gifts." cheryl announced as she walked into the living room. she dramatically dropped the stack of white envelopes and magazines on the coffee table before excusing herself to her bedroom, waving off the thanks she received from her roommates.

she pushed her bedroom door closed, and walked straight to her closet. just as she worked the button of shorts undone she felt the vibration of her phone that sat in her back pocket.

she reached back to pull it out and smiled expectantly at the notification, swiping it and allowing her phone to read her face to unlock it. she read the text, shaking her head with a gracious smile before quickly typing her reply.

**[babe <3]**  
_i'm free in 30 minutes. going to bring you food. [red heart emoji]_

**[you]**  
_you are too kind. see you soon. [smiley face emoji]_

cheryl quickly rid herself of her day clothes and replaced them with a pair of leggings and a black, spaghetti strapped tank top. and she left her room to join her best friends in the living room.

"aww this is such a good picture." veronica said as cheryl sat down at the end of the couch.

"what's a good picture?" she asked as she pulled her legs underneath her to sit criss cross apple sauce.

"jughead sent us his graduation invitations." veronica responded as she reached down on the coffee table to grab one of the three postcards and handed it to cheryl.

cheryl had to admit, he photographs well. the photo was taken in what she assumed was his schools library. he had on his gown and academic cords. he was dressed in black slacks with a white button up and black tie, and _no_ beanie. the photo was an action shot of him throwing his cap in the air, and he had the brightest smile on his face.

"wow, hobo photographs well." cheryl said with a frown and a nod as she spoke her thoughts out loud.

"cheryl, when are you gonna stop calling that man a hobo like he doesn't have his own apartment now." josie asked with a laugh.

"i will never stop calling him hobo. he doesn't complain anymore. it's our thing now that i consider him a friend."

"well speaking of graduation invitations, have you all sent yours out yet?" veronica asked, leaning forward to the the invitation back on the coffee table.

"yep, sent mine out last week." josie replied.

"nope." cheryl said simply, popping the 'p'.

"you do know we graduate in a month and two weeks right?"

"yes, veronica. i am aware. i simply have not had the time. besides who would i invite anyway. it's not like i have any family. other than nana rose who is too brittle to travel such lengths for an event she could watch on video."

"uh, the serpents?" josie asked.

"i haven't talked to any of the serpents since-"

_stop. you don't think of that anymore._

"well other than my dear cousin and her hobo. and as for my chums, i believe a simple text invitation will suffice."

"if you send me a text invitation to your graduation i will _not_ be in attendance."

"josie?" cheryl blinked.

"come on cher, after all we've been through and you have the nerve to send me a text. please, i want an invitation with your face on it, just like jug, and betty and ronnie, and my boo. so i can keep them as memories."

cheryl rubbed her temple as she released an overly dramatic sigh.

"okay, fine. i will start on an invite list tomorrow."

"can you believe we're graduating college soon." veronica sigh as she flopped her head back against the cushion of the couch.

"these past four years really flew by." josie added.

"i'll drink to that." cheryl agreed.

"it seems like just yesterday we were little freshman." veronica said.

"it seems like just yesterday veronica thought it was a good idea to wear heels to class everyday." josie joked.

"it seems like just yesterday josie was still wearing cat ears" cheryl added in as a laughter started to erupt between the two.

"it seems like just yesterday cheryl went off on, what did you call him? _pencil guy?"_

_..._

_"cheryl blossom."_

_"present." cheryl said after hearing her name being called by the professor. she was sitting in first college course ever._

_"blossom? as in blossom maple syrup?" a guy that was sitting next to her leaned over and asked._

_cheryl was taken by surprise that someone knew of the sugary breakfast topping, but they weren't far from riverdale, so it was no surprise that someone in new york knew about it._

_"yes." she simply replied, staying faced forward._

_when the professor was finished taking attendance she did a quick run down of the syllabus, reminding students that it's online and they can refer back to it at anytime to know what's coming up._

_with 30 minutes left in the class she went straight into the first lecture and students started getting materials out of their bags to take notes. the guy next to cheryl, leaned over once more as she pulled out her laptop._

_"hey, do you have a pen i could borrow?"_

**_it's the first fucking day you should've came prepared,_ ** _was on the tip of cheryl's tongue and if she was back at riverdale high she would not have hesitated to say it. but this was a new city, a new school, and new people, so she just bit her tongue, released a sigh and dug in her bag to hand him a pen._

_"thanks." he said, and cheryl could still see him looking at her through her peripheral vision._

_"what?" she snapped her head towards him, and shot him that signature hbic look._

_"uh, nothing, sorry." he quickly turned his head down to his notebook. cheryl rolled her eyes before focusing on her own work._

_..._

_"dalton_ has a name ronnie."

"yeah, _now_ , and only cause you're dating his sister." veronica replied with an eye roll.

"i still can't believe you two actually ended up dating." josie said.

"well, life has a funny way of working out."

cheryl knew her best friends weren't absolutely crazy about her current girlfriend. they didn't hate her, and they were nice to her, but they aren't as close with her as they were with-

_stop. you don't think about that anymore._

"how is destiny by the way?" josie asked and cheryl smiled at the genuineness in her question.

"she's-"

cheryl was about to offer up a simple 'good' but was interrupted by three knocks coming from their front door.

"she's here actually." her eyes lit up, as she hopped off the couch, jogging to the front door. she opened it and leaned her hand against the door frame. stood in front of her, a girl just a mere inch shorter than cheryl, fair skin and platinum blonde hair, bright blueish-green eyes sparkling back at her.

"hey you." she said, her voice light an airy.

cheryl answered with a kiss.

"i brought your favorite." destiny said as she held up two brown paper bags in the air.

"you're the best." cheryl opened the door wider, allowing the girl to enter.

"ronnie. josie." she greeted casually with a faint smile.

"hey destiny." the roommates said in unison.

destiny knew they weren't crazy about her too. but the three of them were cordial for cheryl's sake, and she had hope that they would come around... eventually.

"come on." cheryl curled her fingers around destiny's elbow and led her back to her room.

_-_

"can you believe you graduate in a little over a month?" destiny asked as she leaned her back against the cool metal bars of the fire escape just outside cheryl's bedroom window. cheryl was sitting directly across from her, leaning her back against the brick of the building.

"i can't believe a lot of things." cheryl responded. she shoved her chopsticks into the empty container and sat it next to her. she reached out to rub her hand up and down destiny's shin.

"you mean us?"

"our... relationship was definitely a plot twist. but... in a good way."

there was a pause as they just stared at each other. destiny took a breath before tearing her eyes away and digging into the paper bag.

"they only gave me one fortune cookie. you want it?"

"sure." cheryl took the cookie out of her hand and split the middle to pull the white paper out.

"keep your eye out for someone special." she read the fortune out loud before looking up at the blonde with slightly hooded eyes. cheryl dropped the fortune into the empty container and motioned destiny forward with her finger. the blonde crossed the space and straddled cheryl's lap. cheryl dropped her fingers gently on her outer thighs.

"i already have."


	3. invitations (part one)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter is completely cheryl focused, as she decides whether or not to send toni a graduation invitation.

the end of a bic red inked pen sat against a pale plump lip, as perfectly rounded, red manicured fingers strummed against a yellow notepad. she smacked her lips before removing her pen from her lips and tapping it against the notepad, rhythmically.

a pale leg was thrown over a pale leg, tucked under a spotless desk, except for a small collection of textbooks, held together by bookends in one corner, and a cup full of pens and pencils in the other.

cheryl released a breath, her lips vibrating together as she stared down at the list of names she had written down, red ink bleeding into yellow college ruled paper.

after staring at the list for some time she clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and slammed the pen down on top of the paper. she bent down to grab a small cardboard box that sat under the desk and dropped it on top the list. she opened it up and pulled out one of her graduation invitations that she had printed.

she doesn't quite know why she is stressing so much about who to send invitations to. her list is rather short.

_destiny_   
_veronica_   
_josie_   
_archie_   
_betty_   
_jughead_   
_reggie_   
_dalton_   
_sweet pea?_   
_fangs?_

it was the last two names that was causing her to overthink so much. from their last couple years of high school up until the split cheryl had been so tight with those boys. but she has hardly spoken to them since break up. the only interaction they've had is a like or comment here and there on instagram.

she knows they don't dislike her. but their friendship was held together by a certain puzzle piece. and once that piece was gone, they lost that closeness. but she figured it would be nice to still send them an invitation. they are still family after all. that red leather jacket still hangs in her closet.

but now, as she stares at this list, that puzzle piece has suddenly entered her brain. she hasn't thought about her in a long time.

she was taken out of her thoughts by the sound of a knock on her open bedroom door. she turned as veronica walked into her room.

"hey we were thinking about going to grab some food, wanna come?"

"sure. i could use a little fresh air."

veronica walked up to her, gazing over her shoulder at the list that sat on her desk, and the box of graduation invitations.

"figuring out who you're inviting to our graduation?" veronica asked as she sat down on the edge of cheryl's bed.

"yep. it's a small list, but a list nonetheless."

veronica took a couple seconds to read all of the names, her eyes squinting as she read the last two names.

"sweets and fangs?"

"yep. i know we haven't spoken since... in a while but, we were really close at one point and we're still serpents you know, so i'll send them one and if they come that's great and if not that will be fine too."

cheryl's brows tilted forward in confusion when she noticed veronica shift in her seat nervously.

"um... speaking of serpents." the raven haired girl started and cheryl arched in eyebrow in response. "i..."

"out with it lodge."

"i may have... sent toni a graduation invitation."

"you _may_ have?" cheryl crossed her arms and threw one leg over the other.

"okay, i have. we still talk and stuff so i sent her one."

"and you didn't think to converse with me about it before sending her an invitation to _our_ graduation."

"well, no because one, she's my friend and two, i thought since you two ended on good terms it would be fine. plus you're both dating other people i didn't think it would be an awkward situation. besides, you put reggie's name on your list without consulting _me._ and hell, even archie. _"_

"okay that's different."

"how?"

cheryl paused.

"okay maybe it's the same, but _you_ also sent reggie _and_ archie invitations so it's not as big of a deal if i do. i still wish you would have at least _told_ me before sending toni one."

"would you have told me not to if i did?"

cheryl opened and closed her mouth, rendered speechless by veronica's question. would she have said no? she honestly had no idea what she would have told veronica to do if she had asked her about it prior to sending one.

cheryl and toni did end on somewhat good terms, doesn't mean they're buddy buddy, and the thought of having to see her again after basically a year of silence... of course it would be awkward.

"cheryl?"

"hmm?"

"now, i may be going out on a limb here but, maybe... you should send her an invitation too."

"pardon? and why, pray tell, would i do that?"

"because it's a momentous occasion. a huge milestone in your life. and yeah you aren't dating anymore but at one point she was the most important thing in your life."

cheryl flicked her tongue over her top lips, her eyes rolling.

_why the hell is veronica bringing this up now?_

her best friends haven't even mentioned toni, they haven't said her name nor mentioned the relationship in almost a year. so why would she be bringing this up now.

"i know you've moved on, and you're happy with destiny and it's been forever since we've even talked about this but i just... it's still so surprising that you two aren't together anymore. i mean you were each other's forever and always. you gave her a promise ring and everything. i thought for sure you'd be together forever."

"i did too but... 3000 miles is a great distance away and four years is a long time. things happen. things _did_ happen."

"i know but, you two were so happy. you were so good and you were handling the distance so well."

...

_cheryl quickly shoved her key in the lock, basically ripping the door of its hinges as she rushed into the apartment._

_she walked in to her roommates sitting in the living room laughing loudly at something on the tv. they immediately turned their attention to cheryl as she tried to rush into her room._

_"hey! you're back. come hang with us! we just ordered a pizza!" veronica cheered before cheryl could get down the hall._

_"maybe later. toni and i are scheduled to facetime in three minutes."_

_"come on, you facetime every night-"_

_"exactly josie, and i don't plan on stopping that any time soon. now if you would excuse me." and cheryl nodded before making her way down the short hallway and into her bedroom._

_she lazily dropped her book bag on the floor by the door and jumped onto her bed, flipping over onto her back. she plugged her charger into her phone and raised her phone in the air, staring at the picture of she and toni on her lock screen, as she waited for the call from her girlfriend._

_and exactly three minutes later, cheryl lips grew into a wide smile as her phone started to vibrate in her hand. she answered immediately._

_"good evening my love." cheryl smiled as she stared at the most beautiful girl she has ever laid eyes on._

_"hey sexy." toni smiled from her position on her bed. "i miss you."_

_"i miss you too. how was your day?"_

_"it was good. just got back from shooting with the crew."_

_"ooh what location did you venture off to today?"_

_"we just went on another hike, and took some landscapes."_

_"sounds beautiful baby, i can't wait to see the pictures. did you and your chums go eat afterwards?"_

_"they did. i told them to go ahead without me."_

_"why?" cheryl tilted her head._

_"because the last time i did i missed our first facetime call. i felt so bad, and i don't want to miss another call. i **will not** miss another call."_

_"oh toni. sacrificing your time just to talk to me."_

_"it's not a sacrifice baby. i'd give up all the time in world if i could talk to you all day long. i love you more than anything."_

_"i love you so much, my love."_

_..._

"we were. but like i said things happened and that's not us anymore. i'm happy with destiny and i'm sure toni is happy with chase. sending her an invitation would just... not be the best idea. i know you sent her an invite and if she comes then that's okay because it won't be for me. it will be for you."

"but-"

"veronica please. i'd rather not discuss this any further. i've moved on. please respect that."

"you're right. i'm sorry. you still wanna get food with us?"

"of course, give me a minute and i'll be ready."

-

cheryl really wanted to slap veronica. she wanted to walk right into her room and just smack her in her sleep. and not for _no reason._ oh she had a reason. she wanted to smack her for forcing thoughts of toni back into her head. thoughts that she hasn't had in a long time.

and they weren't romantic thoughts in any way, it's just the fact that her ex was in her head at all irked her.

and now she was over thinking about those stupid graduation invitations and that stupid list that still sat atop her desk.

_should i send toni an invite? no i shouldn't. she's my past. but veronica sent her one, she could show up anyway. but it wouldn't be for me. but-_

she audibly groaned as she kicked her legs underneath her sheets. she banged her fists over her mattress as she stared up at the ceiling.

she rolled over onto her side and reached for her phone that sat on her desk. she pulled the charger out and tapped the screen to bring it to life.

it was only one in the morning, which isn't really that big of a deal, but during the week cheryl liked to be asleep by midnight, unless she has a heavy work load, which she currently does not.

as she stared at her lock screen, a selfie of she and destiny in her car making silly faces, she knew what would help her fall asleep. she unlocked her phone and went to her message app and clicked on the top conversation.

**[you]**   
_are you awake?_

she stared at her screen for almost a minute before those three dots popped up.

**[baby <3]**   
_always awake for you. are you okay?_

**[you]**   
_i cant sleep *frown face emoji*_

**[baby <3]**   
_i'll be there in 10._

cheryl didn't reply. she just smiled and put her phone back into the charger, laying it on the desk.

she rolled back over onto her back, intertwining her fingers and resting on her stomach.

she groaned again. thoughts of toni flooding back into her brain. they weren't romantic thoughts. no not at all. but the fact that thoughts of her were in her head period, made her groan frustratedly.

she couldn't stop thinking about what veronica said.

_you were each other's forever and always._

_you two were so happy._

_you were so good._

and at one point they were good. they were so good. but that's not them anymore. so much has happened.

_but you're fine now. you ended on good terms right? why not invite her to your graduation._

now cheryl wanted to slap that inner voice if she could. now, as she lie awake, waiting for her girlfriend, she could help but think about that.

what if she did invite toni? would it be so bad? she's happy with destiny and toni is happy with chase. they've both moved on. and she considered toni a friend, right? veronica sent her ex an invitation. and all of their other friends are coming to new york for she and veronica's graduation and josie's graduation the next day. and jughead and betty's graduations the following weekend. and toni is still friends with them too. and she's pretty sure they've all sent her an invite to their graduations. what if she doesn't show up because cheryl is the only person who didn't send an invite? then she'd miss all of her friends graduating from college all because cheryl didn't send her an invite.

she was taken out of her thoughts by the sound of her phone vibrating on her desk. she reached for it and brought it to life, smiling with relief at the message on her lock screen.

**[baby <3]**   
_i'm here._

cheryl threw the covers off of her body and quietly walked out of her room to her front door. she gently opened the door, wincing at the creaky sound as destiny slipped inside, and she shut the door.

"hey." destiny greeted in a whisper.

"hey." cheryl whispered back and she grabbed destiny's hand and led her back to her bedroom.

"is everything okay-"

before destiny could finish her sentence cheryl pulled her into her by her waist and greeted her properly with a crashing kiss, the other girl gasping in surprise.

"not that i'm complaining but, what was that for?" destiny asked after they pulled away with a loud smack.

"just really glad you're here."

"i'll always be there for you in heartbeat babe. is there... something you wanted to talk about? as to why you can't sleep?"

"tomorrow my dear. right now i just want to cuddle." cheryl said as she pulled destiny towards her bed.

"oh, so this isn't a booty call?" destiny smirked coyly.

"hmm, i mean, it can be." and the two giggled quietly as cheryl removed destiny's jacket.

she was grateful for the current distraction, she just hoped her girlfriend wasn't mad about the topic she planned on bringing up tomorrow.

-

"so there was something you wanted to talk about baby? why you couldn't sleep last night?" the clicking sound of silverware tapping against plates, and the constant chatter filled the ambience of the restaurant in which cheryl and destiny currently sat.

cheryl had been avoiding the conversation. even now as she swirled a triangle cut piece of french toast in the pool of syrup. she brought the piece up to her mouth, closing her lips around the fork and pulling the soaked piece of french toast off, chewing slowly as a way to further delay the conversation.

"baby." destiny said more firmly but not unkindly.

cheryl swallowed thickly and took a sip of water. she smacked her lips and released a sigh.

"so here's the thing. veronica sent a graduation invitation to toni." cheryl rushed out and watched closely as destiny's face slightly hardened.

"oh..." she said as she sat back in her seat.

"would that be a problem for you if she were to come?" cheryl asked.

"would it be a problem for _you?"_

"of course not." cheryl smiled as she reached across the table to rest her hand on top of destiny's.

"then it's not a problem for me."

"that's good because... i was thinking... about... sending her one as well." cheryl said much more slowly than the first piece of information.

"what?" destiny gasped as she removed her hand from under cheryl's.

"babe-"

"why would you want to send your ex-girlfriend and invitation to your graduation?"

" _babe."_ cheryl repeated more firmly. she flipped her hand over, palm side up, and tapped it against the table. she looked between destiny's eyes and her hand over and over until the blonde sighed and put her hand in cheryl's.

"because all of our friends are gonna be there. not just for me but for veronica, and josie, and betty and jughead the next weekend. and they're her friends too."

"but i still don't understand why she needs an invite from you. she's already getting one from veronica."

"think of it this way. all of them; veronica, josie, jughead and betty. will be sending her graduation invitations. if i am the only one who doesn't send her one then she might not come as to not make it awkward or whatever for me. which wouldn't be fair."

"so you're only sending her one so she can come support her other friends without feeling some kind of way about seeing you."

"well yes and no. things ended somewhat okay between us. and we've both moved on and are happy, _right?"_ cheryl tilted her head down and raised her eyebrows in question.

"of course i'm happy... it's just... you and toni have so much history."

"exactly. _history._ meaning it's in the past. you are my present. and besides i haven't decided yet. i said i was thinking about it. i just wanted to talk to you about first. but if you'd rather me not send her one then i won't, out of respect for you."

cheryl watched as destiny was silent, clearly pondering cheryl's words. even though cheryl was asking her girlfriend how she felt about it, she was still torn. part of her wanted destiny to say no, but the other part of her wanted destiny to be okay with it.

this is really all veronica's fault. if this were two days ago, cheryl wouldn't have even thought twice about not sending toni and invite. actually, the thought would've never crossed her mind. but she just had to bring up all that _stuff_.

but then again, maybe it needed to be brought up. it would've been worse if she had been completely blindsided by toni showing up to her graduation.

"you can send her an invite if you want to. you're my girl. i have nothing to worry about."

cheryl smiled.

"come here." cheryl stood up in the booth and destiny followed. they leaned over the table to meet in the middle for a kiss.

-

once again, cheryl sat at her desk, a red bic pen resting between her lips, as she stared down at the list, red ink blending into yellow paper. she removed the pen from her lips and tapped it rhythmically against the note pad.

she had gotten the green light from her girlfriend to send toni an invitation. but for some reason she just couldn't write toni's name down on the list.

destiny's words kept replaying in her head like a broken record.

_you and toni have so much history_

_so much history_

_so much history_

it's true. they did. so much history. history that cheryl hasn't thought about in such a long time. but at one point toni was such a big part of cheryl's life. at one point toni was the most important thing in cheryl's life. at one point they were extremely happy and were in it for the long run.

...

_"guess what happened today, baby?" toni mumbled from cheryl's laptop screen, her mouth full of the turkey sub sandwich she just bit into._

_"what happened." cheryl asked, popping a french fry into her mouth. she and toni were currently having a facetime dinner date._

_"when i was in the dark room today, someone asked about my ring, wondering if i was engaged."_

_"what did you say?" cheryl giggled._

_"i said not yet, and that it was a promise ring given to me by my extremely sexy girlfriend... okay maybe not that last part, but it was implied."_

_cheryl stared at toni with an affectionate smile, her eyes doughy, looking at toni with the softest expression._

_"what?" toni asked._

_"just- you said not yet."_

_"well of course. we're getting married."_

_"oh are we?" cheryl grinned broadly. the sarcasm evident in her voice._

_"is that not what you meant when you put this ring on my finger? that we would end up there someday." toni asked as she lifted her hand to show cheryl the silver band encrusted with diamonds and topaz gemstones._

_cheryl paused to stare at her in pure wonder and adoration._

_"that's exactly what i meant. and i really can't wait to ask you officially... one day."_

_"not i if i ask you first... one day."_

...

cheryl knew that wasn't them anymore. they were with other people. but toni was once the most import person in cheryl's life. and she wanted her to be there for one of the most momentous occasions in her life.

and who's to say toni would even come. she might have her own stuff going on that weekend. but she at least wants toni to know that she would like her to be there.

cheryl tapped the pen rather hard against the paper before ripping the cap off.

_destiny_   
_veronica_   
_josie_   
_reggie_   
_archie_   
_betty_   
_jughead_   
_dalton_   
_sweet pea_   
_fangs_   
_toni_


	4. invitations (part two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is completely toni focused as she plans to send her own graduation invitations.

shoulders slumped in exhaustion, toni unlocked the front door to her apartment, smiling and perking up as the smell of pasta sauce hit her nose. she dropped her bag lazily on the floor and ripped the velcro of her visor apart and set it on the kitchen island. she walked into the kitchen and up to the man working away at the stove, wrapping her arms around his middle and burying her face into his hoodie clad back, releasing an audible sigh.

"hello to you too." chase said with a chuckle as he continued to stir the pasta sauce. "hungry?"

"starving."

chase turned in her arms to greet her properly with a kiss before returning to the task at hand.

"how was work?" he asked as toni hopped up on the counter next to the stove.

"crazy busy. we're nearing the end of the year so everyone's getting their caffeine fix before going to the library."

"and how was maya?"

"same old. still annoying." toni deadpanned, causing chase to laugh.

"still can't believe you two were ever roommates."

"hey, everything was fine until she ruined it."

chase just shook his head with a slanted smile in response. he opened the drawer on the opposite side of the stove and pulled out a silver spoon. he stirred it around before scooping some of the red sauce into the spoon. he held it up to his mouth and blew a few times to cool it before holding it out to toni's mouth, who leaned forward to wrap her lips around the spoon with a satisfied hum.

"mmm it's perfect."

"excellent."

chase took two plates out of the cabinet next to the microwave that hovered over the stove and stacked the pasta onto them before covering them with the red sauce. the two sat down at the island to eat before retiring to the living room to relax.

toni had since freshened up and changed into comfortable sweats and a black camisole. her legs were resting in chase's lap as he dug his fingers into the bottom of her feet. they were enjoying pleasant conversation as soft r&b played through the portable speaker that sat of the coffee table.

"i still can't believe i graduate in four weeks," toni hummed.

"oh! speaking of graduation, these came for you." chase moved toni's legs off his lap and walked over to the kitchen island to grab two white envelopes. he extended them to toni before plopping back next to her.

"aww." toni smiled as she looked down at the first envelope, the return address reading  _ forsythe pendleton jones III. _

she set the second envelope on the coffee table and ripped open the one in her hand. she sighed with a gooey frown as she pulled out the graduation invitation, eyes widening in awe of how well jughead photographed.

"aww jug," she singsonged.

"wow this is pretty good. he's a natural," chase commented.

"why don't you date  _ him _ then." toni nudged his chest playfully.

"you thinking about going?"

"maybe. it's two weeks after mine. wanna take a trip to boston? maybe we can stop by riverdale and visit my grandpa."

"ooh, you had me in the first half."

"come on, babe, you're not still afraid of my grandpa are you?"

"uh duh. you know he hates me."

"he doesn't  _ hate _ you. he just hasn't gotten much time to get to know you or spend time with you."

"i don't know, babe."

"you're so cute; come here." toni gripped his chin and turned his face to face her, and she leaned in a captured his lips. "it's gonna be fine. and even if it isn't, he's too old to fight now."

"what?" chase snapped away from her embrace, causing toni to burst into laughter.

"i'm just kidding... sort of." toni giggled, and chase rolled his eyes in response before reaching for the second envelope on the table.

"what about this one?" chase asked, his voice much softer and more timid, as he handed the envelope to toni.

toni grabbed it, and her smile faltered a bit when she read the name of the return address.

_ veronica lodge. _

toni was silent as she opened up the envelope. she pulled out a purple and black card with three pictures of veronica on the front and the information for her graduation in the middle. she could see chase in her peripheral vision, looking at her nervously, and she knew why.

veronica is graduating from nyu. that means so is cheryl.

"so um... are- are you gonna go to that one? you know it's-"

"at nyu, i know," toni said as she looked down at the invitation, her lips twitching in the smallest hint of a smile, and if chase noticed, he didn't say anything.

"are you... gonna... go?" chase said slowly, and toni could feel the nerves radiating off of him.

"if i did, would that bother you?"

"i mean... you know who will be there."

"you can say cheryl, babe. you aren't worried about me possibly seeing her if i went, are you?"

"well yeah. i'm not insecure or anything, but i know how in love you two used to be. i've witnessed it first hand."

...

_ "baby!?" toni shouted as she spotted that vibrant red hair between the sea of bodies in the busy airport. _

_ she wove through people, trying her best not to push slow walkers out of her way as she ran towards that beautiful head of red hair. _

_ "baby!" _

_ "toni!" cheryl turned around at the sound of her voice and met her half way. they were both jogging with their arms open and crashed into a loving embrace, their faces buried in each other's necks. _

_ "i've missed you so much." toni mumbled before puckering her lips to press a kiss to the warm skin of her neck. _

_ they pulled away, and cheryl cupped toni's cheeks before leaning in for a greeting kiss. toni wrapped her arms tighter around her back as their lips moved together. _

_ toni forced herself to pull away before they got too carried away in the middle of the busy airport. _

_ "i've miss you too, my love," cheryl breathed, leaning in to steal one more kiss. over a month with no physical contact, she couldn't help herself. she pulled away and tucked a piece of hair behind toni's ear. _

_ "california looks good on you, baby. you look so beautiful." _

_ "thank you. so do you. you ready?" _

_ "yes, i can't wait to cuddle up with you." _

_ toni grabbed cheryl's duffle bag and swung it over her shoulder. she interlaced her fingers with cheryl's and led her out of the airport and into the uber she ordered. _

_ they stayed cuddled together the entire ride to the dorm and fingers stayed connected the entire walk up to her room, toni only letting go to unlock her door, before immediately finding her hand to lead her inside. _

_ they were giggling, mid conversation, then toni's smile faltered when she saw her roommate sitting on the couch, eating a bowl of ramen. _

_ "oh hey, i thought you were visiting your friend this weekend?" _

_ "i'm about to head out, just wanted to eat something first," maya said as she slurped the last bit of ramen into her mouth. she stood up from the couch and walked over to the trash can in the kitchen to throw away the styrofoam cup. _

_ "well, cheryl, this is my roommate, maya. maya this is my girlfriend, cheryl." _

_ "pleasure to meet you." cheryl smiled as she stuck her hand out, maya accepting it in a shake. _

_ "likewise. wow, you're even more beautiful in person." _

_ "okay relax." toni rolled her eyes as she grabbed cheryl's free hand. "now can you please leave? i'd like to catch up with my girlfriend in private." _

_ "say no more; i'm out of your hair. have a great weekend," maya said as she walked towards the front door, picking up her duffle bag that was waiting next to it. _

_ "you too," toni responded, and as soon as the front door closed, she pulled cheryl into her by her shirt and captured her lips in a heated kiss, the girl gasping in surprise. _

_ "someone's eager." cheryl giggled against her lips. _

_ "six weeks babe. six weeks," toni said as she walked backwards towards her room, pulling cheryl with her. _

_ - _

_ "shit," toni gasped as she rolled over and flopped down on her back next to cheryl. "God, i have missed you so much." _

_ "ditto, my love." cheryl breathed out heavily. they took a few moments to relax and regulate their breathing, before toni moved closer and rested her head on cheryl's chest. _

_ "what time is it, babe?" she asked, and cheryl reached over to grab toni's phone off her night stand, tapping the screen to bring it to life. _

_ "5:47. why, you have somewhere you need to be?" cheryl joked. _

_ "no, somewhere  _ **_we_ ** _ need to be. chase wanted to treat us to dinner at 6:30." _

_ "guess we better get up then," cheryl said, but neither girl made a move, nor did they want to. _

_ which is why they arrived at the restaurant 23 minutes late. _

_ "ahh, 'bout time you two showed up. i've been here for hours," chase said as toni and cheryl walked up to the table, hand in hand. _

_ "relax, we're only like 20 minutes late." _

_ "actually, it's... 6:53. you're 23 minutes late." chase said as a matter of factly as he checked the time on his phone. _

_ "well, we're here now, and you're being rude," toni said jokingly, resting her hand on cheryl's thigh underneath the table. _

_ "you're right. my mistake. cheryl, it is so good to see you again," he said directly to cheryl, causing toni to roll her eyes. _

_ "likewise, chase. i haven't seen you since our campus visit during the summer. did your hair get longer?" _

_ "it did actually, thanks for noticing." chase said as he flipped his curly hair over his shoulder. _

_ "um, excuse me i haven't seen you in over a month. can you pay attention to me now?" toni said with a pout as she turned to face cheryl. _

_ "aww, ma cherie." cheryl mirrored her pout before leaning in and placing a slow peck to toni's lips. she pulled away just as slow but kept their faces close together. "did you not get enough...  _ **_attention_ ** _ from me this afternoon?" _

_ "i guess not. a month and a half is a long time without the love of my life by my side," toni said before leaning in for another peck. _

_ "did you forget i was here or something?" chase suddenly spoke up. _

_ neither girl replied, their eyes remaining locked on each other as toni caressed cheryl's jean clad thigh under the table. _

_ "ugh, can you two not be so obnoxiously cute? you're third wheeling me." _

_ "sucks," toni said, her eyes still locked on cheryl's, but her soft expression hardened when she felt a small piece of bread hit her face and bounce onto the table. _

_ "hey," she gasped, tearing her eyes away from cheryl to pelt chase with the same piece of bread, the boy dodging it with a laugh. _

_ "baby, he's right; we're being rude," cheryl giggled. she wrapped her fingers around toni's neck and scratched her skin gently with her fingernails. "chase is generous enough to treat us to a lovely meal; the least we can do is give him our full attention. and after dinner you'll have me all to yourself for the rest of the weekend." cheryl finished with a kiss to toni's cheek. _

_ "you're right, you're right. chase, you have our full attention... after this." toni leaned in to steal one last kiss. she pulled away with a laugh when she felt another piece of bread hit her face. "sorry, i just needed one more." _

_ - _

"yeah, at one point we were but... that's not us anymore. and besides,  _ veronica _ sent me an invite not her, and she probably isn't even thinking about sending me one. so if we went, it would be to support ronnie.

"yeah, but what if you see her?"

"then i see her. i'll say hi and congrats... but you don't have to worry."

chase turned to look at toni, but she could still see the uneasiness on his face.

"come here." toni wrapped her hand around his neck and brought him in for a kiss. "yes, cheryl and i have history, but that's exactly what it is. history. in the past. and  _ this-"  _ toni put her hand on his chest, "is everything to me right now, okay? so stop worrying."

"you know what would help me stop worrying?"

"what?" toni arched an eyebrow with a smirk, already knowing where this was going. even though she expected it she still gasped with a laugh when chase scooped his arm under her legs and lifted her from the couch, basically running into the bedroom.

-

later that night, just after midnight, toni laid awake in bed, a heavy yet comfortable weight resting on top of her, the hairs of his beard tickling her skin as his face was hidden in the crook of her neck.

but as she laid there, trailing her fingers up and down his bare back, her mind was on someone else. a certain redheaded woman.

she couldn't help but be a little disappointed when she received veronica's invitation. disappointed that cheryl did not send her a graduation invitation. she knew she shouldn't be, and she feels that maybe she doesn't have a right to be. cheryl is her ex girlfriend after all, and they're both dating other people.

but at one point cheryl was the most important person in her life. she was her everything. and yeah, they're not together anymore, but they ended on somewhat good terms. and toni thought they were in a place where they could celebrate each other's accomplishments and be happy for each other.

she gently reached for her phone, not even worrying about being gentle because chase could sleep through an earthquake. she unlocked her phone and opened her notes app. she scrolled to the note titled  _ grad invites. _

_ chase  
_ _ grandpa  
_ _ photography crew  
_ _ fp   
_ _ sweets  
_ _ fangs  
_ _ jug  
_ _ betty  
_ _ ronnie  
_ _ josie  
_ _ cheryl _

she stared at the last name on the list. she released a sigh as she deleted the name. she locked her phone and set it back on her night stand before relaxing into her bed.

-

_ a few days later. _

"guess what i just got?" toni singsonged as she entered the apartment. she skipped into the living room, finding it empty. she furrowed her brows in confusion when a certain smell hit her nose, and she noticed the the screen door to the balcony was cracked open. she huffed and stomped outside to find her boyfriend sitting on the ground, leaning back against the railing, a lit blunt in his hands.

"did you really roll one without me?"

"sorry," he said barely above a whisper.

"look what i got! my graduation invitations finally came in today!" toni bounced in her toes with a giddy smile, which gradually turned into a frown when she noticed the expression on chase's face.

"babe? what's wrong?" toni furrowed her brows as she took a seat next to him on the ground. he passed her the lit rolled paper, and she took a hit before he revealed a white envelope.

"this uh... this came for you," chase said and he handed it to toni.

toni took it out of his hands with a confused expression. she flipped it over to the front and stifled a gasp as she read the name on the return address.

_ cheryl blossom. _

she turned to look at chase, who had leaned his head back against the railing with a dull thud.

"well... you gonna open it? although, i have an idea of exactly what that is," he said as he took the blunt out of toni's fingers.

toni turned to look down at the envelope, her own name and address written in cheryl's hand writing and signature red ink. she shimmied her finger underneath the seal and tore it open, before pulling out what she rightfully assumed was her graduation invitation.

cheryl looked beautiful. her bright smile was the first thing toni noticed. the purple cap and gown were perfectly saturated, her silky hair flowing behind her in the wind. she had to admit, whoever she got to photograph her did an excellent job.

_ i guess we  _ **_are_ ** _ in a place where we can be happy for each other. _

"i know you were already going after receiving veronica's invitation, but now it wouldn't be just to support her. it would be to support cheryl too." chase suddenly spoke up.

"yeah, i know."

there was a pause as he took a hit.

"so, are you still... going?"

"well of course. and before you get all weird a pouty, you have nothing to worry about."

"i wasn't gonna... get all... weird and pouty."

"please. i know you," toni deadpanned, ripping the blunt from between his fingers and flicking the ashes into the ashtray.

"it's just- i mean- showing up to your ex-girlfriend's graduation with your new boyfriend? isn't that gonna be... weird?"

"you know cheryl has a girlfriend right?"

"yeah but..."

"and that fact that  _ she _ sent me an invitation just shows that... we're in a place where we can be, you know, happy for each other."

"you make a good point." chase sighed.

"come here." toni gripped chase's shirt in her fingers and pulled him to her, meeting for a kiss. "you have nothing to worry about. like i said, this is everything to me right now."

"okay."

toni took the last hit before stubbing it out in the ashtray. she stood to her feet and stretched her hands out to chase.

"now, how about i make us some breakfast for dinner?"

"sounds perfect baby."

toni pulled him to his feet with a grunt and leaned up on her tippy toes to place one last peck to his lips before leading him back into the apartment. he flopped down on the couch while she made her way into the kitchen.

she leaned against the counter and pulled her phone out of her pocket. she opened up her notes app, clicking on  _ grad invites,  _ and added cheryl's name back to the list. her lips curled into a smile and she nodded to herself before locking her phone and sliding it back into her back pocket.

-

_ i know my graduation is a week before yours and you won't be able to make it, but i still wanted you to have this. p.s. see you at your graduation.  
_ _ ~toni _

toni folded the note and stuck it in the envelope along with her graduation invitation, and she licked and sealed the envelope. she set it on the coffee table and wrote down cheryl's address in the middle of it.

she couldn't help but smile to herself. she knows she and cheryl had a rocky four years, and she never imagined that they would end up where they are now, both in separate relationships. but, she knew they were cool. and these graduation invitations are evident of that.

"babe, come to bed." chase's voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

"right behind you baby."

as chase disappeared back into the room, toni grabbed the stamp of her name and address, given to her when she moved in to this apartment, and pressed it into the top left corner of the envelope.

toni is so happy with chase. and she's sure cheryl is happy with destiny. but she can't lie to herself, she's excited to see the person who was once so prominent in her life cross that stage and receive her diploma.


	5. this is weird right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> time for a somewhat awkward "choni" reunion.
> 
> enjoy!

today was the day.

toni sat at the edge of her bed, her legs dangling off, toes just barely touching the floor. she stared at her gown that hung on a hanger on her closet door. she just sat there, staring at it, basking in the feeling that in just four hours she would be walking across the stage, receiving her college diploma. the first person in her family to do that.

these past four years have been... trying, to say the least. so many good times and so many bad times. but she made it. and four years ago, she never imagined this is where she'd be at the end of her college career; living in an apartment with her boyfriend.

but, things change, even when you least expect them to. but she's happy. she is.

she was taken out of her thoughts by the sound of the front door opening, and chase's voice echoing out.

"babe! guess who's with me?"

toni sprung to her feet with an elated smile, and ran out of the room.

"tiny!"

"my boys!" toni cheered as she ran into the arms of sweet pea and fangs, the three of them embracing in a group hug, rocking side to side.

"you have no idea how much i have missed you," toni breathed once they pulled apart.

"same, we haven't seen you since last summer and that was only for like two weeks," fangs said. 

"i know i'm sorry, but you're here now for six days and we're gonna make up for lost time."

"yeah we better. riverdale is so boring without you. without anybody really, but you mostly," sweet pea added.

"aww sweets, you've turned soft," toni chuckled ruffling her hands through sweet pea's hair.

"he's been soft," fangs added, also ruffing his hand through sweet pea's hair.

"okay can you two stop!" the tall man whined as he moved his head away from their hands.

"okay, okay. well we have about three hours until we have to leave, you boys wanna roll up?"

"thought you'd never ask." sweat pea smiled and patted fangs on the back before the three serpents headed for the balcony.

"you coming babe?" toni asked chase who had been sitting on the couch, scrolling on his phone. 

"nah i'll let you three catch up, i'm gonna hop in the shower," chase stood up from the couch, heading for the bedroom but was stopped by a small hand wrapping around his forearm.

"hey, you okay?"

"yeah babe, all good. just wanna let you catch up with your best friends. no worries, we'll hang at the after party."

toni searched his eyes for any insincerity. she knows that chase isn't as close with sweet pea and fangs as she would like them to be. she knows her best friends don't have a problem with chase, but they don't _love_ him like they did cheryl. but they're friendly with each other, which is better than nothing.

when she found no insincerity in his eyes, she nodded, leaned in for a quick peck before letting him go, deciding not to push the topic further when there was no need to.

once on the balcony, instead of sitting on the ground like usual, she sat in one of the chairs. she pulled out one of the pre rolled blunts and lit it with her pink mini blowtorch, taking two hits before passing it to fangs who sat in the other chair, a small circled table between them.

"i can't believe you're graduating, tiny. that was the fastest four years," sweet pea spoke up as he leaned back against the railing.

"tell me about it. it hasn't really hit me yet that i'm officially done with college."

"i hope you've enjoyed it, 'cause the real world is hard," fangs added, flicking the ashes into the ashtray before reaching up to hand the rolled paper to sweet pea.

"how is working for the riverdale police department?" toni asked.

"still can't believe they actually let us be cops. all the trouble we used to cause when we were kids. hell, we almost burned down riverdale high at the end of sophomore year during riot night," sweet pea chuckled at the memory.

"but it's great though. riverdale isn't as hectic as it used to be when we were in high school so there's no big mysteries to solve. we mostly just deal with parking tickets, and drug busts," fangs explained.

"oh the irony." toni chuckled as she grabbed the blunt from sweet pea.

"hey, this is legal here, plus we don't do this often so it'll be out of our system in time for the next drug test," sweet pea laughed.

there was a pause before fangs spoke up.

"so uh... you nervous about seeing cheryl next weekend?" fangs said awkwardly, pausing mid sentence to clear his throat.

"why would i be?" toni arched her eyebrow.

"i don't know, it's been awhile since you two have seen each other, let alone spoken to each other. what if things get awkward?" fangs shrugged.

"why would they be awkward. we are so past the drama, and finally in a place where we can be happy for each other. she _did_ send me an invitation after all."

"it's still crazy though," sweet pea started.

"what is?"

"just- nothing against chase, i like the dude, and i know you're happy, but... i still can't believe you and red broke up."

"come on sweets, do we really have to talk about that."

"i just- not trying to bring up the past but, what happened between you two? i thought for sure you'd be together forever."

"i did too sweets. but four years is a long time and 3000 miles is a-"

"a long way away. yeah, you've said that before but... what happened?"

...

**_spring break, freshman year._ **

_toni leaned against the passenger side of the car as she scrolled down her twitter timeline. she received a text from cheryl about five minutes ago saying she landed. and toni sent her one back saying she's waiting outside her terminal._

_it was cheryl's spring break, and since their spring breaks were one week after the other, they decided cheryl would fly in and spend the week in california and then they would both fly to new york for toni's spring break._

_"t.t."_

_the sound of her name caused her to snap her head up and her lips curled into a smile as she saw her girlfriend walking towards her, rolling a suitcase behind her. toni shoved her phone in her pocket and pushed herself off the car. she wrapped her hands around cheryl's back and met her for a kiss. their lips only pressing together three times before pulling away._

_"ready?" toni asked._

_"ready indeed."_

_-_

_toni still had class on monday morning, so that night when cheryl got in was cut short. toni was out by 11:00, but she was in cheryl's arms so neither girl minded._

_and the next morning when toni's alarm went off at 6:30, cheryl was up with her. she made her breakfast while the girl showered, just the usual small spread; bacon, eggs and toast. but toni had informed her that her appetite changed and she usually eats breakfast after class._

_"oh that's okay." cheryl said, feeling slight disappointment._

_"i'm sorry. i feel bad."_

_"it's okay, my love."_

_"well, i get out of class at 10 but i have a meeting with my advisor at 11, then i'm meeting with my partners for our group project at 12. but i'll be back around 4 and we can grab dinner, then just chill? i have to study for my exam tomorrow but i'd like to be in your presence still."_

_"of course my sweet. that sounds perfect. i could walk you to class if you want."_

_"that's sweet babe, but you really don't have to. i know your exhausted because of the time difference. go back to bed and i'll be back before you know it."_

_"okay. have a great day."_

_"you too. you're welcome to anything in the fridge with my name on it obviously. and i'll see you when i get back."_

_toni leaned it for a quick peck before heading for the door._

_"love you." she called just before opening the door._

_"love you too." cheryl called back and toni was gone._

_toni didn't come back until 6, and she didn't text cheryl to let her know she'd be late._

_it was unusual of toni. but she had a lot going on. it was midterm week after all, she just hoped cheryl understood._

_toni walked through the door with an apology fresh on her tongue._

_"babe i am so sorry. my fucking partners showed up an hour late, then we ran over. i'm so sorry i didn't text you, i completely lost track of time." toni said frantically, dropping her backpack on the floor and flopping on the couch next to cheryl._

_"it's okay. you were busy. i understand."_

_"is it cool if we just order in instead of going out? those two hours i lost threw me off and i really need to study."_

_"yeah that's fine. i could quiz you if you want?"_

_"i would love that."_

_"and maybe every answer you get right i could reward you with a kiss."_

_"i'd love that even more."_

_even with toni's hectic schedule, they were still good. and even the next day, they were still good. it was a longer day for toni, and once again she came back later than she told her she would. but it was okay. they were still good._

_on wednesday however is when cheryl started to get annoyed. toni's last midterm was wednesday morning, yet she still didn't get home until late that night, having a shift at the coffee shop she worked at._

_toni felt a little guilty, but she had to work, cheryl can't be mad at her for working, even though she's covering someone else's shift, who got sick. originally she had the rest of the week off. so toni did feel a little guilty, it_ **_has_ ** _been 2 months since she's seen cheryl and she's barely gotten to spend time with her._

_when toni and maya entered the dorm, at 11:30, mid laugh, toni was quick to shush her._

_"my girl might be asleep." toni whispered._

_"right sorry." maya answered and waved her off before disappearing into her bedroom._

_toni walked into her bedroom, and cheryl was tucked under the covers, the only part of her she could see was the back of her head._

_"cher? you asleep?" toni whispered as she walked closer to the bed. when there was no answer, toni quietly dropped her bag on the floor, grabbed some fresh pajamas and snuck out of the room and into the bathroom for a shower._

_when she got back, she gently slid under the covers pressed a soft kiss to the back of cheryl's head and whispered 'goodnight' before turning on her other side._

_little did she know cheryl was awake the whole time._

_-_

_on thursday after class, toni sent cheryl a quick text that she had photography club today but that she'll be back around 9 and suggested they catch a late night movie._

_when cheryl responded with a simple sure, toni furrowed her brows at her phone. she was about to ask if she was okay but was interrupted by the sound of her name._

_"topaz! coming?" marcus, one of the guys in the photography club asked her._

_"yeah!" and she pocketed her phone before following the small crowd out the door._

_they were deep into their hike, pausing to take pictures of the nature, when she felt someone bump into her arm just as she took a photo._

_"how goes it?" chase asked with a smile._

_"well you just ruined my shot." toni rolled her eyes._

_"oh shit, my bad."_

_"i would say it's okay but now the bird is gone so... fuck you," toni said and chase just laughed in response._

_"so you getting dinner with us tonight?"_

_"probably not. cheryl is here so we're probably gonna go catch a late movie."_

_"wait cheryl's here? i had no idea. why didn't you bring her with us?"_

_"i don't know. we're hiking and it's not really her thing."_

_"did you ask her? y'all haven't seen each other in months, and based off the stories you've told me i'm sure she'd do anything to spend some time with you."_

_and chases words hit toni like a truck. what the hell was toni thinking. how could she ever think that cheryl, the girl who went camping last summer just to make toni happy, wouldn't want to come on a hike with her._

**_stupid._ **

_"i'm an idiot," toni deadpanned before pulling her phone out of her pocket._

**_[you]_ **   
_hey baby, we'll be here for a couple more hours, you wanna ask maya if she can drive you here? i could use my muse [smiley face emoji]_

_the reply came almost instantly._

**_[baby <3] _ **   
_nope. i wouldn't wanna impose on your time with your friends. you know, time you get almost everyday. it's not like you haven't seen them in 2 months or anything._

_"uh oh. i'm in trouble," toni stated after reading the message._

_"yeah you are," chase laughed, which resulted in a punch to his arm._

_"okay asshole. can you take me home please?"_

_"sure, come on."_

_-_

_"baby?" toni called out as soon as she opened the front door to her dorm._

_"she's in your room. i think she's mad about something just f.y.i."_

_"yeah, i know," toni rolled her eyes at maya and made her way to her bedroom. she cautiously opened the door and walked inside to cheryl sitting on her bed, scrolling on her phone._

_"hey baby." she said softly._

_"what are you doing back so soon?" cheryl deadpanned, not even looking up from her phone._

_"i wanted spend some time together, so i left early."_

_"oh now you want to spend time with me?" cheryl said with a laugh but the anger clear as day in her eyes._

_"babe i'm sorry-"_

_"i know you're busy toni, and i know you have a life here, and friends, and i'm so happy that you do. but when i spend five hours on a plane to fly across the country to see you, i want to actually fucking see you. i know you have things going on, like your photography club. but you could've included me in those things. instead you send me a fucking text and don't even ask me if i want to come with you."_

_she was right. she was absolutely, one hundred percent right. and the sad part is, toni didn't even realize what she was doing, until her small conversation with chase that afternoon. how could she be so inconsiderate._

_she walked to the bed and sat on the edge, facing cheryl. she cautiously rested her hand on cheryl's shin, and when she made no move to move away she kept it there and caressed her skin with her thumb._

_"baby, i'm sorry. you're right and i have no excuse. i should've let you walk me to class, and i shouldn't have taken that extra shift knowing you were going to be here. and i should've invited you on the hike. i've been selfish and i'm sorry. and you have every right to be mad at me."_

_cheryl sighed and scooted closer to toni, which she took as a good sign._

_"i'm not mad at you. i just miss you. we don't facetime everyday like we did our first semester. and that's not all on you, i get busy too. i just- when we're together, i just want to spend any time with you i can get. even if it's just sitting in a coffee shop, watching you work for hours."_

_"i know, i've missed you too and i should've taken that into consideration. the space has just, i don't know, i guess i've gotten used to not seeing you all the time and i just fell into routine. so when you got here i didn't think about that. so i'm sorry."_

_"and i forgive you."_

_"but i don't have class or work tomorrow, and i'm not going with the photography club tomorrow, so... will you let me make it up to you?" toni looked at her with those soft, doughy eyes that always get to cheryl._

_"you can start now actually." cheryl smiled and toni leaned in for a kiss, using her lips to push her back onto the mattress._

_..._

"a lot happened sweets. and i'd rather not talk about it okay? this is supposed to be a happy day, now pass the damn blunt."

"okay, okay. my bad."

-

"congratulations baby!"

toni became airborne as a pair of arms wrapped strongly around her lower back and lifted her in air. she felt and heard the plastic of the bouquet of flowers he was holding hit her back as she was lifted. toni grunted then giggled as she wrapped her arms around his neck. she pressed a tender kiss to his lips, pulling away with a smack before pressing another one.

chase lowered her back to the ground and unwrapped his arms from around her. he presented her with the bouquet of assorted flowers.

"i'm so proud of you," he said watery eyed, as he extended the flowers forward.

"thank you, baby."

"tiny!" sweet pea's voice boomed loudly in the crowded arena as he and fangs approached her. chase stepped the side as the boys engulfed her in a group hug.

"congrats sis," fangs smiled proudly as they pulled away.

"thanks."

"say hi to your grandpa," sweet pea said as he put his phone, already on a facetime call, in her face. she smiled at the blurry picture of her grandfather as she took the phone.

"hi grandpa."

" _hey little one. i wish i could be there but i just want you to know that i am so proud of you. you're the first of the topaz family to graduate from college. i love you so much."_

"i love you too grandpa. i did this for you. well for me, but for you too. i wish you could've been here but you're here in spirit."

" _you have made me the proudest grandpa, and i know your parents would've been so proud of you too. i'll let you get back to celebrating, and i'll see you when you come to town. you're still coming right?"_

"yes. we'll be there on thursday."

" _okay, see you then."_

"bye grandpa." toni waved to the screen and sweet pea hung up the phone.

"alright let's take pictures and the. we have reservations at 7 and then the after party at marcus' place at 9." chase explained and they took about 30 minutes to take pictures. toni took a lot of pictures with sweet pea and fangs, a lot with chase and a few with some of her classmates, mostly from the photography club.

after dinner the four of them went back to toni and chase's apartment to freshen up and change for the party.

toni wore a short black jean skirt and a white spaghetti trapped crop top. chase matched her color scheme with ripped black jeans and a white v-neck.

when they exited their bedroom fangs and sweet pea, who were fully dressed, sitting on the couch waiting for them, gave them a peculiar look to which toni furrowed her brows.

"what?"

"did you guys match on purpose?" fangs asked.

"we sure did. we always match when we go out on dates," chase answered.

"wow, la people are so corny," sweet said as he and fangs burst into laughter.

"okay, whatever jerks. are we smoking before we go or what?" toni huffed, pushing sweet pea by his shoulder.

"yeah let's go."

-

toni stood against a wall, in between fangs and sweet pea, nursing her third drink of the night. after dancing with chase and her boys for almost an hour straight, toni was in dire need of a break and another drink, so she retired to the wall and that's where she had been standing, chatting with her best friends for the past 30 minutes.

maya had entered the party about 30 minutes ago. she had made eye contact with toni, and even tried to wave, to which toni ignored her. since then toni could tell maya was acting up just to be seen, acting super drunk but only having a cup, dancing all over guys and girls, while looking in toni's direction, but toni couldn't care less about her.

"how were you two ever friends?" sweet pea asked with a chuckle, also watching the scene before him.

"that's a good question sweets. she was so cool until sophomore year. if i had known then maybe..." toni trailed off, taking a sip of her drink to distract herself. "nevermind."

but the looks the guys were giving her made her feel like they knew what she was about to say. and fangs' next question proved her theory.

"tiny, i know you didn't want us to bring it up but, are you sure you're ready to see red again." fangs asked cautiously and toni groaned.

"oh my God, yes. why? should i not be or something? is there something you're not telling me?" toni asked, annoyance clear as day in her voice.

"no, no, it's just. i don't know."

"no what is it? seriously? 'cause everyone seems to have a problem with me seeing my ex except me. first chase, now you two. and quite frankly i'm sick of it."

"look we didn't mean anything by it-" sweet pea jumped in, wrapping his arm around fangs as to protect him from toni's wrath. "maybe we're the ones that's nervous about the upcoming altercation."

"well stop. we're all adults. fucking act like it."

"sorry tiny." they both said in unison.

"whatever, i need a refill." she rolled her eyes and walked away.

she didn't mean to get so upset. she was just tired of everyone freaking out about her and cheryl seeing each other again. it's not like it was going to be some kind of intimate setting. she was going to her graduation, with all of her other friends, to celebrate her accomplishments.

that's it.

plus she was taking chase, her _boyfriend_ , with her. so why was everyone freaking out?

-

after a week of hanging out with her favorite boys in los angeles, the four of them were on a plane, heading to the east coast. sweet pea and fangs were three rows behind her and chase was knock out on her shoulder, so toni got lost in her thoughts as she gazed out the window.

she hasn't seen cheryl since last summer, and hasn't spoken to her even longer than that. what was she going to say when she saw her? _would_ it be awkward? her boyfriend and best friends had asked her that, were they right?

but cheryl wanted her there. and they were both in relationships. so it shouldn't be awkward right?

right.

she and cheryl could be cordial. maybe even friendly. their breakup was bad, but after they ended on good terms. sure they haven't spoken in a very long time, but maybe it'll be like riding a bike.

yeah. everything was going to be okay.

-

-

today was the day.

cheryl sat at the foot of her bed as she stared up at the purple gown that hung on the door of her closet. she couldn't believe the day was finally here. she was feeling so many emotions all at once. excitement, sadness, nervousness, all at the same time.

the past four years haven't been the smoothest sailing. and her college career definitely took an unexpected turn. but, she's here, on the day of her graduation, and she did it in four years.

she was taken out of her thoughts by the feeling of her phone vibrating and the sound chirping. she stood from the door of the bed and grabbed her phone off the nightstand to read the text message.

**[baby <3]**   
_today is your big day baby! i can't wait to see you cross that stage._

she always had a vision of what this day would be like, since high school. and that vision was so different than what it is today.

but she's happy. she's graduating from college. she has a great job offer right here in the city. and she has a girlfriend that she's crazy about. so, yeah, she's happy. she is.

she was taken out of her thoughts again by the sound of soft knocking on her slightly ajar bedroom door.

"entrer," she called out and veronica entered her room.

"good morning veronica."

"morning. today's finally the day, how are you feeling," she asked, a chipper-ness to her voice as she sat down in cheryl's desk chair.

"a bunch of things. mostly excitement. how about yourself?"

"honestly, just excitement. mostly just to have all of our friends in one place."

"really ronnie? you are graduating from college, one of the most momentous occasions in our life and you're more excited about seeing your pals, pals that you can see literally at any time?"

"well, it's been so long since we've _all_ been together. come on, don't you miss our group too? we were so close."

"well, i just- i care more about my accomplishments than rekindling whatever fire is left in a group that hasn't hung out together since..." cheryl trailed off, dropping her head as she fiddled with her own fingers.

"ohhh... are you just saying this because you're nervous about seeing toni again?"

"and that's just it!" cheryl suddenly snapped, standing abruptly from her seat on the bed. "for why am i so nervous about seeing her? i shouldn't be."

"she is your ex, cheryl. your feelings are valid."

"but that's the thing ronnie. i shouldn't be having feelings at all. i'm crazy about destiny, and toni has a boyfriend. i should not be feeling nervous about seeing my ex. not after all this time."

"look cheryl, you and toni-" veronica started but was cut off by cheryl raising a silencing hand.

"veronica, i am not in the mood for another, you and toni have history conversations. i don't wanna think about that right now. all i care about is crossing that stage, flawlessly."

veronica knew when not to push cheryl, so she gave her a simple okay before leaving the room.

when her door clicked shut she flopped back down onto her bed and stared up at her gown. maybe veronica was right. maybe, her being nervous about seeing her ex girlfriend was valid. but she didn't want it to be. she didn't want to be nervous about seeing toni again.

cheryl sighed and reached over to her desk. she opened the drawer and pulled out a white envelope. she opened it and slid out a card, reading over it with a hint of a smile that she didn't even realize was growing on her face.

_i know my graduation is a week before yours and you won't be able to make it but, i still wanted you to have this. p.s. see you at your graduation._   
_~toni_

it all started with this _stupid_ note. cheryl wasn't nervous about seeing toni at all until she realized that toni actually wanted to come to her graduation, and even sent back her own invitation.

maybe they're in a place where they can be friends. maybe, just maybe.

-

" _cheryl marjorie blossom."_

her name was called and cheryl's lips parted in a toothy smile, her cheeks almost hurting by how hard she was smiling as she crossed the stage. she shook hands with the president of new york university and grabbed her diploma.

she did it. this is it. she was officially a college graduate.

she could hear a small eruption of cheers and people calling her name but the arena was so large she couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from.

after the ceremony veronica ran up to cheryl and crashed into her, wrapped her arms around her tightly.

"we did it!" she cheered into her ear, as she rocked her from side to side.

cheryl embraced her equally as tight as she giggled in her ear.

"we did!" she agreed.

"our friends are waiting for us. you ready?"

cheryl nodded nervously.

during her celebration cheryl completely forgot that one of the voices cheering for her as she crossed that stage could've been toni. would she have screamed? or clapped? or would she have silently been proud, or cheered inwardly?

as she and veronica exited the arena she hated that's what she was currently thinking about instead of her other friends, or her girlfriend, or the fact that she just graduated from college.

but she couldn't help it. and she hated that she couldn't help it. she and toni broke up two years ago, why is she suddenly in her mind now.

_because you're nervous to see her again, cheryl._

but why was she so nervous? and why now?

she breathed deeply as she and veronica walked through the crowd of people taking pictures of their loved ones who had just graduated. their arms were looped together as they searched the sea of bodies for their friend group.

it was pretty easy to spot them seeing as sweet pea stood tall over the many people surrounding them.

"there they are!" veronica pointed towards sweet pea's direction as she pulled cheryl in that direction.

cheryl looked around the group in search for her girlfriend, but smiling at everyone that was present. josie, archie, betty, jughead, reggie, sweet pea, fangs...

and then she saw her. 

the girl she was once so in love with. the girl who was once her everything. the girl who two years ago she could see herself being with, forever and always. the girl who was now her ex.

they locked eyes for the first time in God knows how long. cheryl's breath left her body, but not in a good way, or a bad way, she didn't know what kind of way, but it just did. she felt frozen, whether in shock or disbelief, she didn't know. her feelings were confusing to say the least.

she came back to reality when she noticed an arm wrap around toni's shoulder. she followed the arm until she was looking into the eyes of chase.

"h-hey. you came," cheryl said, looking back and fourth between the two.

"wouldn't miss it," toni responded, offering a small smile.

cheryl felt something in her stomach. she couldn't describe the feeling, nor did she know what it was but hearing toni say she wouldn't miss it was the cause of it, whether she realized it or not.

"and chase, it's good to see you as well," she said awkwardly.

"yeah, likewise." he smiled crookedly, feeling just as awkward.

cheryl didn't know why she felt so awkward right now. just to her left veronica and reggie we're having a nice conversation and they've been broken up almost just as long as cheryl and toni have. and she's always friendly with archie when he comes over to their place to visit josie. she hated that she and toni couldn't be like that in this very moment.

cheryl opened her mouth to say something else but was cut off by the sound of her name being called followed by-

"baby!"

cheryl barely had time to brace herself before her girlfriend came crashing into her arms. cheryl wrapped her arms around destiny's lower back and she buried her face in her neck.

"i'm so proud of you baby," destiny mumbled into her neck. she pulled away only to lean forward and capture cheryl's lips in her own.

meanwhile, toni dropped her eyes to the ground after seeing the couple kiss. she knew chase caught her reaction when she felt his arm wrap tighter around her shoulder.

cheryl pulled away from the kiss with an audible 'muah' and a cheesy smile.

"and these are for you." destiny smiled as she backed away to reveal a bouquet of red roses.

"aww baby. thank you so much, they're beautiful."

"almost as beautiful as you," destiny said as she leaned in for another chaste kiss. "we need pictures, now!"

for the next thirty or so minutes the two graduates took pictures with everyone in the group; singles, doubles, triples, and group pictures. cheryl couldn't help but notice how toni awkwardly stood by and watched her take pictures. part of cheryl wanted to ask her if she wanted to take a picture but the other part felt best not to out of respect for her current girlfriend.

it wasn't until veronica asked a random stranger to take a pic for the entire group that the raven haired girl pulled toni by her arm into the group picture with everyone.

cheryl and toni were standing a person apart but the redhead still felt her girlfriend tense up. she squeezed her hand and leaned in to press a kiss of reassurance to her cheek.

"okay! announcement!" veronica cheered as she clapped her hands to get everyone's attention. "due to the recent graduations, josie yesterday and cher and i today, we are having a celebration tonight at the verchosie house!"

"did she just say verchosie?" jughead asked.

"yes, unfortunately," cheryl answered.

"well, we will definitely be there v," betty responded with a smile, which caused a chain reaction of agreements within the group.

"toni? toni's beau? will you be joining the festivities tonight?" veronica asked, still within ear shot of cheryl.

"uh i think we're just gon-"

"we'll be there," toni blurted out before chase could finish his sentence, and she ignored the weird look her boyfriend was currently giving her.

"great!" veronica clapped her hands as she turned to face the rest of the group. "alright well, we will see you all tonight!"

-

"damn you look hot," veronica gasped as cheryl walked into her bedroom, dressed for the party in a short tight red dress.

"tell me something i don't know," cheryl sighed as she sat down at the foot of veronica's bed while she stood in the mirror putting on her pearl neckless.

"hmm, you didn't say that with as much sass as usual, what's wrong?" veronica asked as she turned around to face her.

"why did you invite toni?"

"because we're all friends and i didn't think it would be a big deal," veronica squinted her eyes at cheryl as she adverted her eyes to the ground. "it's not a big deal... right?"

"what? no, of course not," cheryl snapped her eyes up, trying to sound as convincing as possible. because it wasn't a big deal. it wasn't. "yeah my ex girlfriend and her new boyfriend coming to party with me and my new girlfriend. no big deal at all."

it wasn't a big deal. it wasn't.

_then why is your heart beating so fast?_

_-_

cheryl sat on the couch, her thigh pressed against her girlfriends, her arm wrapped around her shoulder, some mixture veronica cooked up, that actually tasted pretty good, in her red solo cup. even though she and her girlfriend were literally connected, her mind wasn't present.

every time her front door opened her heart skipped a beat and she felt a twinge if nervousness in her stomach and her eyes snapped towards the door. and every time someone who wasn't toni and chase walked through the door she mentally kicked herself for having such a... reaction.

she really doesn't understand why she is feeling this was when the girl she is so crazy about is in her arms right now. who, now that her eyes are back on her after looking at the door, looks less than pleased.

"babe, what's going on?"

"what do you mean?" cheryl tilted her head and furrowed her brow in confusion, even though she knew exactly what she meant.

"why are you acting so... nervous? or anxious?"

"i'm not."

she was.

"every time the door opens you snapped your head towards it and i can tell when your nervous. it's written all over your face."

"i'm not... nervous," she said with less conviction than she hoped.

"you are. don't deny it. what? are you waiting for your ex to walk through that door?"

"babe that... that's ridiculous." she tried to laugh it off.

"is it? is it ridiculous? i'm sitting right here but your mind is elsewhere, and i'm worried."

"about what?"

"don't make me say it cheryl. you already know."

"babe there is _nothing_ to worry about," cheryl reached for her hand but her smile faltered when she felt destiny pull away.

"you say that but i don't have your full attention. you're too focused on who's coming through that door and i'm afraid that the person you're looking for is gonna... steal you away from me. i've witnessed first hand how in love you too were."

"baby i get it, but trust me, there will be no stealing. okay, yes i'm a little anxious about seeing toni again after so long, but... not in a good way. yes we were in love at one point but _so_ much has happened between us. _you_ know that."

...

**_spring break, freshman year_ **

_after a somewhat bumpy spring break in california, it was now toni's spring break week. the two were currently on a plane back to new york._

_this was their plan, since their spring breaks were back to back instead of the same week they decided that cheryl would go to california during her spring break, they'd hop on a plane together at the end of the week, and toni would spend her spring break with cheryl in new york._

_and since their first week together was ruined by toni's selfishness, toni was determined to make it up to cheryl this week._

_so on sunday, evening when they arrived at cheryls apartment they spent the rest of the day, tangled together in the sheets, until around 11 when cheryl said they had to go to bed since she had class the next morning. she could've gone a couple more rounds and she knows toni could've too but she appreciated that toni understood and respected that, more than happy to just cuddle her._

_on monday morning, at 8am, when cheryl woke up toni was already up, and cheryl didn't have to ponder for long as to where she went when the smell of food immediately filled her nostrils._

_"baby?" cheryl said groggily was she entered the kitchen to toni flipping a finished pancake onto a plate._

_"hey you're up! come sit. i made breakfast for you and your roommates. and after you eat i'm going to walk you to class and take you to lunch, anywhere you want."_

_"aw babe, you're so sweet," cheryl smiled as she sat down in front of a stack of pancakes._

_"and tonight we're having date night, i was thinking takeout, movies and cuddles?"_

_"sound devine, but it'll have to be late. i'm meeting with my art group tonight to work on our project."_

_"a project? but you just had midterms last week, you already have to work on a project the week after your spring break?"_

_"it's a semester project babe. but i'll be done around 8:30 and then i'm all yours okay?"_

_toni nodded half in disappointment and half in understanding because she understands. she was just as busy when cheryl was in california so she couldn't be mad. a little disappointed only because she wanted to make up for their week last week, but she's not mad about it._

_so she did exactly what she said she would do. she walked her to class, took her out to lunch. and when cheryl returned home that evening she was surprised to see toni cooked instead of ordering take out, which she greatly appreciated_

_tuesday was about the same. cheryl woke up and ate the breakfast toni prepared for her, toni walked her to class, and they met for lunch. when she returned from class around 4, she immediately got started on her homework, refusing to be a procrastinator who has to pull an all nighter the night before an assignment is due._

_toni pouted but respected cheryl and allowed her to do her homework. although she was hardly able to concentrate on the textbook she was reading as the feeling of toni's thumbs digging into the bottoms of her feet._

_"babe, stop, i need to focus," cheryl said shaking her foot._

_"you sure you want me to stop?" toni smirked as she leaned down and pressed her lips to the top of her foot._

_"yes baby. i'm not gonna let you distract me. i have a chapter and a half left to read and there shall be no hanky panky until i'm finished."_

_"ugh fine," toni sighed and flopped back against the couch in defeat._

_on wednesday toni got clingier. cheryl hardly ever minded but not when she was trying to focus._

_after class she needed to go to the library to use the computer lab's resources that_ _weren't_ _available on her personal laptop. she didn't want toni to have to be alone so she let her tag along, saying she'd rather sit with her in a boring library that be bored alone._

_but toni barely let her focus on her work. at one moment she laid her head on her shoulder and trailed her fingers up and down her thigh as she worked away in the computer. another moment she threw her legs across her lap and scratched gently at the back of her neck._

_cheryl didn't say anything, figuring toni just wanted to be close to her. it_ _wasn't_ _un_ _til_ _she felt her lips on her neck that she finally spoke up._

_"babe come on, i'm trying to work and we're in the library."_

_"aw come on, hardly anyone is here," toni mumbled, pressing another kiss to her cheek. "isn't there a section of the library where people go to... ya know," toni dragged her hand up cheryl's thigh._

_"yeah there is, but i don't plan on taking a trip to that germ infested place. now would you please let me work."_

_"fine," toni huffed and rolled away in her rolling chair before pulling out her phone to distract herself with twitter._

_when she was finally finished toni was excited to get back home and spend some alone time with her girl, hopefully naked between the sheets. but as they were leaving the library cheryl got a text from veronica reminding her about wednesday night karaoke._

_"baby, i just want to go back to your place and cuddle or something."_

_"come_ _o_ _n toni, it's our thing, we do karaoke every wednesday. come on you're gonna love it."_

_needless to say toni didn't really love it. maybe another day she would've but this would probably be the last full week toni would get with her girlfriend until summer break, and seeing as she screwed it up last week she'd rather be alone with her than in a packed coffee house listening to people sing horribly._

_"baby you look bored. come on, get into it," cheryl said bumping her shoulder playfully but her furrowed her brows when toni cracked a smile._

_"i just don't wanna be here," toni said honestly._

_"you don't have to be here if you don't want to be," cheryl shot back._

_"i just wanted to be alone with you."_

_cheryl leaned in and kissed her cheek._

_"let's stay for another hour than we can head out okay?"_

_toni agreed._

_when they got finally home, toni tried to heat things up that night in bed. cheryl crawled between her legs and brought her to an orgasm before crawling back up to the head of the bed. toni tried to reciprocate but was shut down by cheryl saying she didn't have to since she had a quiz in the morning and didn't want to be tired._

_thursday is when things took a turn. cheryl had returned from class around four and toni surprised her with dinner reservations._

_"baby, this is really sweet but tonight is noah's birthday and he invited us to his party. remember? i told you about it a couple weeks ago," cheryl said, mentioning the guy she and veronica met last summer and became good friends with._

_"are you serious?" toni said a little sharper than she intended._

_"what the big deal?"_

_"the big deal is i've planned an evening for us and you're shutting me down again for what, some lame birthday party."_

_"oh yeah, just like you shut me down for some lame photography club last week?"_

_"okay that's different?"_

_"how toni? explain to me how?"_

_toni opened and closed her mouth a few times, unable to come up with an explanation._

_"okay, it's kinda the same. but i've been_ **_trying_ ** _to make up for that, hence the dinner reservations."_

_"so you're just trying to whither away your guilt for ditching me all last week?"_

_"what? no baby no- i just... fuck, i just want a nice night with my girlfriend._ **_just_ ** _my girlfriend."_

_"you can't just demand a night with me."_

_toni looked at her with sadness in her eye and a guilty expression in her face. cheryl felt bad for what she just said._

_"really cheryl?"_

_"okay, okay. how about we go to dinner and then go to the party afterwards."_

_"well i had more planned for the night but you'll probably be too tired."_

_"what's that supposed to mean?" cheryl crossed her arms._

_"nothing baby. i just wanna have a nice night. let's go."_

_friday it got heated and not in the way toni was expecting._

_toni wanted to have a redo at dinner since last night was awkward and tension filled. but before she could even suggest dinner cheryl came in with other plans; a house party in which veronica and josie were going to as well._

_of course this lead to a fight._

_"so what, is this payback for last week or something?" toni asked, her voice already louder than usual._

_"pardon?" cheryl asked with crossed arms and a raised eyebrow._

_"are you punishing me for what i did last week? is that it? are you still mad?"_

_"no."_

_"no that's gotta be it right? right? that's why you keep canceling our plans, rather spend time with your friends than alone time with me?"_

_"real ironic coming from the girl who ditched me all last week for her friends."_

_"oh my God, how many times do i have to apologize for that? i've been trying to make up for it all week but you just said fuck me right?"_

_the fight exploded after that. the couple went back and forth screaming at each other until toni stormed out. they took a couple hours, and a conversation from josie to cheryl and veronica to toni, to cool off. later that night when toni returned_ _,_ _tearful_ _apologies_ _were shared and makeup sex was had._

_the last two weeks were hard for them, but they made it through, their love stronger than that silly fight. little did they know this is the point where everything would start to change._

_..._

"are you sure?" destiny asked.

"come here." cheryl gripped destiny by her chin and leaned in for a kiss, parting her lips to kiss her sweetly, she pressed and pulled against her until she felt her relaxing before pulling away.

the second cheryl pulled away the front door opened again. she tried with everything in her not to look at the door, but when she saw a tall man with curly hair in her peripheral vision she couldn't help but look that direction. and lo and behold toni and chase had walked through the door, hand in hand.

cheryl didn't know what she was feeling in this current moment as the girl she once loved so much walked into her apartment, a place they've shared so many memories, with her new boyfriend. she too was also in her apartment with her new girlfriend but... this whole situation was just... weird.

destiny followed her line of sight and huffed loudly when her eyes laid on toni.

"hey." cheryl said firmly, gripping her hand and pulling it to get her girlfriend to face her. "i'm _with_ you."

destiny nodded and leaned in for another chaste kiss.

most of the party, cheryl stuck to destiny like glue, just doing everything to make her girlfriend feel comfortable. she spent some time talking to dalton, destiny's brother, and noah, and of course catching up with her other friends from riverdale. but not once has she talked to toni.

she's looked her direction a few times. or... more than a few times. and every time she's looked her way there was chase, also glued to her side. for some reason she had the strong urge to talk to toni. you know, just to catch up, see how she's been, that's all. but she doesn't want to leave destiny's side, and she also doesn't want to talk to toni with chase hovering over her.

as if on cue an opportunity presented itself when toni excused herself to the makeshift bar in their kitchen.

"i'm gonna go get a refill, want anything babe?" cheryl asked destiny sweetly.

"no, i'm okay," cheryl was glad destiny was distracted by whatever antidote her brother was currently telling and wasn't suspicious about what she was up to.

not that she was up to anything. just a quick chat with her ex-girlfriend. no big deal.

cheryl walked, nervously, up to the kitchen island, circling around to the other side of the counter to stand in front of toni.

"hey." she said simply.

toni slowly lifted her eyes up from her drink mixing until she was looking into cheryl's.

"hey." toni responded.

her eyes were still so warm, not that cheryl cared, she just... noticed.

"i'm uh... surprised you came."

"why wouldn't i?" toni asked with a tilt of her head.

_ugh, what kind of question was that. you two aren't adult enough to be in the same room? stupid, cheryl._

"i didn't mean it like that, i was just-"

"relax cheryl, i'm just kidding."

"oh." cheryl breathed out a nervous laugh. "this is still kind of weird though right?"

"what, partying with your ex-girlfriend and your current girlfriend? no, this is completely ordinary." toni looked at cheryl with a blank face before her lips curled up into small laughter causing cheryl to laugh in relief.

"i see you still have jokes."

"i try. but if i'm being completely honest with you, i was a little nervous about coming here, you know 'cause... of us. but tonight has been great and we're both adults, and it's really good to see you again, to see you happy."

"yeah, yeah i am," cheryl said, slight blush raising to her cheeks as she tucked a lock of her behind her ear.

"still can't believe you're actually dating pencil boy's sister though."

"like you're one talk miss, _chase is my homie,"_ cheryl joked back, causing the both of them to laugh.

"yeah, life kind of took an unexpected turn for us huh?" toni sighed.

"you could say that again."

there was a pause, before toni spoke again.

"hey would you maybe wanna... get lunch some time this week?" cheryl furrowed her brows before toni spoke again. "i meant, you and destiny, me and chase, just to catch up? we'll still be in town all week since jug and betty's graduations are next weekend. i mean... you don't have to if you don't want, i just thought-"

"toni," cheryl cut off her rambling. "i'd love to."


	6. this is where you're meant to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from here on, every chapter will start with a flashback! 
> 
> flashback: the aftermath of cheryl and toni's bad spring break visits.
> 
> present: cheryl and toni have lunch.
> 
> enjoy!

_it was sunday night, and toni had just returned from her spring break trip to new york. a trip that was rocky to say the least._

_usually after a visit with her girlfriend toni felt so good, giddy, happy, a feeling a longing once she had to leave. but this time toni feels... weird... almost excited to be back in cali. and she hated that she feels this way just because of a bad couple weeks._

_she walked into her dorm room, and the second the door shut behind her, maya emerged from her bedroom._

_"hey! welcome back."_

_"hey," toni deadpanned._

_"what's wrong? is everything okay?" maya asked, furrowing her brows in concern._

_"yeah just... had a weird couple of weeks with cheryl," toni started, she left her suitcase by the door and walked into their small living room, flopping dramatically on the couch, maya followed and sat next to her._

_"you two had a fight?"_

_"we did. and we made up but i still feel like there's this... tension between us now. and i hate it."_

_"well, all couples fight right?"_

_"yeah..."_

_"and you two made up, so that's good right?"_

_"yeah, i just don't want every visit to be like this one. we used to be so in tune with each other but..." toni trailed off._

_"maybe it's just the distance. you know, people grow and change in college."_

_"yeah, but i don't want us to change. i don't want us to grow apart. we're supposed to grow together. maybe if i had just gone to nyu like we planned we'd be fine right now."_

_"you don't know that toni. you two could be having the same problem even if you were in the same city," maya tried to reason, but toni didn't seem convinced, her face falling more and more, almost as if she were on the verge of tears. "look, how about we get you out of your head. let's call up chase and go out to dinner. what do you say?"_

_toni wasn't in the mood to go out. she'd much rather wallow in her room and stare at her phone until cheryl texted her. but she knew that would only make things worse, so she agreed with a silent nod._

_-_

_cheryl walked back into her apartment, having returned from taking toni to the airport. she hated that she felt this way, but she felt like this was their worst visit. they had two whole weeks to spend together, and they spent more than half of that time fighting. they weren't connected like they usually are, and cheryl was afraid that they were going to start growing apart._

_"why the long face?" josie asked from her seat on the couch as cheryl dragged her feet into the living room._

_"missing toni already huh?" veronica joked as cheryl dramatically fell on the couch._

_"no, that's not it," she sighed._

_"oh no, what happened?" veronica asked._

_"i was so excited to spend two weeks with toni, but this visit was... less than amazing."_

_"what happened?" josie asked._

_"we were fighting. and we didn't have that connection like we usually do. what if long distance is just too hard for us? what if we start to grow apart?"_

_"it's possible the distance could be effecting your relationship. you know reggie and i had that rough patch before winter break that caused us to break up for a little bit. but if he and i can get through it, i_ **_know_ **_you and toni can get through it."_

_"yeah don't overthink it. you two made up before toni left right?" josie added._

_"yeah, but there was still this lingering tension, or a weirdness, i'm not sure how to describe it. but it was there."_

_"look, cher, we only have one month until summer vacay. just focus on these last four weeks of classes and acing these finals, and then you and toni will have the whole summer to reconnect. don't stress."_

_"i really hope you're right veronica. i don't wanna lose the best thing that has ever happened to me."_

...

"are you serious, toni? why the hell would you do that?" chased yelled as he paced the floor of their hotel room with his arms crossed.

it was the following day, after the graduation, and toni had just told chase about the lunch plans she made just last night.

"i don't understand why you're so angry right now."

"you don't un- toni, you asked your ex girlfriend to have lunch with you? of course i'm gonna be mad about that."

"not _me_. us. you, me, her and destiny."

"oh yeah like that makes me feel any better. and i wish you would've talked to be before promising my presence."

"well i'm talking to you now," toni said with a hint of a smile trying to lighten the mood, but immediately fell when chase's hardened facial expression didn't soften.

"am i supposed to laugh?"

"chase, you're overreacting. it's not that big of a deal, we're all adults here."

"i'm sorry but i just don't feel comfortable having lunch with your ex girlfriend."

"what, you don't trust me?"

"no!" chase blurted out. now it was toni who was wearing a look of anger mixed with hurt, and chase's expression turned to one of guilt. "babe, i- i didn't mean that."

"obviously you did if you just fucking said it!" now toni was the one shouting.

there was a pause as chase averted his eyes to the floor in guilt.

"well! what _did_ you mean?"

"it's just- i saw how you were looking at her during the graduation ceremony. almost longingly."

"that's ridiculous-"

"and after, when she kissed her girlfriend. you looked to the ground as if the sight of your ex kissing someone else disgusted you."

"you are so ridiculous chase!"

" _i'm_ ridiculous!?"

"i was proud of her dumbass. the same way i was proud of veronica? and of course i didn't want to watch my ex kiss someone else. if your ex was standing right here right now making out with some other guy i'm pretty sure you wouldn't wanna watch either. it's called privacy. it's called respect."

"well i... well... still. we are _not_ going to lunch with her."

"fine. stay here. i'm not in the mood to have lunch with an insecure jerk anyway," toni stormed off, grabbing her purse and phone and heading for the door. but before she could reach it she felt a hand on her elbow.

"toni, wait, don't leave like this. i hate fighting with you."

"yeah well you should've thought of that before," toni yanked her arm out of his grip and headed for the door, letting it slam behind her.

needless to say toni was heated. she couldn't believe chase was acting this way. he's never acted like this before. he's always been her rock. if it wasn't for chase, toni would've never gotten out of her post breakup funk. but now it's like he's flipped a switch. and she has noticed that his change of behavior started when cheryl sent her a graduation invitation.

toni hates that he's acting this way. deep down, under her current anger she knows he does have a right to feel a little weird about cheryl. but regardless, he's supposed to trust her. she's never given him a reason not to, and the fact that he just admitted to not trusting her made toni furious.

toni tried to push her anger down as she headed for the restaurant.

-

"are you okay?" cheryl asked destiny, as they sat on the same side of a booth inside a restaurant. she put her hand on her thigh under the table when she noticed her girlfriend looking a little spaced out.

"yeah i just... i don't know about this, cher. i mean... we're about to have lunch with your ex girlfriend; i just feel a little weird about it."

"i understand, babe, but hey," cheryl grabbed destiny's hand, interlacing their fingers, and brought it up to press a kiss to the back of it. "i'm with you."

destiny nodded, although cheryl could see in her eyes how hesitant she still was. cheryl started to lean in after whispering 'come here' and captured destiny's lips in a soft but reassuring kiss.

cheryl knew that destiny was uneasy about this. and quite frankly she is too. she doesn't really know why she invited toni out to lunch. part of her was screaming 'what are you doing?' while the other part is kind of... excited to see her. not in a, i'm excited to see my ex girlfriend kind of way though. no. more in a... i'm excited to catch up with an old friend kind of way. that's it.

their kiss was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat, and the couple tore apart and looked up to see toni standing there, alone.

"hey," toni greeted somewhat awkwardly.

"hey you made it," cheryl cheered as toni took a seat in the opposite side of the booth. "where's chase?"

"we uh... we had a stupid fight, so i just need some space from him for a little bit." toni sighed, averting her eyes to her menu.

"i'm so sorry to hear that. what were you fighting about?"

toni lifted her eyes to cheryl, giving her a confused expression.

"oh, sorry, it's none of my business," cheryl apologized quickly.

"no it's cool. he uh... felt weird about this lunch."

"i know the feeling," destiny mumbled, but loud enough for the other two to hear. cheryl placed her hand back on her thigh and rubbed up and down over her jeans. toni noticed the action and forced her eyes not to linger.

"and he said he didn't trust me so i left." toni and cheryl locked eyes, seemingly sharing a secret conversation. toni could've swore she saw a tiny hint of guilt in cheryl's eyes.

...

_"so what, you don't trust me?"_

_"no!"_

...

cheryl cleared her throat and dropped her eyes down to her menu.

"but i don't wanna talk about that right now. i wanna catch up with you. both of you."

cheryl raised her eyes back up with a small smile.

"so, destiny, i thought you'd be graduating this semester as well," toni started, trying to clear the awkwardness that lingered around the table.

"i have to stay an extra semester. but it's just my student teaching gig. i don't have any other classes."

"yep, destiny will be teaching the third grade," cheryl smiled proudly as she squeezed her thigh.

"that's pretty amazing," toni responded.

"so what about you toni? big plans now that you're a college graduate?" cheryl asked.

"well i got a job offer for this magazine back in cali. i applied all over the country, most of them i got rejected, but this gig is pretty sweet; plus its easier since i already live there so..."

"you'll be doing photography?" cheryl asked.

"yep. i'm going to be an official photojournalist."

"that's exciting toni. congratulations!" cheryl cheered, a little too enthusiastic for destiny's liking, but when the couple shared eye contact and held hands under the table the blonde relaxed.

toni felt something in her stomach at the action. she didn't know what it was, and it was small so she just ignored it.

"what about you, cheryl? summer plans?"

"i may have a nice job lined up right here in the city that i start in two weeks."

"yep, my baby will be starting at a law firm," destiny smiled turning toward cheryl and kissing her on the cheek, an action that caused the redhead to smile widely.

toni felt that feeling again, but again she just ignored it and smiled at their happiness. whether it was a forced smile or not, she didn't know.

"well it's just a paid internship. i still have three more years of law school before i can officially practice."

"don't be modest, it's still amazing," destiny awed.

"thank you," cheryl chuckled, and destiny leaned in to press a chaste kiss to her lips, and toni dropped her eyes to the table. she felt that feeling again.

the rest of lunch went great. there wasn't much awkwardness, and the conversation was steady. toni still felt that weird feeling in her stomach every time cheryl and destiny shared a look or a touch, but she forced that feeling down and focused on her food and the conversation.

when they were finished eating, before the check came, and alarm went off on destiny's phone.

"shoot, i have to get back to work."

"aww" cheryl pouted.

"toni this was... not as awkward as i thought it would be."

"ditto to that," toni agreed.

destiny turned to face cheryl and toni dropped her eyes once more to give them some privacy, although still sneaking peeks.

"i'll see you later tonight," destiny said lowly.

"mhm," cheryl mumbled with a nod and the two leaned forward and captured each other lips in a tender kiss.

toni felt that feeling again, and this time it was much stronger. and because it was much stronger she knew exactly what that feeling was.

jealousy.

_oh fuck._

destiny left the restaurant and it was now just toni and cheryl at the table. when cheryl turned to look at her she realized toni had already been staring.

"what?"

"what? oh uh i just... still can't believe you're dating pencil boy's sister."

"you said that yesterday," cheryl laughed.

"well considering how she tried to get with you it's hilarious."

...

**_first semester, freshman year._ **

_"so what's your favorite movie-"_

_"why are you so annoying?" cheryl asked before dalton, also known as pencil boy, could even get out his question. the two were currently sitting in the library, working on a project for the class they shared; forced to be partners._

_"what? i'm just-"_

_"just what? do you not realize i don't give a single fuck about anything you are talking about so why must you continue to ask me questions."_

_"okay, can i be honest?"_

_"sure," cheryl said dryly with a roll of her eyes._

_"i have been trying to get to know you because... my twin sister has a crush on you."_

_cheryl definitely was not expecting that._

_"i- pardon?"_

_"i've been trying to figure out stuff about you for her. she's actually in our class, destiny daniels, but she sits in the back."_

_"is that why you've been asking me for a pencil every day?"_

_"yeah. our first day of classes she noticed you before we even walked inside the classroom. you know, being from greendale and all, everyone knows about the blossoms. so she asked me to be her wingman i guess?"_

_"well i hate to break it to you, but i have a girlfriend, that i love, so tell your sister it's not gonna happen. now can we please just focus on the project?"_

...

"yeah, it was weird being basically hit on via her twin brother. but she's great, and we're great, like you and chase."

toni stiffened and averted her eyes at the mention of her boyfriend who she was suddenly no longer mad at.

"oh, toni, i'm sorry."

"it's okay, but i think i should go."

"i understand."

toni stood from the table reached into her purse to find her wallet, before she was stopped by cheryl raising a hand.

"no need, it's on me."

"cheryl you don't-"

"nonsense, it's on me."

"okay, but next time it's on me."

"next time?"

toni froze, forsaken by her own word vomit. she opened and closed her mouth a couple times before speaking.

"w-well, yeah, maybe next time chase will actually join us."

"oh, right. definitely."

there was a pause as cheryl and toni just stared at each other. there was a feeling in toni's stomach again but this time it wasn't jealousy.

_no no no, get out of there toni._

"see you 'round, cheryl."

"bye."

and toni turned on her heels and headed straight for the door. she didn't know what just happened back there, but she only had one thing on her mind right now. chase. and their stupid fight. and how she probably shouldn't have left in the middle of said fight, especially to go see the person who was the context of the fight.

why did she do that? she had never stormed out of a fight with him like that before. she and chase were always so good, able to work through any problem they had. but then again chase had never said he didn't trust her before.

_is he wrong though, toni?_

absolutely, he's wrong. he's totally wrong. toni is with chase; she’s crazy about him. he's her rock. and cheryl is her past. her past. and chase was her current. maybe even her future.

when she got back to the hotel she took a deep breath before entering the room. she feels bad for leaving chase the way she did, and she was determined to make it up to him.

when she walked into the room she found chase sitting on the edge of their bed, as if he hadn't moved from that spot since she left. his eyes snapped up to her as soon as she came into view, and he was wearing a look of pure guilt.

"hey, toni, listen, i'm sorry about before, baby, about what i said. i do trust you, and i don't want you to think i'm some insecure guy who gets jealous and shit. i just care about you so much, and i don't wanna lo-" chase was rambling, but his words were cut off by toni wrapping a hand around the back of his neck and pulling him down for a kiss. he grunted in surprise but wrapped his hands around her lower back and kissed her back.

it grew heated fast. toni jumped, and chase caught her, their lips never tearing apart. she wrapped her legs around his waist and mumbled 'take me to bed' against his lips. and she didn't have to ask twice.

-

much later the couple laid there in bed, naked, spent, and cuddled together. but even in their post orgasmic bliss toni couldn't fully enjoy this moment. she didn't feel the same calmness she usually felt as she leaned her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. she felt guilt.

and she didn't know why. maybe deep down she did, but not on the surface. she had only felt just a tiny twinge of jealousy at lunch earlier, but she felt so guilty about it as though she had just cheated on him.

"chase," she mumbled and leaned her head back to look up at him.

"hmm?" he hummed in response.

she just stared intently into his eyes for a moment before cupping his cheek and leaning up for a kiss.

"i just want you to know how much you mean to me," toni said softly as she twirled her finger around a piece of his hair.

"are you okay?" he asked, squinting his eyes in concern.

"yeah, i'm just... really happy right now."

chase responded by leaning down for another chaste kiss before resting his lips on her forehead.

_this is where you're meant to be right now, toni. chase is your everything now. don't think about the past._


	7. they can totally be friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback: cheryl and toni are in a weird place of their relationship
> 
> current: the gang all head to boston for jughead's graduation and toni and cheryl are both boyfriend-less and girlfriend-less for the weekend

_cheryl sat in the living room, laptop on her lap, headphones in her ears, and an open notebook next to her, as she watched a video for class while simultaneously taking notes. it's been a couple weeks since spring break and cheryl has heard from toni maybe twice this week._

_they've both just been so busy, or at least that's what cheryl keeps telling herself. it's been weird since spring break, but she's not gonna worry. summer break is around the corner and she and toni will have three months to reconnect._

_due to the loud music blasting in her ears, cheryl didn't hear veronica entering the apartment, and had no clue she was home until she sat beside her on the couch._

_"veronica! you scared the hell out of me," cheryl gasped as she removed her airpods from her ears._

_"i literally called your name three times. maybe turn the music down when you're home alone."_

_cheryl breathed out a laugh in response and turned back to the homework in her lap. it was silent for a few minutes as veronica made her way to the kitchen. she was about to plug her headphones back in when the girl spoke up on her way back to the living room with a bowl of cereal._

_"have you heard from toni?"_

_"not for a couple days, why?" cheryl answered a little monotonously, keeping her eyes focused on her laptop._

_"i was just wondering. you haven't spoken to her much this week, if at all."_

_"yeah we've just been busy with school, and why do you care?" cheryl snapped, unintentionally, tearing her eyes away from her screen to look at her roommate._

_"just making sure you're okay, you've been sort of... down since spring break."_

_"i'm just trying to focus on the last of my assignments. don't worry about toni and i. we're fine."_

_"okay," although veronica wasn't convinced she knew not to push cheryl, so she dropped the subject and left cheryl to her homework._

_although she could hardly focus now._

_**dammit lodge.** _

_with a heavy sigh, cheryl closed her laptop and her notebook, and moved into her room. she dropped her school supplies on her desk and flopped back on her bed with her phone in her hand._

_she clicked on toni's name and facetime'd her. it rang so long she was sure she'd get the 'facetime unavailable' screen but just as she was about to cancel the call, toni answered._

_"hey baby!" toni yelled into the phone. wherever she was, there was very loud music playing._

_"hey, is this a bad time?"_

_"huh!?"_

_"i said is this a bad time?" cheryl said a little louder, now staring at the ceiling of wherever toni was, meaning she probably put the speaker up to her ear to hear her._

_"no! no! it's never a bad time for you!" toni yelled again with a smile and cheryl was about to smile back when toni's eyes drifted off the screen._

_"no, i'm talking to my girlfriend," she heard toni yell. "chase says hi," she said to the screen._

_"tell him i said hi," and cheryl paused as toni looked off the screen again to tell chase. "look, if this is a bad time we can just talk later-"_

_"i'm sorry, what did you say baby!?"_

_"i said if it's a bad time we can-" she started to say again but was interrupted by her girlfriend, once again talking to someone else._

_"no maya, no," toni laughed. "no, i'm on the phone."_

_cheryl squinted as she saw a hand, that she assumed to be maya's, enter the screen, her thumb and pointer finger pinching a blunt._

_"are you smoking marijuana?" cheryl asked, loudly enough for toni to hear._

_"yeah babe, but only a little."_

_"okay, clearly you're too busy to talk so just call me when you can spare a minute for your girlfriend." cheryl huffed, annoyance clear as day in her voice._

_"baby i'm sorry, you just caught me at a bad time. we're probably gonna bounce in an hour or so, so if you're still up i'll call you when i get home, okay?"_

_"okay. love you."_

_"love you too."_

_and the call ended immediately._

_toni didn't call her back that night._

...

it was the following weekend. cheryl hasn't seen toni since their lunch last sunday, but she couldn't stop thinking about it. it felt so good to see toni again. and better than that, it didn't feel awkward at all. it really felt like old times.

part of cheryl really wanted to see toni again. you know, just to catch up some more and see how her life has been. but she knew she couldn't just call her up and ask her to lunch again.

although, she's thought about it. her thumb has hovered over her name on her phone screen multiple times. but then she would exit the app and stare at the picture of destiny on her home screen, a reminder that she shouldn't.

and speaking of destiny. things with her have still been great since the lunch, which cheryl was thankful for. but, unbeknownst to cheryl, destiny felt like things have changed, or are going to change.

cheryl never gave her a reason to be so... insecure. she held her hand the entire time they had lunch with toni. but destiny couldn't help this feeling in the pit of her stomach. even after cheryl has reassured her so many times.

even now, and cheryl planned to travel to boston, for jughead’s graduation with the rest of her friends. destiny felt an uneasiness, considering she had to go out of town for the weekend for her father's birthday.

"you sure you can't come with me?" destiny whined as she and cheryl sat on her fire escape, chewing on slices of pepperoni pizza.

"you know i would, but i already committed to going to jug and betty's graduations. they both came to mine, it's only fair i support them at theirs too."

"i know, i know," destiny sighed, slumping her shoulders. "it's just, i'd feel a lot better i were with you this weekend. maybe i can cancel with my parents so i can come with you."

"what do you mean you'd feel a lot better if you were with me?" cheryl squinted her eyes and tilted her head in confusion. if destiny means what she thinks she means then they're about to have a problem.

"you know, 'cause... 'cause of toni," destiny finished quietly, almost too quiet for cheryl to hear... almost.

"destiny, why are you so worried about toni? how many times do i have to reassure you that i'm with you. and quite frankly, it's a phrase that i'm sick of repeating."

"baby i'm just-"

"no, you're being insecure when i've never given you a reason to be. you say you trust me yet you don't. i'm not the problem and neither is toni. the problem is you."

"cheryl-"

"i think you should go."

"but you leave in the morning, i don't wanna leave you like this."

"well whose fault is that? now go," cheryl looked serious, but also with a hint of hurt in her eyes.

defeated, destiny sighed and gave one last look at cheryl before rising from her spot in the fire escape and going through the window without so much as a goodbye.

cheryl was pissed to say the least. and little did destiny know the fight she caused would only make her insecurities grow because she was now the reason cheryl couldn't wait to go to boston with her friends.

-

cheryl sat in an arena, smaller than the one she graduated in. however, the seats were tight and so close together her knees hit the seat in front of her.

she was seated to the left of veronica, who sat beside josie, who sat beside archie, who sat beside betty, who sat in front of reggie who sat to the right of sweet pea, who sat to the right of fangs, who sat to the right of fp, and next to him was jellybean. they were all there in support of the beanie wearing boy. all except one.

cheryl couldn't help but notice that toni was not there. and part of her felt a little disappointed that she wasn't there, and of course, as usual, her mind started to wonder. what if she changed her mind about coming? what if it was because of her? what if-

but before her mind could wander too deep, veronica got a phone call.

"hello?" she answered and cheryl looked at her as she listened to the voice in her ear.

"yeah we're in section 14," veronica paused as she turned to look back.

"yeah i see you," veronica started to wave dramatically and cheryl turned in the direction of her eyes. before her mind had a chance to think her lips curled into a smile as she saw toni standing at the top of staircase, phone to her ear, searching the crowd.

having not yet seen veronica waving, cheryl also raised her hand to wave and toni spotted her with a smile. she hung up the phone and descended the staircase, and slid into their row. it was then that cheryl realized there was an open seat next to her, not realizing that subconsciously she sat on the end on purpose.

"hey! sorry i'm late, traffic was a bitch and i may have gotten lost," toni said as she sat next to cheryl. because of the close proximity their knees accidentally bumped into each other and cheryl had to bite back a smile.

_destiny!_ her subconscious yelled at her and she quickly moved her knee away.

"no worries, they haven't walked out yet."

cheryl noticed that toni was alone, but didn't comment on it yet. maybe he was parking, or using the restroom.

"hey cheryl," toni greeted.

"hey," she turned to look at her, realizing this is the closest they've ever been, physically, in a long time. she turned back to look at the empty chairs at the bottom of the arena.

"where's destiny?" she heard toni ask, suddenly wondering why she was so curious as to her whereabouts.

"she and dalton went home for the weekend for their fathers birthday."

"ah," toni nodded in understanding.

a beat passed before cheryl asked-

"where's chase?"

"he stayed back in new york. stomach bug."

"aww, i'm sorry."

"eh, he's a big boy, he'll be fine," toni shrugged nonchalantly, as if she didn't care she was boyfriendless for the weekend.

cheryl was about to open her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the band playing the graduation march.

"oh they're coming out," toni said and they directed their attention towards the graduates walking out, the entire group screaming their heads off when jughead walked out, as well as when he walked across the stage to receive his diploma. and after the ceremony the group spent the next 30 minutes or so taking pictures with jughead.

cheryl and toni found themselves standing next to each other as jughead took a picture with his father.

"so," toni suddenly spoke up, receiving cheryl's attention. she rose her eyebrows telling her to continue. "is this still weird?"

"is what still weird?" cheryl asked back.

"us... being in the same... area?"

"no, totally not," cheryl paused as toni tilted her head forward and her lips curled up into a smile. "okay, maybe a little weird."

"yeah, maybe a little," toni joined in on the laugh.

"it would be a little less weird if my girlfriend wasn't... i uh... sorry, you probably don't wanna hear about my relationship problems."

"no, it's cool, what's going on?"

cheryl paused as she noticed the pure sincerity in toni's eyes. she sighed.

"it's just... we got in a fight yesterday and haven't spoken since. i just wish she trusted me."

"let me guess, she's weird about us seeing each other again."

"how did you know?"

"because chase and i had the same exact fight. he's insecure about our... history."

"oh my God, that's so outrageous." cheryl exclaimed.

"yeah... yeah, totally outrageous," toni agreed, hoping cheryl didn't catch her slight hesitation.

"as if we aren't capable of being friends."

"friends?"

"yeah, if that's okay with you."

"yeah. more than okay with me."

there was a pause as toni and cheryl directed their attention back to jughead who was now taking pictures with betty.

"so _friend,_ you wanna sneak away to grab a cup of coffee? there's a starbucks stand over there," toni suggested, nodding her head in that direction.

"sure."

and the two _friends_ walked away towards the coffee stand. the walk was silent but far from awkward.

"so," toni started as they stood in line.

"so." cheryl responded.

"can i be honest with you?"

"of course."

"i was a little disappointed when i got veronica's graduation invitation but not yours."

"hey, i sent you one-"

"yeah i know but i didn't get it 'til like three days later. so when i got veronica's i was really disappointed. i had already put you on my list of people to send invites to, so when i didn't get one from you i deleted your name."

"wow, should i be offended?"

"no, because when i _did_ get your invite i was really glad. mostly glad that i was right. that we are in a place where we can be happy for each other, even though we aren't together anymore."

"well i won't lie to you toni, it took me a whole day to decide if i was going to send you one or not. but in the end i really wanted you to be there. you were once such an important part of my life and i wanted to be able to celebrate, with you and all my friends, one of the most momentous occasions of my life."

"well i'm really glad i came. it really is good to see you again. and to see you happy, even though you and destiny are fighting right now."

"yeah, yeah, she's great," cheryl said with less enthusiasm as she probably should have. "and i'm glad you're happy too."

"yeah. i- i am," toni breathed out a laugh.

they were now at the front of the line and ordered, and by the time they walked back to the group they got back just in time to take a group photo, before they all decided to head out to dinner in celebration.

when they reached the restaurant cheryl couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that toni chose to sit next to sweet pea instead of her. not that she should care, which she doesn't. and at least she was sitting across from her.

however, she and toni were still able to talk. they even reminisced and shared memories of their high school and serpent days. it actually almost felt like old times. the only difference was toni and cheryl weren't attached at the hip anymore.

after dinner the group resided back to jughead’s apartment for a small gathering. it wasn't a full on after party like veronica, josie and cheryl's party last weekend. it was just the main group, plus a few extra people jughead met at school, a few cases of beer and some music.

toni and cheryl found themselves standing against the wall in the living room, talking to each other.

"man, it's been so long since we've all been together," cheryl sighed as she took a sip of her beer. 

"Do you remember the last time we were all together at a party?" toni asked, turning to leaning her right shoulder against the wall, to properly face cheryl.

"it was..." cheryl trailed off to think as she mirrored toni's position. "oh, the end of summer soirée that archie hosted before we all went off to school."

"oh yes! that was such a fun night!" toni said with a chuckle. "you know, i still have that group pic we took that night."

"really?"

"yeah. that was one of the best, although emotional, nights of my life."

"better than that time sweets, fangs and i surprised you with a visit right before Christmas break freshman year," cheryl said.

"oh my God _yes,_ and we made gingerbread houses."

"i think you mean attempted to make gingerbread houses until sweets and fangs decided to have a candy eating contest, which resulted in no candy for the houses and sweet pea throwing up."

"yeah. they're such idiots. we never knew what was gonna happen with those two."

"yeah we really had some good times." cheryl said, causing the two to laugh. their laughter died down and there was a pause as they just stared at each other.

their impromptu staring contest was interrupted by the sounds of a phone dinging. cheryl tore her eyes away as she dug her phone out of her pocket. her face fell as she read the text message on her lock screen.

**[baby <3]  
** _hey, i miss you. hope you're having fun :)_

cheryl just stared at the phone and toni watched her intently.

"everything okay?" toni asked lowly.

"yeah. it's just... destiny," cheryl locked her phone and shoved it back in her pocket.

toni wanted to ask her about it, but she didn't know if it was her place to do so. sure, they were friends again, but she didn't know if they were at that level of friendship. at least not yet.

"so," toni started.

"do you always say _so_ when you want to start a new conversation?" cheryl asked with a playful roll of her eyes.

"yes i do," toni laughed. "but i was wondering... do you still have my number?"

"yeah..." cheryl trailed off.

"i'm going to be in riverdale for a little while before i start my job in cali and i'd like to keep in touch. you know, as friends."

"uh, yeah i still have it, and i'd love to keep it touch but... aren't you worried about your boyfriend being jealous of us... _keeping in touch?"_

"he has nothing to worry about. we're just friends. and if he feels insecure, that's on him. chase has no say in who i talk to and who i can be friends with. so i would like to keep in touch, unless you're worried about destiny."

"no," cheryl answered quickly. "it's like you said, we're just friends and destiny can't control who i'm friends with."

"cool," toni smirked with a nod.

they can totally be friends.

right?


	8. it's wicked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback: cheryl and toni don't have the summer they expected
> 
> current: cheryl invites toni to see wicked
> 
> shout out to michele for coming up with 80% of this chapter!
> 
> enjoy!

_cheryl was excited for summer break. one, because she had a three month break from school, which she really needed. but mainly because she gets to spend three whole months with her girlfriend._

_their first year of long distance was no cakewalk. it was fine their first semester, they facetimed every night. only missing a couple, for homework and school related reasons._

_they even took veronica's advice and tried facetime sex, which was more exciting than either of them could anticipate. and they even made it into a weekly thing._

_their thanksgiving and Christmas breaks were amazing. separating again after that was really hard. but they knew as long as they communicated like they did their first semester, all would be fine._

_it wasn’t until after spring break that things shifted between them. their daily facetime turned into maybe twice a week. and their text messages were sporadic, some days they didn't talk at all._

_but this summer was going to be their chance to reconnect, get their spark back._

_at least that's what cheryl thought._

_for when toni came home she was different._

_the first change cheryl noticed was when she picked her up from the airport and engulfed her in a tight embrace. she buried her nose into toni hair. it didn't smell like lavender like it usually does. her hair smelled like marijuana._

_but cheryl didn't mention it. it's legal there so maybe she was always around people who smoked._

_the second change cheryl noticed was that night when they had sex, for the first time since spring break. it was nice, but for some reason cheryl didn't feel as... connected as they usually did. as she could tell toni felt it to, because when they were finished as she flopped down on her back, toni's facial expression didn't look as... satisfied as she usually does after the two have sex. toni just blamed it on the stress from finals and the long flight. and cheryl accepted it._

_but things with them remained weird for the remainder of the summer. there was this weird tension between them, neither of them knew the reason, neither of them addressed it, but it was there._

_they weren't like the old cheryl and toni, riverdale high's power couple, anymore; always attached at the hip. you would think after spending 9 months apart, the worlds clingiest girlfriends_ **_would_ ** _be attached at the hip. but they weren't._

_maybe, they have just gotten so used to being apart for so long that being together, in each other's space, is just... weird._

_for example, one day, cheryl suggested the two go to a movie together, and toni agreed._

_however, cheryl had her hand offered to toni the entire film, her palm resting up on the arm rest between them. but toni was too invested in the film to even notice._

_the couple used to always cuddle in the movie theater, sometimes would even miss half the movie, due to them making out. but now they didn't have that closeness they used to._

_"well i would ask if you enjoyed that movie, but you were so invested, so i assume you did," cheryl said once they were in her car, heading back to her apartment. when she was met with silence she averted her eyes from the road to look over at toni, who was texting away at her phone._

_"oh, huh?" toni said once it registered that cheryl had just asked a question._

_"i said, did you enjoy the movie?"_

_"oh, yeah. it was great," toni answered before looking back down at her phone screen, typing away._

_cheryl just nodded and focused back on the road. she didn't ask anymore questions, and toni continued to text the entire ride back to cheryl's apartment._

_when they got back, toni jumped straight onto the bed as cheryl excused herself to the bathroom. there was always something the couple did after a date, a tradition she definitely didn't intend on breaking._

_she changed out of her clothes and into something a bit more sexy, and she sauntered out of the bathroom. but her face fell when she saw toni still typing away at her phone._

_"is that phone screen sexier than me or something?" cheryl asked as she walked closer to the bed and again it took toni a few moments to register that she was speaking to her._

_"huh- woah," toni said as she looked up from her phone, her jaw dropping. she scanned her body with her eyes, causing a shiver to run up cheryl's spine. it's been a while since toni has looked at her like that._

_but suddenly her phone beeped, another text, and she tore her eyes away to look down at the message._

_"are you kidding me? i'm half naked and you're more worried about your phone," cheryl said, voice laced with attitude and eyes rolling in annoyance as she walked around the side of the bed. "who are you even texting?"_

_"i'm, uh..." toni didn't get a chance to answer as cheryl took her phone out of her hand. this caused toni to jump off the bed quickly. "cheryl."_

_"maya?"_

_"yeah-"_

_"so talking to her is more fun than spending time with your girlfriend?"_

_"no. it's just... we discussed the book that the movie we saw is based on in our literature class, and we both talked about going to see it once it came out. and she saw it last week so we were just talking about it."_

_"uh huh."_

_"look," toni started as she pulled the phone out of cheryl's hand and set it face down on the nightstand. "putting my phone away, and now you have my full attention," toni said as she slid her hands around cheryl's waist._

_that night they spent closer than they have the majority of the summer. but it didn't fix that weirdness between them. it was still there, hanging in the air._

_and that one night they spent together didn't equate to the many days they spent apart. the days toni would drive down to riverdale to visit sweet pea and fangs, and would return home days later, even after reassuring cheryl she was just going down for the day. and she would always return, her clothes smelling like marijuana._

_"do you have to get high every time you go visit those goons?" cheryl asked after toni's fifth visit down to riverdale._

_"i don't_ **_have_ ** _to but it's fun, after spending nine months in california it's kinda become the norm. it's not an issue is it?" toni asked._

_cheryl wanted to say yes. she wasn't too fond of toni's drug use, plus she would much rather toni spend time with her than getting high her boys. but of course she didn't say anything._

_another thing that changed between the couple was their communication, or lack thereof. they didn't talk like they used to. again, maybe it's because they've gotten used to not speaking for a couple days at a time. but neither of them brought up the issue._

_the tension between them stayed until the end of their summer. even the day toni had to leave back to california. of course the day before they spent the entire day together, and that night saying goodbye between cheryl's sheets. but that didn't get rid of the unspoken tension. and their airport goodbye wasn't as emotional as it was a year ago._

_if they thought this summer tension was bad, they had no idea what was in store for them and the dramas their sophomore year would bring_.

...

cheryl hasn't stopped smiling since her weekend in boston. she and toni have rekindled their friendship, and she didn't know why but she was so excited about it.

she really feels good having toni back in her life again, even if they're just friends. and after everything that went down between them in college she still felt so comfortable around her.

ever since their day in boston, after declaring their friendship, she and toni had been texting. quite a bit. it's crazy, after their breakup cheryl thought she'd never speak to toni again. but now, she can't help the excited feeling she gets when she receives a text message from toni.

however, it's put a damper on her current relationship. she hasn't spend much time with destiny since returning from boston, except for a couple lunch dates. but even then she wasn't fully there. still texting toni, and hiding her phone from destiny when she does it.

luckily destiny wasn't one of those girls that needed the password to her phone or had to know who she's texting. but she still couldn't help but feel a little guilty that she's been distracted from her girlfriend.

but she was going to fix that. she and destiny have tickets to wicked the musical, tickets they bought months ago. she felt bad she has been leaving destiny hanging lately, so tonight she was determined to get their spark back.

cheryl walked into destiny's apartment building and up one flight and stopped in front of her door, knocking with an excited smile. a smile that faded a little when destiny's twin opened the door instead.

"dalton? what are you doing here?" cheryl said as she stepped inside the apartment.

"just uhh, checking on my sister," he said slowly.

"why are you being weird?" cheryl asked as she made her way through the apartment and towards her girlfriends bedroom. she opened the door and her smile fell even more at the sight of destiny, laying in her bed, basically coughing up a lung.

"destiny? are you okay?" cheryl asked, immediately running to her side.

"dalton, you weren't supposed to let her in," she chastised her brother who just shrugged in response.

"why didn't you tell me you were sick?" cheryl asked.

"because i didn't want to disappoint you. we were supposed to go see wicked tonight, and the plan was to rest all day so i could be better by this evening," destiny said before having another coughing attack.

"aww honey, we can go see wicked another time," cheryl said, trying her best to hide her disappointment.

"no, babe, you should still go."

"but-"

"cheryl, you've been dying to see this musical; i don't wanna keep you from going. maybe you could invite veronica, or josie to go with you."

"are you sure?"

"yes i'm sure."

"okay, but tomorrow i'm coming over and i'm taking care of you all day."

"and i'm looking forward to it."

cheryl felt a little bad that she would be going to see this musical without her girlfriend. this was supposed to be their night to reconnect, and get their spark back.

but it's okay. veronica and josie both love musicals so taking one of them won't be a problem. and she promised she'd take care of her girlfriend all day tomorrow, so they could get their spark back then.

-

"oh great, you're both out here," cheryl said as she walked into her apartment to her best friends sitting in the living room.

"what's up?" veronica asked, pausing the movie they were watching as cheryl sat down on the couch.

"which one of you would like to accompany me to wicked tonight. destiny is sick so i have an extra ticket.

"you know i would love to go, but i can't, i have a date with archie tonight," josie said somberly.

"ronnie?"

"you know how much i love musicals... but... i can’t."

"why not?"

"reggie may have... invited me to dinner tonight."

"he may have?" josie asked.

"you're having dinner with your ex boyfriend?" cheryl deadpanned.

"well yeah, we're just friends," veronica defended herself.

"ha, sure," cheryl said with a hint of sarcasm. suddenly her eyes went wide as a lightbulb flashed in her head. she just got an idea. "speaking of friends, i know exactly who to invite."

-

toni hasn't stopped smiling since she left boston. cheryl was back in her life. after they broke up she never expected she would be back in her life ever again, but she was. they were friends and that was cool with her.

however, her amazing weekend, rekindling her friendship with cheryl, was halted the second she returned to riverdale.

toni and chase were staying with her grandfather for a little while before they had to return to california to start their careers. but something between was off. has been off since they left california. they've gotten in more disputes these past couple weeks than they have their entire relationship. they aren't full on arguments, rather, disagreements.

but they aren't as close as they used to be. chase was toni's rock after her breakup with cheryl. but they aren't as connected as they were back then.

but the fact that toni and cheryl are friends again helps. they text. daily, but sporadically during the day. and her conversations with cheryl help her get her mind off her relationship drama.

another thing that has helped toni get her mind off her relationship drama is having her bike back and hanging with her boys. which is where she was currently headed.

"what's up loser!" toni greeted as she walked into the riverdale police station, with two bags from pops in her hand.

"yes sweet burgers." sweet pea rubbed his hands together as toni approached his desk.

"wow i don't even get a hello; i'm the one that brought you these sweet burgers."

"hello, toni, thank you so much for bringing this delicious food. i so greatly appreciate it."

"oh shut up, asshole," toni laughed as she sat in the chair across from his desk and they both removed the contents from their bags.

"so what'cha been up to this week? is it weird not being in school anymore?" sweet pea asked before taking a large bite of his burger.

"kinda. i'm officially done with school, like, forever. i'm now in the real world like you and fangs, where is he by the way?"

"he's patrolling."

"ah gotcha. and as for what i've been up too, really just enjoying this time off. my brain needs the break. i've been riding my bike which i have missed a lot."

"nice. and how's chase? is the big city boy enjoying being in little ol' riverdale?"

"yeah he's cool. we haven't really gotten out much though."

"what's up with that?" sweet pea asked as he popped a fry into his mouth.

"i don't know. i really don't. i just feel like we aren't... i don't know, as close as we were back in california."

"why do you think that is?"

"i just said i don't know sweets. but it all started after cheryl and ronnie's graduation."

"now i may be speaking out of my ass here but, do you think it has something to do with a certain redhead."

"you definitely are not speaking out of your ass considering our recent fights have been about cheryl. which is stupid because cheryl and i are just friends."

"sure... friends," sweet pea said sarcastically as he took a drink from his milkshake.

"what's that supposed to mean?"

"nothing nothing... i'm just talking out of my ass," sweet pea said with a chuckle as he took another bite of his burger.

-

toni left lunch with sweet pea a little agitated. why was it so unbelievable that she and cheryl could be friends. first chase, now sweet pea. so what they have a past. they are more than capable of being just friends. and she is sick of people doubting that they can.

toni walked up to her grandfathers trailer and used his spare key to let herself in. just as she walked through the door her phone beeped and she took it out of her pocket. she smiled down at the text on the screen.

**[cheryl]**

_hey toni! what are you up to?_

"seeing as i'm sitting right here, makes me wonder who is making you smile like that," chase said from where he was sitting at the kitchen table, causing toni to flinch.

"jeez, chase. you scared the hell out of me."

"who are you texting?" chase asked as he circled his spoon around his almost empty bowl of cereal.

"uh, none of your business," toni suddenly snapped.

"relax. it was just a simple question."

"sorry," toni mumbled as she walked down the hallway towards her bedroom. she answered her text as she walked into the room.

**[you]**

_nothing, just got home from lunch with sweet pea. what are you up to?_

the three dots popped up instantly, and toni set her bag down as she stood in the middle of the room to wait for the text.

**[cheryl]**

_well, i have an extra ticket to wicked tonight. would my friend like to join me?_

toni smiled as she read cheryl's message, she was about to type her reply before a deep voice scared the hell out of her, again.

"date with cheryl huh?" chase said from behind toni, causing her to flinch and snap her head around.

"will you stop sneaking up on me."

"are you gonna answer the question?" chase asked sharply, crossing his arms over his chest.

"no it's not a date, chase. cheryl and i are _just friends."_

"you can't be friends with your ex."

"that better be a general statement and not a command," toni said lowly, also crossing her arms.

"it's... it's a general statement. i just don't want you to pull away from me."

"oh my God, chase. how many times do i have to reassure you that i'm with you?"

"until i believe it," chase blurted out.

there was a pause as toni's mouth held open.

"wow. okay, you know what." toni dropped her attention to her phone as she quickly typed out a reply, pressing her thumbs hard into the keyboard.

**[you]**

_you know i'm a sucker for musicals. i would love to join you tonight. what time does the show start?_

"since you don't believe me anyway, i _will_ be spending the evening with my _friend."_

"fine."

"and you know, if you don't want me to pull away, don't give me a reason." that was the last word that was said before toni brushed past chase and headed towards the bathroom.

-

veronica's head tilted back in laughter, as josie held her stomach, laughing just as loud. but cheryl was annoyed.

"wait wait, say that again," veronica said through her laughter.

"i said toni and i are going tonight as friends."

"friends? like _friends_ friends? like, just hanging out?" josie asked.

"yes, what is the big deal?"

"oh honey. you and toni can not be friends." josie said, placing a hand on cheryl's knee.

"for why?"

"because it's not possible." veronica added.

"explain to me why it's not possible. we're adults. we're more than capable of being friends. besides you and reggie are friends. why can't we be."

"because you're like... you're like eclare," veronica said, and cheryl looked at her with a confused expression.

"i take it you've never watched degrassi. eclare is a couple on this tv show and they were true soulmates. no matter what happened, even after breaking up and dating other people, they always got pulled back into each other's orbits, like magnets."

"well this isn't a tv show veronica. this is real life."

"okayyyy whatever you sayyyy," josie sang, as cheryl received a text message.

"oh is that your friend?" veronica asked, leaning over josie to try and read the text.

"yes it is," cheryl answered, moving the phone away to read the text message.

**[toni]**

_almost in new york. can't wait to see you tonight._

"can't wait to see you tonight? oh yeah, you guys are totally friends," veronica said, voice laced with sarcasm.

"what, are friends not allowed to be excited to see friends?"

"sure. they are," josie said, matching veronica's sarcastic tone.

"whatever, i hate you both. i'm going to finish getting ready."

her friends were being ridiculous. she and toni were more than capable of just being friends. and the hypocrisy between she and toni and veronica and reggie was so unfair. cheryl and toni only had veronica and reggie beat by five or six months in relationship length, but no one was saying veronica and reggie couldn't be friends.

whatever, she wasn't going to think about it anymore. she was about to spend the evening with her newly renewed friend and she didn't want to bring that negative energy with her.

-

cheryl waited outside the theater, checking her phone every minute to look at the time and to see if toni texted. for some reason she was anxious, and she had no idea why. it's not like she and toni never spent time together before.

after a mother couple minutes her phone started to vibrate, and she smiled as she looked down at toni's name pop up on the screen.

"hey!"

" _hey, i'm walking up to the theater, where are you?"_

"i'm standing right outside..." cheryl stepped forward and looked to the left and right around the people walking on the sidewalk. "oh, i see you!" cheryl waved her arm in the air to get toni's attention, and when they locked eyes they both hung up the phone.

"hey," toni greeted as she walked up to the redhead.

"hey," cheryl repeated, and they both stood there for a few seconds not knowing what to do until they just leaned in for an awkward yet comfortable hug.

"thank you so much for inviting me. i've actually been wanting to see this musical," toni said once they pulled away.

"you and me both... shall we?"

"we shall."

the two walked into the theater, showing their tickets, and walked through the crowd towards their seats. and they had really good seats, not too close but not far away either.

"you look nice by the way, i feel underdressed," toni said. she looked at the red dress cheryl had on and then down at the black jeans and blouse she had on.

"all the years we've known each other, don't you know by now that i always dress like this," cheryl said, toni just chuckled in response. "and you're not underdressed, you look perfect."

they smiled at each other.

the lights dimmed down and the two of them turned their attention to the stage as the show started.

toni thought the first 20 minutes of the show was wonderful because after that she had no idea what was going on, on stage. toni couldn't help it but her hand felt drawn to cheryl's. it was sitting right there on the arm rest between them. it would be so easy to just grab it. she had the strongest urge to.

but every time her finger would twitch she had to mentally yell at herself.

_what are you doing?_

what is she doing? why is she thinking about grabbing cheryl's hand? maybe it's because it's just the two of them. but they are not on a date. they are just friends. so why is she having these thoughts?

_just friends!_

she was okay with friendship. more than happy to have that with cheryl. so why is she having these thoughts. she has a boyfriend. sure, they're in a rocky place right now, but that doesn't take away from the fact that she has a boyfriend.

_oh fuck. chase. was he right?_

suddenly the lights in the house came on, and she noticed people starting to get up from their seats, and that's what brought her back to reality.

"is it over?" toni asked.

"no silly, just intermission. if you would excuse me, i need to use the ladies room."

"oh okay." toni stood up from her chair to allow cheryl to walk past her, then fell back into her seat.

on the outside she seemed fine, but on the inside she was panicking.

_was chase right?_

no, of course not. she's not pulling away. she's crazy about chase. she just hasn't spent any time alone with cheryl in a long time. and she and chase just had a fight earlier that day. that's all. they're just friends. and she's with chase. and cheryl is with destiny.

_just friends!_

cheryl came back to her seat just as the lights began to dim, apologizing and informing her that the line for the bathroom was really long.

and for the rest of the show toni tried so hard to focus on the show, but she still hardly paid any attention because she was focusing all her attention on reasons why she shouldn't want to grab cheryl's hand.

-

"wow that was amazing!" cheryl gasped as she and toni were walking out of the theater.

"yeah! so amazing," toni lied, because she had no clue what she even just saw. she hoped cheryl didn't catch it because she used to be able to tell when toni was lying.

as they were walking out, toni looked up at the signs above the door.

_you're now leaving oz_

_reality straight ahead._

that's exactly where toni didn't want to go right. back to reality.

but, she also didn't want this night to end.

"you wanna grab some dinner?" cheryl asked, as if she just read toni's mind.

"i'd love to."

-

"so,"

"are you stealing my conversation starter?" toni joked from her side of the booth in the restaurant the two currently sat in.

"yes," cheryl laughed. "but, what was your favorite part of the show."

toni paused, slightly panicking on the inside.

_oh, you mean the show i totally zoned out on?_

"uh, well the whole thing was amazing; i can't just pick one."

"oh come on, there has to be a stand out moment for you."

"what was yours?" toni deflected.

"definitely defying gravity, when elphaba rises into the sky. such a powerful moment."

"right, same! that part was great. i loved it." toni said, trying a little too hard to over sell it. cheryl squinted her eyes at toni, and toni was afraid she could tell she was lying.

"yeah i also really loved when doctor dillamond came back and led the munchkin army into battle."

"yeah me too!"

"toni, that didn't even happen."

 _oh fuck,_ she thought. she's been caught.

"okay you caught me. i _may_ have been a little distracted."

"it's wicked! what could you have possibly been distracted by"

toni couldn't exactly tell cheryl just what she had been distracted by, but apparently cheryl can still tell when she's lying. but she risked it anyway.

"uh... chase. we uh... had another stupid fight today, so i couldn't really enjoy the show like i wanted to."

it wasn't a total lie. she did have a fight with chase and she hoped she said it with enough conviction to make cheryl believe her.

"oh, toni, i'm so sorry."

"it's okay. it seems like all we do as of recently is fight."

"i'm sorry, do you wanna talk about it?" cheryl asked softly as she reached across the table to rest her hand on her forearm. and the touch sent a bolt of electricity through toni's body.

"not really, i don't wanna put a damper on our fun evening."

"well, if you ever need to talk, i'm only a phone call away."

there was a pause as the two smiled at each other.

"thank you cheryl. that means a lot." toni's breath hitched as cheryl removed her hand from toni's arm, and she couldn't help but miss the contact. it was familiar and comforting.

"what are friends for right?”

_friends, toni! friends!_

when they were finished eating their waiter came by, only laying one check on the table, which cheryl quickly grabbed.

"i can take care of it, cheryl," toni offered.

"no need," she replied simply.

"well at least let me pay half."

"not necessary. i invited you out tonight so it's on me."

"okay, that's fair. but next time it's on me."

"next time?"

"yeah, unless tonight was absolutely horrible and you never wanna see me again."

"oh absolutely. worst night of my life," cheryl replied sarcastically, and both of them fell into a small fit of laughter. "but next time... i'll hold you to that."

after paying for the meal, and toni insisting she leave the tip, the two made their way out of the restaurant.

"tonight was really fun. thank you so much for inviting me. i really needed this," toni said as they stood outside.

"thank you so much for joining me. it's been really great hanging with you again."

"yeah. same. we should get together again, maybe lunch this weekend."

"sure, just call me."

"will do."

the two just stood there for a few moments, silent, and just staring at each other until toni spoke up.

"well, i should hit the road, head back to good ol' riverdale."

"yeah, okay. uh, see ya," cheryl said and stepped towards toni, opening her arms, and toni walked into them, giving her a hug goodbye.

toni caught herself inhaling her scent. she still smelled the same.

when they pulled away toni's eyes dropped to cheryl's lips, still coated in that signature red color. she thought about leaning in. she actually did, only making it maybe an inch closer until a certain curly haired boy popped into her mind.

she inhaled sharply and pulled away, taking a step back.

"well this was fun, friend. and i'll see you this weekend," toni rushed out, before sticking her hand out. she awkwardly shook cheryl's hand before turning on her heels and fast walking towards her car.

and she only had one thing in her mind as she drove back towards riverdale.

_i think chase was right._


	9. oh f*ck indeed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback: first semester of sophomore year and cheryl and toni aren't like they used to be.
> 
> present: the aftermath of cheryl and toni's night out.
> 
> i guess smut warning, kinda, but it's very very brief.
> 
> enjoy!

_sophomore year jump started with a bang. toni was excited to be back on campus. she and maya had planned to be roommates again, which toni was so happy about. she and maya got along great, and she wouldn't have to worry about starting at square one with someone new._

_"it's so good to see you! how was your summer?" maya asked as she and toni embraced each other in the lobby of their new dorm._

_"it was good!"_

_toni had about the same greeting with chase and her photography crew when they met up at a welcome back cookout on campus._

_toni was really excited about her class schedule. she was done with her core classes meaning she could finally take classes specific to her major._

_her favorite class was her photography 101 class. she mostly loved it because of the incredible red room. it was way better than the one her photography club used._

_she shared a class with chase. it was history of photography. it required more reading than hands on activities, but she didn't mind the reading. plus it gave her the opportunity to hang out with chase more. he's become one of her best friends in california._

_cheryl was excited to be back in school too. she absolutely loved being on campus, amongst her fellow scholars._

_she officially declared a minor in art so she was able to take more art classes. her favorite class was graphic design. all of her art had only ever consisted of a sketchbook and a pencil so she absolutely loved being able to broaden her horizons. and, being the perfectionist she was, she was a natural at it._

_she was taking seven classes this semester, which some would say was a little ambitious, but she declared her minor a year late and refused to get behind; her plan to graduate in four years would not be held back for anything._

_but the fact that she was taking seven classes made her a very busy woman. she didn't have as much time for fun as she did during her freshman year, but she stayed on top of her work and made sure to have every assignment done by saturday so she could have sunday to rest and have fun with her friends._

_speaking of friends, cheryl ended up befriending pencil boy and his sister. turns out, destiny was an art minor as well, so they shared two classes together that semester. and cheryl had to admit the twins weren't all bad. destiny had even apologized for trying to get set up with her._

_living with veronica and josie was still amazing. the dynamic between those three was incredible. and cheryl counted herself lucky getting to live with such amazing girls._

_the first month back in school was okay for cheryl and toni. just okay. they texted, sporadically, and facetimed a few times a week. but that weird tension from the summer had not gone away. the dynamic between them was just off._

_for example, the first week of september, leading up to cheryl's first exam, she was in the library, zoned in to her textbook when she received a facetime call from toni, a call she ignored because she needed to focus. until toni called again._

_cheryl huffed as she set her phone up against her computer as she answered the call._

_"toni, i'm very busy," cheryl answered, instead of hello._

_"sorry, we just haven't talked all week. i wanted to see how you were doing."_

_"i'm studying. i have an exam tomorrow; so can we talk later?"_

_"uh, yeah, sure," toni replied._

_they hung up without a goodbye._

_their second month, they communicated even less._

_one day, while toni was at dinner with her photography crew she got a phone call from cheryl, after a week and a half of silence. toni excused herself to answer._

_"hey," she answered, no term of endearment._

_"hey, are you busy?"_

_"i'm at dinner with my crew, what's up?" she informed, instead of 'never too busy for you,' like she did when they first separated._

_"well, we have friday off, so i was wondering if you'd wanna come visit this weekend?"_

_"i can't; i have a project due on sunday at 11:59. i'm gonna be working on it all weekend."_

_"oh, okay. well, have fun with your crew."_

_they hung up without a goodbye._

_their third month leading up to thanksgiving got even worse._

_cheryl was so excited to have almost a week off from school. she definitely deserved it. and this thanksgiving was even better because she planned a family dinner with alice. the two had never been really close, but being in college had matured cheryl, and she wanted to have a better relationship with her cousins and her niece and nephew._

_but on that tuesday, the week of thanksgiving, cheryl got a facetime call from toni._

_"hey," she answered, no term of endearment._

_"hey," toni answered. if it wasn't for the fact that cheryl and toni are more out of tune with each other than they have ever been, cheryl would've noticed that toni looked more solemn than usual._

_"hey," cheryl heard a voice that wasn't toni's and saw a hand, holding a coffee cup come into frame. "i got your favorite. venti iced mocha, no whip, two shots of caramel."_

_"thanks,” toni replied to the voice._

_"who was that?" cheryl asked._

_"just maya."_

_"she knows your drink by heart?"_

_"yeah, we work together. she's seen me make it like a hundred times."_

_"yeah no worries cheryl. somebody's gotta take care of your girl when you're 3000 miles away," maya squeezed herself into toni's screen and smiled at toni in a way that made cheryl raise an eyebrow._

_"relax, she's just kidding," toni rolled her eyes and pushed the girl away. cheryl had a peculiar look on her face but didn't push the matter, this time._

_"mhm, anyways... what time are you getting in tomorrow?"_

_"about that. baby, i have bad news," toni said slowly. cheryl hadn't heard the word baby in a while. she knew whatever it was couldn't be good. "i won't be able to come home for thanksgiving."_

_"for why?"_

_"the photography club is driving down to san diego over the holiday; we're being honored with an award for best collegiate social media."_

_"toni... i'm proud, i really am, but... it's thanksgiving, and i haven't seen you in two months."_

_"i know, but they're honoring_ **_my_ ** _photographs. this is huge."_

_"that's amazing, but..." cheryl trailed off as she realized something. "wait, when did you find out about this?"_

_there was a pause as cheryl saw toni's eyes drop._

_"about a week ago?"_

_"and you wait until two days before thanksgiving to tell me!?" cheryl snapped._

_"i was afraid to tell you. afraid you'd be mad that i'm not coming home."_

_"oh i'm mad. but not because you're not coming home. i'm mad because you think i wouldn't have canceled my thanksgiving plans to come celebrate one of your accomplishments_ **_with_ ** _you."_

_"cheryl i- i don't know what to say."_

_another pause, as cheryl pursed her lips and nodded her head._

_"you know what, toni. you have fun. congratulations."_

_"cher wait-"_

_and cheryl hung up, without a goodbye._

_they didn't speak for a week after that._

_when Christmas break came around, neither girl was elated like they were freshman year. they were happy to see each other again, sure, but they weren't over the moon excited._

_and that tension from the summer, that carried all through the first semester remained._

_they had no idea what was about to hit them during their second semester of sophomore year, but let's just say it would be the_ ** _worst_** _semester of their college career_.

...

cheryl stood there, baffled by what just happened. but honestly, if you asked her what just happened, she wouldn't even be able to tell you.

she and toni were having such an amazing night. hanging out as friends, proving stupid veronica and josie wrong. then out of nowhere toni booked it out of there like she had just seen a ghost.

and cheryl could've swore she saw toni's eyes drop to her lips.

no. no. that couldn't have happened. toni has a boyfriend. she and toni are just friends. they had an agreement.

_you and toni can not be friends._

_it's not possible._

no, veronica and josie were wrong. if, and only _if_ , toni did that it's only because she is having problems with chase. yeah, that's it. just a simple error in judgement. that's why toni left so quickly. not wanting to risk their friendship. yeah.

she got into her car with a satisfied huff. happy to have come to a self resolution. it wasn't a big deal. so what if toni looked at her lips. it's not like she's never looked at her lips before.

_but you were a couple then._

but even so, it wasn't that big of a deal. they were just together, alone, for the first time in a _long_ time. well if you don't include the times they've gotten lunch together. but this was different. it was late at night. even though it wasn't a date, but just a friend hang, maybe it was easy to fall back into habit. they do have history after all. it's fine.

_but why is it fine? why is it okay to fall back into habit with your ex girlfriend._

it shouldn't be, but cheryl doesn't want to lose toni. you know, as a friend. cheryl has really enjoyed reconnecting with toni, and she's not ready to give that up. to give up their _friendship_. yeah, that's it.

she tried her best not to overthink it as she drove back to her apartment. and once she arrived home she just hoped that neither of her roommates were home yet so she could sneak away to her room and hide there for the remainder of the night.

she should've known better, because the second she walked into the apartment veronica jogged out of her room to greet her.

"heyyyy," veronica sang and cheryl rolled her eyes. "how did you _friend hang_ go?"

"it was great, bye," cheryl tried to walk to her room before veronica blocked her path.

"ah ah ah. i want deets, girl."

"why?"

"why not? figured you'd be more than happy to tell me that josie and i we're wrong and that you and toni _can_ hang out as just friends."

"only if you tell me how _you're_ _friend hang_ with reggie went."

"it was fine. we had a nice dinner, and he brought me back home."

"oh, so you didn't make out with him in his car?"

"nooo..."

"no? so you did this to yourself?" cheryl moved veronica's hair away from her neck and poked the dark spot that was there.

"okay, so we made out, whatever. it's not like we're back together. now enough about me, how was your night with toni?"

"it was great, the show was amazing. dinner was great."

"okay, but how was _toni?"_

"she's good. it's been swell reconnecting with her."

"uh huh. _reconnecting_ ," veronica sang, wiggling her eyebrows.

cheryl rolled her eyes, and walked past veronica towards her room, but of course veronica was hot on her tail.

"i... have a hypothetical question," cheryl said, as she sat down on the edge of her bed.

"hit me," veronica replied as she sat down in her desk chair.

"hypothetically, if someone... looks down at your lips, does that... mean anything?"

"why would you ask such a specific hypothetical question unless... wait... did toni do that?"

"maybe, but it doesn't mean anything, right?"

"when did she do that?"

"when we left dinner, after saying our goodbyes,” cheryl furrowed her brows when veronica started laughing.

"cher, honey. she wanted to kiss you."

"what? no she-"

"i knew it! i told you, you two cannot be friends," veronica cheered as she spun around in cheryl's chair. "so what happened after that? did she start to lean in?"

"no. after that she gave me the most awkward handshake and basically ran away."

"oh, yeah. she totally has feelings for you. oh i can't wait until josie gets home tomorrow to tell her," veronica laughed.

"glad you think this is funny. but i don't think she has feelings for me. she had just had a fight with her boyfriend and we were having a great night, maybe it was just an error in judgement. hence, why she ran away."

"could be, or we could go with my theory. i like my theory better."

"your _theory_ has as much evidence as the world being flat, veronica."

"whatever you say. maybe you're just jealous your night didn't end like mine," veronica sassed, flipping her hair back to show off her hickey, before walking out of her room with her head held high.

cheryl watched her walk away. she pressed her mouth together in a straight line and tilted her head with squinted eyes. she rolled her eyes before standing from her bed and closing her door.

that night, cheryl laid wide awake, her mind running a mile a minute. there was no way toni wanted to kiss her, and there's no way she has feelings for her. they've been broken up for two years. have barely said two words two each other since, up until her graduation. plus toni had a boyfriend. there's no way she has feelings for her.

but...

what if...

no. no. she doesn't.

right?

cheryl thought about what could've possibly led up to it. toni arrived and they went straight to their seats. toni complimented her outfit but that was no big deal. cheryl compliments veronica and josie all the time.

then after the play, toni said she was distracted the whole time. she said it was about the fight she and chase had, which was true, but not the whole truth. toni looks to the left when she lies. so toni was hiding something.

she was distracted during the play, but what if she wasn't distracted by her fight with chase. what if she was distracted by something else? _someone_ else?

she closed her eyes and tried to vividly remember their goodbye. they hugged. they backed away from the hug. they made eye contact. she pictured the way toni looked at her. it's starting to hit her now. toni looked at her how she used to. then she saw her eyes drop down to her lips.

cheryl knew it happened. she saw it. but she refused to believe toni had feelings for her or even wanted to kiss her. it was just a small error in judgement. that's all.

-

 _no, no, no, no, no,_ is what toni thought her entire drive back to riverdale.

_this cannot be happening._

_chase is supposed to be my everything right now._

_i shouldn't be thinking about my ex like that._

_chase was right._

toni's thoughts were yelling at her the whole way home.

this is bad. this is really bad. and all she could think about was that chase was right. and she feels awful about it. all the times she told him not to worry, and stop being insecure, well now he has a reason to worry.

_i mean, it's not like i actually kissed cheryl._

**_but you were thinking about it and thinking about holding her hand._ **

_dammit._

toni tried the pinpoint when it happened, cause she didn't just think about kissing her ex girlfriend on a whim. it had to build to that. so she thought about where this all started.

the graduation invitation.

as soon as she received it her heart swelled, and the first thing she thought was how amazing cheryl looked.

then the graduation itself; the ceremony. chase told toni that she had a look of longing as she watched cheryl cross the stage. of course toni denied it, but thinking back now, maybe chase was right.

then after the ceremony, when toni saw cheryl and destiny kiss, she looked away, and chase noticed. he said toni looked away as if the sight of her ex kissing someone else disgusted her. and of course she denied it, said she was being respectful. but thinking back now, maybe chase was right. she didn't want to see anybody else kissing cheryl.

then she had dinner with cheryl and destiny. they were being couply and cute, and toni felt jealousy. she tried to force it down but it was there. then destiny left and it was the two of them, only for a short period of time but it was nice. and before leaving the two stared at each other, and toni felt something else. she didn't know what it was then but she knows what it is now.

then they went to jughead's graduation, and they were both boyfriend and girlfriend-less. and they renewed their friendship. they bonded, and reminisced about their past, the good part of their past. and they decided to keep in touch. and they did. they texted, a lot.

then cheryl invited her to the play. and she wanted to hold her hand; had the strongest urge to reach for it. and it wasn't a _'for some reason'_ feeling. maybe at the time it was, but now she knows. she knows.

this is bad.

-

when toni got home, or rather, to her grandfather's trailer, she dragged her feet up the wooden staircase, the feeling of guilt weighing her down.

she didn't know what was going to happen when she saw chase but she knew she couldn't tell him anything. at least not yet, not until she knew for sure what she was feeling.

she opened the door and furrowed her brows at the sound of laughter hitting her ears. she walked into the trailer and saw chase and her grandfather actually having a pleasant conversation. if it wasn't for the huge pang of guilt in her chest she would've been elated about this.

she stepped into the living room and the two men paused their conversation when they noticed her in the room.

"oh, hey, you're back," chase said, his smile falling a little.

"how was it?" thomas asked.

"it was good," toni replied, less enthusiastic than she wished.

"hey, can we talk?" chase asked nervously as he stood up from the couch. toni nodded and she followed him back to their room.

her heart thudded with nervousness as she walked into the room, swallowing dryly. she just really _really_ hoped chase wasn't planning to apologize to her.

"chase," toni started as she closed the bedroom door, but was quickly interrupted.

"before you say anything toni i need to say this. i am so sorry-"

"chase-"

"no, please let me say this. i know we've been fighting about the same damn thing for the past couple of weeks. but i am so so sorry for being an insecure jerk. i'm supposed to be your man. i shouldn't be pushing you away. so, i promise, from this day forward i am going to stop being so insecure. if you want to be friends with cheryl i'm not going to stop you, because... well... i love you, toni. and i know that we don't say that often, but i do. and i know you're probably still mad at me, but please, please let me make it up to you. let me show you that i'm going to change."

"chase, i'm not-" toni cut herself off when she saw the look on chase face, and the look in his eyes. she didn't have the heart to hurt him, even when she didn't even fully understand herself.

"please. let me show you," chase bit his lip and stepped closer to toni, wrapping his hands around her lower back.

so toni let him.

but she wished she didn't.

because she didn't feel a thing. she tried, she really tried, but she felt nothing. this is the first time, since their first time, that she has had sex with him but didn't cum. this is the first time, since their first time, that she had to fake it.

and as he rolled over on his back, breathless and gasping ‘ _wow’_ , she just felt worse. the guilt grew.

toni excused herself to the shower, denying his offer to join her. she needed to be alone right now. she needed to think. but as she stepped under the hot flow of water, her ability to think was blocked by the fact that she had been left unsatisfied.

she brought her hand between her legs and started rubbing at her bundle of nerves, gasping at the feeling.

"shit," she whispered as she sped up, rubbing her fingers in circles.

suddenly a flash of red hair and a flash of plump lips entered her mind. she gasped and hesitated her movements, but then she closed her eyes and sped up again.

she focused, focused hard; on red lips, silky red hair, chocolate eyes, warm hands, delicate smooth skin, long milky legs. she tried to remember what it was like to rub her hands over her body, how it felt to tangle her fingers in her hair. tried to remember the way she sounded when she moaned, the way her eyebrows used to crease as she gasped, the way it felt as she dug her nails into her back. she tried to remember the look on her face as she got close. so close. the way she would pant as she neared her release. the way she whined as she rode the edge so close. so close. she way she groaned when she was there. _fuck there._

toni rubbed herself through her orgasm, biting her lip to keep from moaning. she slowed her fingers to a stop and rinsed them off in the flow of water.

she was satisfied physically but mentally, the guilt instantly returned, as she realized what she had just done. she just got off to the thought of her ex girlfriend, as her current boyfriend laid, spent, just down the hall. if that isn't the final nail in the coffin toni doesn't know what is.

"oh fuck," she whispered to herself. this was not good.

"toni?"

toni snapped her head around so fast her neck popped, and she released a frightened gasp. chase was standing there, in the opening of the shower curtain wearing a look of utter confusion, and shock.

_oh fuck indeed._

-

cheryl was awaken by the sound of her phone ringing. she rubbed her eyes and groaned as she reached blindly for her phone on her desk next to her bed. she opened her eyes, vision blurry, as she swiped to answer the call.

"hello," she groaned, voice raspy and thick with sleep.

" _wow you sound like me. are you sick too? is that why i'm not waking up to breakfast in bed?"_

cheryl shot up.

"oh shit. destiny, i totally forgot i was supposed to come over and take care of you all day. what time is it?"

" _it's 10:30."_

"okay, give me an hour and i'll be right over," cheryl hung up without an answer or a goodbye. she jumped straight out of bed and straight into the shower. she got dressed quickly and headed out.

she couldn’t believe she forgot about her plans with her girlfriend. she also couldn’t believe she slept so late. cheryl blossom does not sleep in. but she was up late last night, overthinking about toni. thoughts that she forced down as she drove towards her girlfriend's place.

cheryl stopped by panera to get destiny her favorite kind of bagels and a coffee. luckily when she got there, dalton was not. she walked in, using the spare key hiding in the flowerpot by the door.

"des!" cheryl called out.

"in here." she heard destiny call out from her bedroom, and cheryl followed the voice. she walked into the room with the bag of bagels and coffee in her hand.

"i know i didn't cook this, but i got your favorite." cheryl offered with a smile.

"i accept." destiny smiled back, and cheryl sat down on the bed and handed her the coffee and they dug into the bag of bagels, ripping them apart and dipping the pieces into their cups of cream cheese.

"so, how was the show last night?" destiny asked, causing cheryl to pause mid bite, her eyes going wide. she totally forgot that wicked was originally supposed to be a date night for the two of them.

"it was, great. i really loved it."

"who'd you end up going with? did veronica and josie fight for the spot."

"um... no. there was no fight," cheryl said, her voice an octave higher than usual.

"okay, what's up?" destiny said, tilting her head knowingly.

"what do you mean?"

"your voice gets really high like that when you're either hiding something or lying. so what's up?"

"okay... so, i took neither veronica nor josie to the show." cheryl said slowly.

"you went alone?"

"not exactly," her voice rose an octave again.

"who'd you go with?"

cheryl looked down at her lap guilty when suddenly she remembered everything she said to toni back in boston.

_destiny can't control who i'm friends with._

"i went with toni," cheryl said confidently as she made eye contact with destiny.

"you what?"

"don't freak out."

"don't freak out? you went on a date with your ex girlfriend. _our_ date."

"it wasn't a date destiny. toni and i are just friends and we were hanging out. you can't tell me who i can and can't be friends with."

"yeah i can, when it's your ex."

"for the last time toni and i are _just. friends."_

"oh really? look me in my eye and tell me that there is absolutely, one hundred percent, _nothing_ going on with you two."

cheryl was locked on destiny's eyes but couldn't form any words. her mouth opened and closed a couple times before she decided to go on the defensive.

"the fact that you would even ask me that shows me just how confident you are in our relationship. i've done nothing to make you feel that way,” cheryl abruptly stood from the bed to storm out of her bedroom.

"cheryl! " destiny called out as she also stood from the bed, suddenly suffering from a coughing attack, but cheryl ignored it.

"what!" she snapped as she turned back around to face her.

"you didn't deny it."

"i shouldn't have to! as my girlfriend you should trust me instead of starting this same tired argument with me!" and cheryl turned on her heels and left without a final word.

"cheryl! cheryl wait!" destiny called after her, but cheryl ignored her as she headed straight for the door.

she was mad that she was still having this same fight with her girlfriend, but one thing remained on her mind as she drove home.

why didn't she deny it?

-

toni walked into the whyte wyrm, eyes heavy from the lack of sleep from last night. and what a night it was... an awkward as hell night. toni shook her head trying to not think about it as she swung the door open and stepped into her home away from home away from home.

it was a little after 12 in the afternoon so it was pretty much vacant, except for a few serpents. toni walked to the bar where sweet pea and fangs were sitting and hopped up on a bar stool.

"hey, byrdie, let me get a beer."

"gotcha," byrdie said and pulled out a cold bottle of beer, popped the cap off and slid it down the bar to toni who caught it with her right hand and instantly brought the bottle up to her lips. she took a swig and set back down on the bar top with a sigh.

"i really need to smoke."

"hope you mean cigarettes." sweet pea chuckled, his role as riverdale’s finest ever present.

"got any on you?" toni responded.

sweet pea laughed with a shake of his head as he pulled his pack out of his jacket pocket. he opened it and extended it towards toni who took one out and put it between her lips. she took the black the lighter from sweet pea, and lit it.

toni hardly ever smoked cigarettes. only when she was really really stressed out and/or was out of weed, which is the current situation now. as she inhaled she could feel her body starting to relax.

"so what's going on tiny? you only smoke cigs when you're really stressed out." fangs said.

"well, i'm really stressed out."

"what's going on?" he repeated as both men lifted their beer bottles up to their mouths.

"i think i'm still in love with cheryl." toni blurted out as bluntly as she could. both sweet pea and fangs spit the beer out of their mouths in shock.

"you what!?" sweet pea gasped as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"are you for real?" fangs asked as he grabbed a napkin and started wiping off the bar.

"yeah. i think i am. why do you think i needed this." toni said as she took another drag from the cigarette.

"are you sure? when did this happen?"

"i guess it all started when i received her graduation invitation,"

toni retold the boys every important moment from receiving cheryl's graduation invitation up until their night together last night.

"and last night when chase and i were... you know..." toni pounded her knuckles together causing sweet pea to roll his eyes.

"having sex. just say it toni, we're grown."

"whatever. when we were having sex, i felt nothing. absolutely nothing. i had to fake it. then when... i took care of it in the shower i was... thinking about cheryl."

"whaaat?" fangs dragged out.

"and chase caught me."

"oh damn, tiny." sweet pea gasped.

"yeah, talk about awkward. but then get this. _he_ apologized, saying it was him. but it wasn't him at all. it was me."

"so you're really serious, toni? like you are sure you're still in love with red?"

"yes. i've been trying to deny it. i kept getting mad at chase for his weirdness about cheryl, but he was completely right the whole time."

"you know you have to tell him right?"

"i know. i just don't know how. and no matter how gentle i tell him i just know it's gonna break his heart. he's been so good to me. if it weren't for him i would've never gotten through my breakup with cheryl."

"it's not your fault toni. you can't control your feelings. but it's better to tell him as soon as possible rather than stringing him along and leading him on," fangs advised.

"i know that. but how am i supposed to tell him?"

sweet pea and fangs' silence was deafening.

"thanks guys. such a big help," toni deadpanned.

"look just speak from your heart. you'll know the right thing to say. and yeah it's gonna hurt him, but it will hurt a lot less now than it would if you faked it for the rest of your lives," fangs said.

"but am i really ready to throw away what i have with him? and even if i do, there's no way i'm gonna be able to have anything with cheryl. she's happy with destiny."

"toni, you know you have to tell him," sweet pea stated.

"and maybe... you should tell cheryl too,” fangs added.

"i'm sorry, i didn't quite hear you. it almost sounded like you said i should tell cheryl too," toni said sarcastically.

"better than keeping your feelings bottled up. and if she doesn't reciprocate-"

"then i lose chase _and_ my newly renewed friendship with cheryl."

"boy are you in a pickle."

"wow thanks, sweet pea. thank you so much for pointing out the fucking obvious."

_what the hell am i gonna do now?_


	10. the party was canceled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this entire chapter is a flashback. it's THE chapter... 
> 
> smut warning and uhh enjoy *runs away*

_it started spring break, freshman year. that was the start of cheryl and toni's downfall. that's where the vibe between them shifted._

_after that, it was the lack of communication that aided their downfall. but, it wasn’t just the missed texts and facetimes. it was the lack of face to face communication._

_that summer after freshman year, there was a weirdness, a tension. the both of them felt it. but neither of them brought it up. maybe if they had shared what they were feeling it could've helped stopped their downfall._

_they both loved each other, there was no doubt about that. but they didn't say it as often. the spark dissipated. the terms of endearment weren't heard as often, or said as often, and they were always making excuses on why they couldn't visit._

**_'i'm studying'_ **

**_'i have a project'_ **

**_blah blah blah._ **

_while yes most of the time it was true, especially for cheryl who had a very heavy class load. but all in all, they were excuses._

_and now, here they are in their second semester of their sophomore year. and nothing has changed. nothing has gotten better. it has only gotten worse._

_..._

**_JANUARY_ **

_it was mid january. cheryl has been back in school for two weeks, but she has only heard from toni once since she left. well, twice if you include her 'i landed' text._

_but it was okay. it's been like this. this was the new norm for them._

_cheryl had found an unexpected friend in pencil boy's sister, even after sending her brother to hook them up freshman year. cheryl didn't hold that against the girl though because she was unaware that she was in a relationship and she hasn't tried anything since cheryl had let her down._

_plus, now that she has gotten to know her, she is actually pretty cool, and she really likes discussing art with her. she considers her a pretty cool friend now._

_one night, when veronica was in ohio visiting reggie and archie was here in new york visiting josie, cheryl wanted to get out of the house. so she called destiny and asked if she and dalton wanted to hang out at the coffee shop where karaoke is usually hosted. the twins agreed and that's where they had been for the past hour._

_"wow dalton that was... absolutely abysmal," cheryl joked once dalton returned to the table, having just sung an extremely out of tune version of 'i will always love you'._

_"whatever, i was great," the boy joked back, popping the color of his flannel, causing the other two girls to laugh._

_"thank you guys for coming out with me tonight. i really needed it. all my roommates are with their boy toys and i wasn't in the mood to be alone tonight."_

_"of course, what are friends for?" destiny replied._

_cheryl smiled a tight lipped smile just as her phone rang on the table. she looked down at the picture of toni and released a sigh._

_"i'll be right back," she said as she excused herself from the table. she stepped just out the door and accepted the call._

_"hey," she answered._

_"hey, what are you up to?" toni's voice came through._

_"i'm at the coffee house right now, can i call you later."_

_"let me guess, karaoke with ronnie and josie?"_

_"actually i'm hanging out with destiny and d-"_

_"destiny?" toni interrupted before cheryl could finish her sentence. "you'd rather hang out with her than talk to your girlfriend?"_

_"oh please, like you haven't ended our calls multiple times because you were out with your photography crew," cheryl rolled her eyes, suddenly irritated by this phone call._

_"that’s different, i'm not hanging out with someone who's trying to get with me."_

_"are you sure about that?"_

_"what's that supposed to mean?"_

_"maybe you should go figure it out. goodbye toni."_

**_FEBRUARY_ **

_it was a friday, the day before valentine's day._

_toni was waiting outside the airport, leaning up against maya's car, scrolling down her twitter timeline as she waited for cheryl._

_she just happened to look up just as the redhead walked outside, and offered her a tight lipped smile. the two met for a hug and a chaste kiss before toni took her bag and set it in the back seat, and they both settled into the car. no words were spoken._

_after arriving at toni's dorm, toni asked if she wanted to watch a movie and cheryl agreed after taking a shower. once she was fresh the couple laid on top of toni's bed and cued up a movie on toni's laptop._

_they were half way into the movie when toni's door was barged open and in walked a rather chipper maya._

_"toni girl, guess what? you are not gonna belie-" maya stopped in her tracks when she noticed two bodies on toni's bed instead of one._

_"maya?" toni asked._

_"cheryl, i didn't know you were here."_

_"yeah and we're watching a movie so can you..." toni trailed off as she shooed maya away._

_cheryl squinted her eyes as she studied the look on maya's face. the way her smile dropped the second she saw cheryl, the look deep in her eyes as toni told her to leave. cheryl knew that look but she didn't comment on it, yet._

_the next day, maya was being weird, and toni was completely oblivious. cheryl caught her, more than once, staring at toni, as she cooked breakfast. she tried to force herself into their conversations and laughed extra hard whenever toni made a joke. her actions were really annoying cheryl but she didn’t comment on it, yet._

_that evening toni took cheryl to dinner. It was the first time the couple has been on a date in... actually, they couldn't even tell you the last time they have been on a date._

_“it’s been awhile since we’ve had a night like this. this is actually really nice.” toni said from her side of the table._

_“yeah. really nice,” cheryl hummed, and toni squinted her eyes at her tone._

_“what’s going on with you?”_

_“oh, nothing.”_

_“cher, come on.”_

_“it’s not something i want to talk about in the middle of a restaurant.”_

_“come on, it’s me. i’m sure whatever it is can’t be that bad, just talk to me.”_

_“talk to you?” cheryl laughed. “when is the last time we actually had a conversation.”_

_“oh yeah and it’s all my fault for that right?” toni rolled her eyes._

_“see, this is why i didn’t want to bring this up here. i’d rather not fight with you on valentine’s day in the middle of a restaurant.”_

_“well, dinner is ruined now anyway so you might as well tell me what’s going on.”_

_cheryl took a deep breath to calm herself before leaning forward._

_“it’s about maya.”_

_“what about maya?”_

_“toni, she has feelings for you.”_

_toni blinked in surprise._

_“no she doesn’t,” toni laughed as if the thought were absolutely comical._

_“yes she does. it’s so obvious. maybe you’re just too oblivious-”_

_“oblivious? you’re the one that’s oblivious. maya doesn’t like me, don’t be crazy-”_

_“crazy?” cheryl interrupted._

_“i didn’t mean it like that. you know that. come on, let’s just finish our dinner and then talk when we get back.”_

_“fine,” cheryl scoffed, sliding her tongue between her bottom row of teeth and her bottom lip, smiling sarcastically as she dramatically stabbed her fork into her meal._

_needless to say the rest of dinner was extremely awkward._

_when they got back, of course, maya was right there basically waiting by the door for them._

_“hey, how was your night?” maya asked as she hopped off the kitchen counter._

_cheryl stared at her with an annoyed expression before rolling her eyes and walking towards toni’s room, slamming the door behind her._

_“what’s her problem?” maya asked._

_“i don’t know but, could you maybe leave for like an hour or so.”_

_“you’re kicking me out of my own house?”_

_toni gave her a look that said ‘please’._

_“fine, anything for you.”_

_toni’s eyebrows twitched forward but she just shook her head and made her way to her bedroom._

_“okay, are we going to have a civil conversation or are you gonna blow up at me again?” toni asked as she stood by her door with her arms crossed._

_“depends, are you going to listen or are you going to call me_ **_crazy_ **_again?” cheryl replied, mirroring her position as she stood by her bed._

_“look, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean it like that.”_

_“toni. i’m going to say this again. your roommate... has feelings for you.”_

_“and_ **_i’m_ ** _going to say this again. no... she doesn’t.”_

_“toni, we’ve been dating for almost four years. have i ever lied to you? why the hell would i just make this up now?”_

_“i don’t know, it seems like all we do is fight now.”_

_“well i’m not trying to fight with you. i’m actually trying to have a conversation and tell you something but you won’t even fucking consider it.”_

_“because it’s not true. i know you may think she likes me but it’s a ridiculous theory.”_

_“ridiculous? wow.”_

_“and even if she did it’s not like anything would ever happen, i have a girlfriend, remember?”_

_“well, you sure are making a big case to defend her right now instead of listening to your_ **_girlfriend_ ** _. should i be worried?”_

_“wow cher, really? so what, you don’t trust me?”_

_“no!”_

_toni was taken aback. she blinked her eyes in shock and took a step back, as if her words shoved her._

_“what?” toni said quietly._

_“huh, so now you wanna listen?” cheryl raised an eyebrow, and when toni didn’t reply she took a step forward. “toni. you know i trust you. i trust you with my life, but i_ **_don’t_ ** _trust maya. which is why i’m trusting you enough to share my feelings about her with you. but the fact that you just shut me down and won’t even hear me out... pissed me off beyond compare. we used to be able to talk about anything... but now?”_

_the two locked eyes._

_nothing else was said._

_cheryl took an early flight home._

_toni sat in her room after cheryl left and stared at her ceiling. she doesn’t even know for how long. but, she was eventually pulled from her thoughts when she heard a knock on her door._

_“toni, are you okay?” maya asked as she leaned against her door frame._

_“my girlfriend left a day early. we had another fight,” toni sighed, her eyes remained locked on the ceiling_

_“what happened?”_

_“she has this crazy idea that you have feelings for me.”_

_“heh, yeah... totally crazy.”_

**_MARCH_ **

_their anniversary was coming up._

_toni stared at her phone, the most nervous she’s ever been. her thumb hovered over cheryl’s contact for almost an hour. the blunt between her fingers didn’t help relax her at all._

_she just had to do it. but she was afraid to do it. not only has toni canceled plans for visiting new york the last three times, but now she has to cancel on their anniversary._

_she took a deep breath, and another hit, and pressed the call button. it rang three times before cheryl answered._

_“hey,” cheryl voice came through._

_“hey. what are you doing?”_

_“writing a paper. what’s up?”_

_“look baby, i have bad news,” toni sighed as she flicked the ashes into the ashtray._

_“oh no, what did you do now?” cheryl asked, her voice sounding monotonous._

_“i’m sorry but i’m not going to be able to make it this weekend.”_

_“this weekend?”_

_“our anniversary?” toni furrowed her brows in confusion. There was absolutely no way cheryl forgot their anniversary. but the pause on the other line and the gasp she heard just proved her wrong._

_“oh my God. our anniversary.”_

_“you forgot!” toni suddenly snapped._

_“i didn’t forget, it just slipped my mind.”_

_“our anniversary slipped your mind? are you serious cheryl? how could you forget?”_

_“i’ve been really busy with school. besides it’s not like you’re ever around. i’ve heard from you_ **_twice_ ** _since valentine’s day. you hardly pick up your phone and you were gonna cancel anyway so it didn’t even matter if i remembered.”_

_“hey, don’t turn this around on me. you’re the one that forgot the most important day of our relationship,” toni took another hit, which probably wasn’t the best idea, because it turned into a coughing fit._

_“are you getting high right now? seriously?”_

_“yeah,” cough, cough. “i am.”_

_“wow. Okay, go enjoy your marijuana toni, i’d say talk to you later but i have no idea when that will be.”_

_“yeah, real rich coming from the girl who forgot our anniversary.”_

_and they hung up._

**_APRIL_ **

_the month when all hell broke loose._

_“hey birthday girl!” veronica cheered as she walked into the apartment with two large brown bags full of party supplies._

_“my birthday isn’t until tomorrow ronnie,” cheryl said as a matter of factly from where she sat on the couch._

_“well this is a big one. your 20th. and this are the final day of your teenage years.”_

_cheryl laughed as she placed the textbook she was reading on the coffee table and walked over to the kitchen._

_“okay, so i got everything, chips, dips, plates, cups, josie is getting the alcohol and i’ll pick up the cake tomorrow,” veronica explained as she started unpacking the paper bags._

_“you sure you don’t want any of my help?”_

_“nope. it’s your birthday. leave everything to me and josie.”_

_“okay fine,” cheryl sighed as she took a seat at the kitchen island. “what about the guest list?”_

_veronica turned around and grabbed a notepad that sat on the counter and dropped it in front of cheryl, who read over the list of names, her head tilting to the side as she noticed reggie’s name was scratched out._

_“no reggie?”_

_“nope. we had another fight so i told him to stay his ass in ohio.”_

_“i’m sorry. if it makes you feel any better, toni and i are going through a rough patch too. long distance isn’t as easy i thought, or at least hoped.”_

_“preaching to the choir, girl. have you two spoken recently.”_

_“how recently are we talking?” cheryl laughed it off. “we’ve maybe talked twice in the last two weeks.”_

_“is she coming this weekend at least?”_

_“yeah, she’s flying in tomorrow morning.”_

_just then cheryl’s phone rang from where it sat on the couch. she hopped off her seat and jogged over to grab it._

_“speak of the devil,” cheryl chuckled and she swiped to answer the call as she walked towards her bedroom. “toni, hey,” cheryl answered as she stepped into her room, and closed her door behind her._

_“hey, baby.”_

**_baby._ **

_the dynamic between them has changed, and cheryl knows that toni only calls her ‘baby’ when she has bad news._

_“toni, no.”_

_“i’m so sorry. i’m so so sorry.”_

_“it’s my birthday,” cheryl’s voice cracked and tears started to well in her eyes._

_“i know, but i have a group project due on monday and-”_

_“save your excuses toni. i understand missing a random weekend, but it’s my fucking birthday,” a tear escaped cheryl’s eye._

_“cheryl, i’m really sorry. i’m going to make this up to you, i promise.”_

_“don’t make promises you can’t keep!” cheryl smashed the end call button with her thumb and threw her phone on her bed so hard it rolled off and hit the wall._

_“cheryl? everything okay?” veronica entered the room cautiously having heard the slam._

_“that was toni. she just told me she can’t come tomorrow.”_

_“aww, hun... i’m sorry.” veronica walked towards the crying girl and pulled her into a hug._

_..._

_“cheryl, i’m really sorry. i’m going to make this up to you, i promise,” toni was on the verge of tears. she hated having to do this._

_“don’t make promises you can’t keep!” cheryl yelled into her ear, before she heard the call end._

_“cheryl? cher? dammit!” toni huffed as she tossed her phone to the foot of the bed and it rolled onto the floor. she slammed her head back against her pillow and ran her fingers through her hair._

_“toni, you good?” maya asked after knocking and walking into her room._

_“that was cheryl. she’s pissed at me,” toni sighed as she sat up._

_“seems like she’s always pissed at you,” maya accused as she sat down on the edge of toni’s bed._

_“well i just told her i can’t spend her birthday with her because i have a stupid project, so she has a right to be.”_

_“i mean, your studies come first toni. she should be understanding of that. plus, didn’t she forget your anniversary last month?”_

_“yeah but i’m not mad about that. it’s not like we’re ever together, it was an honest mistake.”_

_“and you’re always making excuses for her and giving her a pass. didn’t she start a fight with you on valentine’s day too? and when was the last time she called?”_

_“yeah...” toni trailed off._

_“i know long distance is hard, but you deserve someone who will be there but also understands that you have shit to do.”_

_“what can i say, love is hard.”_

_“it doesn’t have to be.” maya said as she placed her hand on toni’s arm._

_“yeah you’re right. it doesn’t have to be.” toni smiled._

_and in a flash, toni felt maya’s lips on hers. her eyes went wide and she immediately pushed the girl off of her._

_“maya, what the fuck are you doing!?” toni rushed out as she stood up, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand._

_“you just- i thought... you agreed with me that love doesn’t have to be hard. you- you smiled at me.”_

_“and that means i wanna kiss you!?”_

_“i thought you were feeling what i was feeling. you’ve been fighting with cheryl all semester. you’ve been growing apart.”_

_“just because we’re going through a rough patch doesn’t mean i don’t still love her! oh my God... she was right, and she’s gonna kill me.”_

_“toni relax. she doesn’t have to find out-“_

_“get out!” toni shouted before maya even had a chance to finish her sentence._

_“toni wait, shouldn’t we talk about this?”_

_“no! we shouldn’t! i have to go.” toni walked into her closet and grabbed her duffel bag._

_…_

_“happy birthday!”_

_cheryl was awakened by the sound of her roommates screaming and mini confetti poppers popping._

_“really?” cheryl groaned as she slammed her head back into the pillow._

_“uh uh, wake up birthday girl! we have brunch reservations in an hour and a half.” josie said as she pulled on cheryl’s arm._

_cheryl groaned but reluctantly dragged her body out of bed. cheryl wasn’t in the best mood to celebrate her birthday. but, it’s not the first time toni has canceled on her and it certainly won’t be the last, so she’d rather spend her birthday with her friends than sad in bed all day._

_but, when they got to brunch cheryl couldn’t even pretend to enjoy her time. toni was supposed to be here._

_“earth to cheryl,” josie’s waved her hand in cheryl’s face, the girl clearly zoned out._

_“i know you’re upset but can you at least pretend to have fun today?” veronica asked softly._

_“sorry. i’m just not in a birthday mood. it’s hard to have fun when the person you wish was here the most is not, and hasn’t been for awhile,” cheryl said as she swirled her eggs around her plate with her fork._

_“what do you need us to do? how can we cheer you up?” josie asked._

_“there’s nothing you can do. worry not, i’ll perk up before the party.”_

_veronica and josie shared a look but didn’t press the matter further, not wanting to upset her even more._

_this has been happening way too much. way too often. they barely talk, and when they do it always turns into a fight. toni is supposed to be her everything and vice versa but it hasn’t felt that way as of lately. and cheryl was sick of feeling this way._

_when they got back to their apartment cheryl headed straight for her bedroom._

_“hey where are you going?” veronica asked._

_“just want to be alone for awhile, okay.”_

_“okay.”_

_cheryl entered her room and shut her door behind her. she pulled her phone out of her pocket and climbed out onto her fire escape._

_tears already welled in her eyes as she clicked on toni’s contact and pressed the call button. she held the phone to her ear, trying her best to fight back her tears as she listened to it ring and ring and ring. she laughed and shook her head when she heard toni’s voicemail._

_“big surprise, i got your voicemail, again. toni, i’m so tired. i’m so tired of feeling like crap. i’m so tired of our plans being canceled. i know we said long distance wouldn’t be easy but it’s like we aren’t even trying anymore. we barely talk. it’s like we make up any excuse we can to not visit each other and i just... i don’t know if i can do this anymore. and i hate to do this over voicemail but you never pick up!” cheryl paused as the tears rolled down her cheeks. “i’m sorry toni. i love you, but i think we need a break.”_

_cheryl hung up the phone and covered her mouth as the tears fell freely. she gave herself a few minutes to just cry, to let it all out before climbing back into her room._

_she wiped the tears from her eyes and took a deep breath. she tossed her phone onto her bed, not really sure what to do now, until she heard veronica calling her name._

_“hey cheryl! could you come here for a sec? i need your help with something.”_

_cheryl wiped her face one last time to make sure it was clean of tears. she ran her fingers through her hair and took one more deep breath before exiting her bedroom._

_as she walked down the hall towards their the living room she stopped dead in her tracks, an audible gasp escaping her._

_toni was standing right before her, a duffle bag hanging from her shoulder, a soft smile on her face. veronica stood to the side, a toothy smile pasted on her face, but cheryl didn’t even notice, her eyes locked on toni’s._

_“happy birthday cheryl.”_

_cheryl’s feet were moving before her mind could catch up. the duffle bag was dropped to the floor just as cheryl crashed her body into toni’s, her lips instantly connecting with hers. toni wrapped her arms tightly around her lower back and cheryl cupped her cheeks._

_their lips moved insistently together as cheryl started to back up, pulling toni with her until they were in her room._

_as soon as the door closed cheryl slammed toni’s back against it. she shoved her tongue in her mouth, attacking her lips in a passionate kiss. it was filled with a little anger, and a lot of built up tension but neither girl cared._

_cheryl started basically ripping the buttons of toni’s flannel off before ripping it off her body and throwing it to the side. toni tore cheryl’s shirt off, before they worked each other out of their pants._

_cheryl trailed her lips down toni’s neck, sucking harshly at her skin and peeling her bra off her body as she did._

_she reached her breast and bit down on her nipple before sucking it into her mouth._

_“fuck.” toni gasped and slammed her head against the door and cheryl raised back up to eye level._

_“don’t talk.” she groaned before attacking her lips again._

_they both worked the remainder of their clothes off, as they kissed heatedly, breathing heavily into each other’s mouths._

_cheryl grabbed toni’s wrist and pulled her arm until her hand was cupping her center. cheryl dropped her hand toni toni’s center as well and started rubbing relentlessly on her clit, no teasing, just immediate full force._

_toni gasped, biting her lip to keep from cursing out loud, obeying cheryl’s command to not speak._

_cheryl growled and bucked her hips forward. toni got the message and started rubbing cheryl’s clit with the same force she was giving to her._

_they kissed sloppily as they worked each other up, quickly approaching the edge in just three minutes._

_cheryl lowered her fingers and shoved two of them into toni, thrusting in and out hard and fast. toni copied her movements and they moaned and groaned into each other’s mouths as they got closer and closer._

_“cum with me.” cheryl groaned and they both let go, cumming with wild gasps. they took a few moments, fingers still lodged deep within each other, to catch their breath as they came down. when they came down cheryl removed her fingers first and toni followed._

_“i missed you so much.” toni whispered._

_“shut up.” cheryl whispered back before capturing her lips in another heated kiss. she pulled toni off the door and pushed her down onto the bed, following quickly after her._

_..._

_“fuck,” cheryl gasped as she rolled over on her back beside toni._

_“that was hot,” toni breathed as she ran her fingers through her hair._

_“agreed,” cheryl said with a smile. she turned to face the girl who mirrored her position. and as she stared into her eyes her smile faltered a bit. “but uh... there’s something we need to talk about.”_

_“yeah, there is.”_

_“we can’t pretend like things between us haven’t changed.”_

_“i know they have.”_

_“we knew long distance was gonna be hard but i didn’t expect it to be this hard. i’ve never felt more disconnected from you and i hate feeling that way.”_

_“no, i know. i feel the same way and i hate it too... so what do we do?”_

_“toni, i have to come clean about something,” cheryl started and toni nodded her head to let her continue. “like, five minutes before you showed up, i...”_

_“cheryl, it’s okay.”_

_“i asked for a break over voicemail. and maybe i shouldn’t have done that, maybe i should’ve waited until we were face to face, but didn’t know when that would be. i mean, you had just canceled on me again and i was hurt and emotional and not thinking clearly but-”_

_“cheryl, it’s okay, i get it. i’m not mad.”_

_“good, because...” cheryl reached for toni’s left hand and fiddled with the promise ring that still sat on her finger. “i still think we should. at least until the summer, where can be together to properly work out what’s going on between us.”_

_“okay. whatever it takes,” toni agreed, the guilt that hid deep within her starting to rise to the surface._

_“okay,” cheryl whispered, she pushed toni onto her back and laid her head on her chest. “after my birthday, our break will begin.”_

_toni swallowed dryly, and she drew in a shaky breath. she knew that this peaceful state, a state they haven’t been in for months, was about to be ruined._

_“ch-cheryl, there’s... there’s something i need to come clean about too,” toni sat up, causing cheryl to sit up with her. “yesterday... uh... please don’t freak out when i tell you but... maya... she kissed me.”_

_“you’re kidding right?” cheryl laughed but the look of pure guilt on toni’s face was all the answer she needed, and suddenly she saw red._

_“baby, please don’t be mad.”_

_“oh, don’t you_ **_baby_ ** _me. i don’t know what i’m more mad at. maya kissing you or the fact that you didn’t fucking believe me when i told you she had feelings for you!” cheryl’s voice started getting louder as she stood up from the bed, all in her naked glory, but toni couldn’t even enjoy the view._

_“cheryl, i’m sorry i didn’t believe you.”_

_“what was it you said? i was_ **_crazy_ ** _to think that.”_

_“but you weren’t. you were right and that’s on me.”_

_“you’re damn right it’s on you. and it took that bitch putting her lips on you for you to believe me. i have never lied to you, toni!”_

_“i know cheryl, i’m sorry.”_

_“did you enjoy it?”_

_“did i- no i didn’t enjoy it, cheryl. how could you even ask me that?”_

_“well you sure broke a sweat trying to defend her. so what, you have feelings for her too huh? is that why you never call? is that why you never visit?”_

_“no, cheryl! absolutely not!”_

_“then why!? toni, you used to be the most important person in my life. my everything. the person i could talk to for hours upon hours. the person i could trust with anything. but that’s not you anymore. you never pick up the phone! you’re never here!” the tears started to well in cheryl’s eyes._

_“oh so this is all on me!? funny, i can't seem to remember the last time you came to california!”_

_“because i hate going there toni!”_

_“you what?”_

_“you’re different in california. you don’t act the same around me. admit it. it’s changed you. you’re always getting high. blowing me off to hang with your crew.”_

_“yeah, like i’m the only one that’s changed! you’ve changed too cheryl, stop trying to put all the fucking blame on me!”_

_“i’m not! we’ve both changed toni! we fight more than we talk. we thought we could handle long distance but look at us! this doesn’t feel like us. hasn’t felt like us in a long time!”_

_“so what are you saying?”_

_“that this break should be a break up!”_

_“are you serious!?”_

_“i’m tired toni! i’m so tired! this isn’t working anymore. and if you seriously think it is then you’re even more delusional than when you thought maya didn’t have feelings for you!”_

_“fine!” toni grabbed her scattered clothes from off the floor and quickly dressed herself. she walked up to cheryl and stood right in front of her. she lifted her left hand in the air and pulled the promise ring off her finger and set it down on the bed._

_“happy fucking birthday cheryl.”_

_and toni left the room and slammed the door behind her. she walked into the living room to see veronica and josie sitting there wearing worried looks on their faces. without a word she grabbed her duffle bag she dropped by the door and left the apartment._

_the second she was gone, veronica and josie ran into cheryl's bedroom and were quick to wrap a blanket around the naked girl who was on her knees sobbing and scoop her into their arms._

_the party was canceled._


	11. sunset dates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback: the aftermath of cheryl and toni's breakup.
> 
> present: toni decides on whether she should tell chase about her feelings for cheryl or not.
> 
> enjoy!

_toni was devastated. she just lost the love of her life. her forever and always. gone. her hand felt so empty without that promise ring but her heart felt even emptier._

_she tried her hardest not to cry on the plane, but she couldn't hold it in. she kept her hoodie up and wore large aviator sunglasses to hide her tears._

_she dragged her feet as she exited the plane, and kept her head down as she walked through the airport._

_when she got in her uber she thought about texting cheryl to let her know she landed, and that made her cry even more._

_when the uber pulled to a stop in front of her building she almost didn't want to get out. she was not in the mood to see anybody,_ **_especially_ **_maya._

_however, she raspily thanked her driver and climbed out of the car, once again dragging her feet and keeping her head down as she made her way inside the building and up to her floor._

_she balled her fists and breathed heavily when she heard loud music coming from her dorm, meaning maya was there. with a huff, she unlocked her door and walked inside._

_maya was sweeping, but immediately snapped her head around when she heard their door slam shut. she took her phone out of her pocket and paused the music._

_"toni? what are you doing back?" she asked as she leaned her broom against the counter and walked over to stand in front of toni._

_toni just shook her head with a scoff and brushed past maya's shoulder, causing the girl to stumble back._

_"toni wait," maya chased after her and grabbed her elbow to force her to turn around._

_"what!?" toni snapped as she yanked her arm out of maya's grip. more tears started to fall and she sniffed them back._

_"what happened? something with cheryl?" maya asked, concern written all over her face._

_"yeah, we broke up. i bet you're elated about that huh?" toni scoffed as she went to walk away again._

_"i- i'm not-"_

_"you know this is all your fault!" toni snapped again. "you knew i had a fucking girlfriend but you kissed me anyway. you're fucking pathetic. and now i just lost the best thing that has ever happened to me!"_

_toni knew it wasn't all maya's fault. she was just one factor in their many problems. but toni was angry and maya was there so she lashed out on her._

_"toni, i'm sorry. what can i do? how can i help?"_

_"you wanna know how you can help? never! talk! to me! again! we are not friends! we are not cool! unless we're at work and you're telling me someone's order, you will never speak to me again!" and toni turned on her heels and walked straight into her room, slamming her door hard behind her._

_she tore her duffle bag off her shoulders and used all her force to throw it against the wall. the wall that had a huge collage of pictures of cheryl hanging on it._

_her face scrunched up as she broke down again. she hopped onto her bed and started ripping every picture with cheryl in it off the wall and onto the floor. even some pictures that cheryl wasn't even in were ripped off, but her vision was blurry and she was angry, so she just kept ripping._

_when the wall was almost bare she punched the wall with her fist, not hard enough to hurt her or damage the wall, and she jumped off the bed. the bed she and cheryl have shared so much._

_as she cried angrily, she dug her fists into the comforter and started ripping the sheets off the bed, until she collapsed against the closet door and just cried into her hands._

_she had no idea how long she had been sitting on the floor but when her sobs were reduced to sniffles she stood from the floor and opened the closet door. she grabbed her two large suitcases and shoved all her clothes and shoes into them. she opened her drawers under her bed and threw the reminder of her clothes in whatever space was left in her suitcase and the rest in her duffle bag. then, she grabbed her backpack off the desk chair and shoved her laptop, notebooks and textbooks into it._

_once her room was sloppily packed up, except for the photos and bed sheets on the floor, that she would return to get at a later time, she exited her room and walked into the bathroom. she shoved all of her belongings into her duffle bag and headed for the front door. she dropped all of her stuff by the door and grabbed a sticky notepad that sat on the counter. she grabbed a pen out of the drawer and sloppily wrote 'I'M MOVING OUT' on it and slammed it to the back of the door._

_she slid her arms in her backpack, flung her duffle bag over her shoulder, grabbed her suitcases and left the dorm._

_she waited for another uber outside, not even caring about all the money she's wasting. when her driver arrived she threw her stuff in the trunk and climbed into the back seat and told him the address._

_after a 12 minute drive, toni arrived at her destination. she retrieved her stuff from the trunk and lugged it all up the staircase and stopped in front of a door. she knocked and waited a few moments._

_as soon as the door was opened and she saw chase, more tears flowed down her cheeks._

_"hey, can i stay here for a little while?" her voice sounded so small and broken._

_"yeah... yeah, sure," chase grabbed toni's suitcases and carried them inside his apartment. and the second the door closed behind toni she crashed into him and cried into his chest._

_"hey, what's wrong?" chase asked as he wrapped his arms around toni's shoulders._

_"ch-cheryl and i b-broke up." she said between her sobs. and when chase just held her tighter she cried even harder._

_..._

_needless to say, this was cheryl's worst birthday ever. she felt even worse than the first birthday she shared without jason._

_she just lost the love of her life. her everything. her forever and always was no more._

_when josie and veronica came to her rescue, they just held her as she cried. and she cried and cried for hours. she ended up throwing up in the bathroom from how much she cried. and veronica and josie just held her hair back and rubbed their hands up and down her back._

_they didn't tell her it was okay, or that it was going to be okay, because they knew that cheryl didn't want to hear that at the moment._

_they forced cheryl to drink some water and asked her what she wanted to do. she said she just wanted to go to sleep, but when they walked her out of the kitchen and back towards her room cheryl broke down again, barely able to get out how she couldn't go in there because there was too much history in that room._

_so that night, the three girls cuddled in veronica's bed, and her best friends held her as she cried herself to sleep._

_the next day cheryl didn't leave veronica's bed all day, except to use the bathroom. she slept in until 12:30 in the afternoon which is very unusual for cheryl. she cried a lot, and when she wasn't crying she would just stare blankly at the wall. veronica and josie tried to get her to eat but she would weakly reply-_

_"i'm not hungry."_

_veronica and josie were so worried about cheryl. especially veronica, having witnessed how hard she took her brother's death and the decision she almost made._

_"it's different this time ronnie. she sad and it's normal to feel this way after a tough breakup, but she's not alone this time. she has us," josie told veronica and that helped her relax._

_the next morning, cheryl actually got out of bed and ate the breakfast veronica and josie prepared._

_"are you feeling a little better today?" josie asked as gently and as cautiously as possible._

_"i still love her josie," cheryl whispered, voice horse from the crying and lack of use._

_"i know honey. and i'm not going to tell you it's gonna be okay. i mean, it will be eventually. but right now it's okay to feel sad. and it's okay to cry. and just know that ronnie and i are here for you. you're not alone, cheryl."_

_and those words, '_ ** _you're not alone, cheryl'_** _, made cheryl break down again. and josie and veronica just wrapped their arms around her_.

_later that night, cheryl walked into her bedroom, fresh tears starting to spring to her eyes. she leaned against her closed bedroom door and looked around her room. her eyes landed on the collage of photos that hung over her bed._

_as her tears rolled silently down her face she walked over to her bed and slowly and neatly took the photos off the wall, stacking them on her desk. she walked into her closet and grabbed her shoe box that belonged to a pair of her knee high boots and she placed the photos inside. she went around the room collecting little trinkets that belonged to toni, such as bracelets, earrings, etc. she walked back into her closet and grabbed toni's favorite purple flannel. she folded it up nicely and neatly and placed it into the box._

_she opened the drawer of her desk and pulled out a black velvet box. she opened it and stared down at the promise ring. she sniffled as another tear escaped her eye._

**_forever and always_ **

_cheryl let out a sob as she closed the box and put it back in the drawer. she put the top on the shoe box and carried it to the living room where her roommates sat on the couch._

_"hey, how are you doing?" josie asked softly._

_"i'm not sure yet. but, can you guys make sure toni receives this?" she said airily as she set the box down on the coffee table._

_the two of them didn't have to look inside to know what it was._

_"of course cher," veronica replied with a soft smile_

_cheryl nodded and went back into her room. she laid on her bed, in silence, in the dark, silent tears flowing out of her eyes and down the side of her face into her hair. she just laid there, staring at the ceiling until the exhaustion finally took over her._

...

after leaving the whyte wyrm, toni decided to cruise around the town on her bike for a bit. she always thought clearer when she was on her bike, but she also was stalling.

she had to end things with chase, but she was scared. she knew she was about to break his heart. he had been nothing but good to her. but she couldn't control her feelings so it had to be done.

she added ten more minutes to her drive before finally sucking up and going back to her grandfather's trailer.

she parked her bike in front of his trailer and nervously made her way up the wooden stairs and inside. It was quiet, aside from her grandfather's snoring, who was napping in his chair.

she walked down the hallway and into her room to find chase laying on the bed scrolling on his phone. as soon as she walked into the room his head popped up and a smile grew on his face.

"hey."

toni took a second to memorize that smile on his face, she knew it would be the last time she would see it.

"hey," she whispered back.

"are you hungry? i was thinking maybe we could take a ride on your bike and get some burgers from pops. i've really grown to love that place. I may even love it more than in-n-out."

"i don't think so chase," she rasped. his smile fell.

"okay, is everything okay?" he asked.

"no," toni leaned against the dresser that faced the foot of the bed.

"what's wrong?" chase asked as he scooted forward to sit at the foot of the bed, directly in front of toni.

"you're going to hate me."

"baby, nothing could make me hate you," he smiled as he reached for her hands.

"please don't be sweet to me right now," toni said dropping her eyes to the floor.

"okay toni, seriously, what's going on? you know you can talk to me about anything."

he was so sweet, and she was about to break his heart. she felt so guilty.

"chase, you were right," toni mumbled barely above a whisper, and chase furrowed his brows in response. "i'm still in love with cheryl."

his face fell and he dropped her hands. toni could see it in his eyes, she just broke his heart.

"God, i'm such an idiot," chase chuckled out as he stood from the bed. he turned his back to her and ran his fingers through his hair.

"you're not-"

"you know, i knew it," his voice started getting louder as he turned around to face her again. "i fucking knew it. i knew coming here was a bad idea. i knew you'd fall back in love with her. how could you do this to me!?"

"i didn't mean to, chase. i can't control my feelings."

"so everything you said to me? you have nothing to worry about, chase. you're everything to me, chase. cheryl is history, _chase!_ it was all bullshit!"

"it wasn't bullshit! i really do care about you chase!"

"and you got so mad at me for being insecure! then you go around and stab me in the back!"

"chase i-"

"so what, did you sleep with her!?"

toni gasped.

"of course not! how could you even ask me that?"

"you really can't stand here and tell me i'm wrong for thinking that right now!"

"i would _never_ cheat on you. that's not the kind of person i am! why do you think i'm telling you this now!?"

"man, whatever toni, i've been nothing but good to you! i took you in! helped you get over your breakup! fucking fell in love with you! all for you to turn around and do this to me!?" tears were flowing down his face.

"chase... i'm so sorry." tears were also streaming down her face.

there was a pause as the two just stared at each other. hurt and anger filling chase's eyed and guilt and sorrow filling toni's. he scoffed and shook his head in disbelief.

"whatever. i'm outta here," he rasped out, walking to the corner of the room to grab his half packed suitcase. toni just stood there, watching in silence as he packed up the rest of his stuff. he zipped up his full suitcase in anger and lifted it off the bed before turning to face toni.

"and when you get back to cali, to _our_ apartment," he made fingers quotes with his free hand on the word our. "don't worry, i'll be gone." and he walked past her and left the room.

toni didn't turn to watch him leave. she bit her lip as more tears fell down her face before she broke down. even though she doesn't feel for him what she used to, he was still an amazing boyfriend. he really was so good to her, and she doesn't regret her time with him.

it wasn't her fault she fell back in love with cheryl, if she ever fell out of it. but chase deserved to hear it from her now, than her stringing him along, even if it hurts right now.

before she could even think, she pulled out her phone and clicked on her most recent contact. and as soon as she heard her voice she began to cry again.

"cheryl."

" _toni? are you crying?"_

"i... i... i'm sorry i shouldn't have c-called."

" _toni, what's wrong?"_

"chase and i broke up."

" _i'm on my way."_

-

cheryl pulled her car next to toni's bike in front of toni's grandfather's trailer. she hasn't been back to sunnyside trailer park since the summer before they broke up. she almost felt a little weird being back here, but when toni called her crying a little under two hours ago, she only had one thought on her mind: getting here.

she climbed the wooden stairs and knocked on the door, waiting a few moments until it was opened by thomas topaz.

"cheryl. it's great to see you again."

"good to see you as well mr. topaz. is she okay?" cheryl asked as she stepped into the trailer.

"she's been cooped up in her room since chase left. i tried but she wouldn't let me in."

"let me see what i can do," she offered him a smile as she walked back towards the bedroom, before being stopped by his voice.

"cheryl," he called out and she turned around to face him. "i know a lot has happened between the two of you but, it fills my heart with joy that you're here for her."

"i care about her a lot, sir."

"i know," he smiled and cheryl nodded before making her way to the room.

she knocked quietly on the door before opening it and stepping inside the room. the sight before her broke her heart. toni was laying on her side, her back to her, and she could hear her sniffling.

"toni?"

the girl sniffed and raised her head up. the second she saw cheryl more tears sprang to her eyes and she stood up from the bed and crashed into her. toni wrapped her arms around cheryl's back, gripping her shirt in her fingers, and cheryl wrapped her arms around her just as tightly.

"shh shh, you're okay," cheryl said as the girl shook in her arms.

"i broke his heart cheryl. i broke his h-heart."

cheryl furrowed her brows but didn't question it. she just held toni tighter and let her cry. she held her until her crying turned into sniffles then she pulled away and rested her hands on her shoulders.

"you wanna get some air, take a walk?"

toni nodded, wiping her eyes, and followed cheryl out of the trailer.

as they walked around the southside it was quiet for awhile. cheryl didn't want to pressure toni into talking but she eventually asked-

"do you want to talk about it?"

"he was so amazing. if it wasn't for him i would've never gotten over our breakup. if it wasn't for him i would've still had to live with maya. he was so sweet, cheryl. he was such a sweetheart and i... i didn't mean to hurt him, and i hate that i did."

"what happened?"

"i figured out that i..." toni paused, not quite ready to tell cheryl that she's still in love with her yet. "i didn't feel for him what he felt for me. he fell in love with me but i couldn't reciprocate. i cared about him a lot but, it wasn't love. and i knew it was better to end it with him now than to keep stringing him along, that wouldn't be fair to him or me, but it still hurts. if you would've seen the look on his face cheryl, i broke his heart." toni bowed her head as they walked.

"i know it hurts, but you did the right thing toni. and it definitely will hurt less now than it would've if you had waited any longer. you aren't in love with him so you did what was best for you both, and one day he'll see that."

"yeah, i hope so. i still feel guilty."

"don't. there's no reason to feel guilty. you can be sad, and remorseful, but not guilty. you didn't do anything wrong."

toni looked up at cheryl, guilt still lingering deep in her eyes.

"or did you?"

toni didn't answer and there were a few minutes of awkward silence as they worked their way back towards sunnyside trailer park. the sun was starting to set, casting a pinkish orangish color over the town. it was beautiful.

"remember when we used to have sunset dates?" toni suddenly asked.

"yeah, we'd take a blanket and a basket of snacks out to sweetwater and we'd watch the sun set," cheryl laughed at the memory.

"and then we continued the tradition when you'd visit me in california and i'd visit you in new york."

"yeah and you bragged about how much better the sunsets were on the west coast."

"the sun set over the ocean, what could be better than that?"

"hey i agreed with you! and you would still gloat in my face every time we watched the sunset," cheryl nudged toni's arm with her own.

"yeah, we had some really good times," toni said and she felt the mood shift and she knew they were both thinking the same thing.

_and some bad times._

the remainder of the walk was silent and when they reached thomas' trailer they sat on the steps to finish watching the sunset. it was silent. the only sounds to be heard were the ambience of the trailer park, scattered chatter, and distant sounds of motorcycles rumbling.

"you know," toni started, breaking the silence. "i know it's been forever and we've moved on from that, but i hate how things went down between us, and i'm so sorry. i never imagined we'd ever break up, and i never imagined it would be that brutal."

"hey, it wasn't all on you. we both made mistakes. you know the saying, it takes two to tango," cheryl replied, causing toni to smile at her. they stared at each other for a few seconds before cheryl turned to look back at the sunset. but, toni's eyes stayed locked on her profile. the orange and pink hues casting on her face made her look gorgeous.

_she's always gorgeous._

"hey cheryl?" toni asked and cheryl turned to look back at her with a hum. "have you ever wondered what would have happened if we had never broken up?"

"oh, i don't know," cheryl sighed as she looked down at her feet and curled a piece of hair behind her ear.

"come on, humor me," toni nudged cheryl's arm as she leaned back on her hands.

"well, that promise ring would still be on your finger, maybe even replaced with an engagement ring."

"you think?"

"yeah, before things with us went to shit, i definitely saw myself marrying you."

"saw." toni stated, more to herself, but out loud. she couldn't help the little twinge of disappointment at the past tense.

"what about you?"

"hmm... if you had asked me to marry you... i might've said yes."

"ha! might've? please, toni topaz, i was a catch, you would've been so lucky," cheryl joked.

"no, _you_ would've been so lucky. if i do recall you were the one who gave me a promise ring. you were trying to secure all of this," toni joked back.

"whatever topaz!" and they both fell into a fit of laughter, bumping into each other's shoulders as they did.

the laughter died down and once again they were staring at each other. toni gazed deep into those brown eyes, mesmerized like she used to be years ago. they hadn't even noticed the sun was gone and the last remaining daylight was starting to fade away.

toni's eyes fell to cheryl's lips, and suddenly she realized how close they were sitting. like a magnet was pulling her, toni started to lean in and she could've swore cheryl was leaning in too.

her forehead bumped against cheryl's and she closed her eyes. she parted her lips in preparation to feel those lips she hasn't felt in over two years.

"toni."

she heard her name but it wasn't pleasant. it sounded like a warning. then she heard cheryl's breath hitch and felt her backed away.

alarms were going off in toni's head at what she had almost done.

"oh my God. oh my God. i'm- i'm sorry. i'm so sorry," toni panicked and she stood up and walked down the staircase.

"toni-"

"i'm sorry, cheryl. i shouldn't have done that. you- you have a girlfriend. oh my God, you have a girlfriend. i am such an idiot," toni rambled as she ran her fingers through her hair, panically.

"toni it's okay. you just broke up with chase and you are vulnerable. it's okay."

" _ugh_ , no it's not okay, i'm not-" toni stopped herself and turned to look back at cheryl, who was looking at her with such soft eyes. eyes that she is so in love with.

"cheryl i- i need to tell you something," toni said as she leaned her hand against the railing of the steps.

"what is it toni?"

toni took a minute, using this time to stare into cheryl's eyes as she gathered her thoughts. she was about to tell cheryl she loved her. she was gonna do it, and she was terrified. her heart was pounding in her chest and she had no idea how cheryl was going to react.

"cheryl... i... i'm still-"

but she was interrupted by the sound of cheryl's cellphone ringing.

"i'm sorry let me just-" cheryl went to cancel the call until she saw the name. "oh, it's destiny."

toni released a sigh as cheryl answered the phone.

_just my fucking luck._

"hello... i'm uh, i'm with toni... no, we're just hanging out," cheryl mouthed sorry before standing up from the stairs and walking a few steps away.

toni stood there, staring at the back of cheryl's head, and it dawned on her that she was currently talking to her girlfriend. her _girlfriend_.

toni scratched her head as she silently made her way up the steps. what the hell was she thinking? she almost kissed a girl who was taken, after just telling chase she's not that kind of person.

_i can't tell her._

when cheryl got off the phone she turned around in hopes of finishing her conversation with toni, but just as she turned around she heard the front door of the trailer close and toni was gone.

she stood there, completely confused but figured toni just needed to be alone so she hopped in her car and headed back to new york.


	12. this changes everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback: toni and cheryl get closer to chase and destiny... really close.
> 
> present: toni gets an email that changes everything.
> 
> enjoy!

_four weeks later._

_..._

_toni has been doing okay since the breakup. just okay. the first week, chase, who had been crashing on the couch, could hardly get toni out of bed, except for class. but as soon as class was over she came straight back to the apartment and climbed under the covers for the remainder of the day._

_the second week, toni got a little better. she actually got out of bed for the majority of the day. she went back to work after informing her boss she needed a mental health week. she still had to deal with seeing maya, but luckily she took her ‘_ **_never speak to me again’_ ** _threat seriously. she thought she was slowly reaching the light at the end of the breakup tunnel. that is, until she received a box from chase, who informed her he got it from maya, because it was sent to her dorm. it was from cheryl and when she opened it and saw all of her stuff that cheryl had, she broke down again._

_the third week was the first full week toni went without crying. and that's all thanks to chase. he did everything in his power to distract her. forced her back out with the photography club. took her out to lunch and dinner and to the movies. he even studied with her so she wouldn't have to be alone with her thoughts. he really became her rock._

_and now at the four week point, it was a wednesday but the last day of classes for toni seeing as she just walked out of her last final, a bright smile on her face, celebrating the fact that she knows that she aced it._

_she took out her phone and clicked on her instagram app, preparing to take an insta story of how well she did in her last final, when she froze. at the top of her feed was a group picture posted by veronica of veronica, josie, cheryl... and destiny. it was captioned 'post finals celebration!' and they all had their arms wrapped around each other._

_cheryl had the brightest smile on her face. she looked genuinely happy. that normally would've made toni feel so good, that cheryl was happy. but the fact that she's no longer the one making her happy made her feel a small pang in her chest. she completely forgot all about her post final joy and dragged her feet back to chase's apartment._

_toni was doing so well. making progress in getting through the break up. she had gone a full week without crying. but seeing that picture of cheryl sent her back about 5 steps. she forced herself not to cry, and when a tear tried to escape she quickly wiped it away._

_when toni entered chase's apartment she was hoping he'd be there because she needed some cheering up. and when the loud smell hit her nose and she noticed the door to the balcony open she knew he was home. which was perfect because a blunt was exactly what she needed right now._

_she dropped her backpack on the couch and walked to the backing door but froze in her tracks at the sight before her._

_chase's knees were pulled up to his chest, his arms wrapped around his shins, the little blunt resting between his fingers, and his head resting on his knees, hiding his face. his shoulders were shaking and she heard him sniffling._

_"oh my God, chase," toni gasped as she immediately dropped down next to him. she took the rolled paper out of his fingers and stubbed it out in the ashtray. "what's wrong?" she asked as she rubbed her hand up and down his back._

_chase raised his head up and wiped his entire face with his hands._

_"she broke up with me. my girlfriend. she broke up with me."_

_"why? what happened?"_

_"i told her you were living with me," chase rasped as he turned to look at her. his eyes were bloodshot. and toni felt tears welling in her own eyes at the sight. she has never seen chase cry before._

_"chase i'm- i'm so sorry. this is all my fault," toni said, the guilt filling her up._

_"don’t... we were heading in that direction for a long time. this was just the final nail in the coffin. it's not your fault toni."_

_"still, i'm sorry."_

_"it's just... i thought everything was fine. but she was pulling away from me and there was nothing i could do to stop it."_

_"i know the feeling."_

_"i hate her. i fucking hate her... no i don't, i love her but i just..." and he started to cry again so toni pulled him into a hug. he dropped his head on her shoulder and she held him as he cried. she rubbed her hand up and down his back as she repeated 'just let it out'._

_chase had been there for toni these last few weeks and now it was her turn to be there for him._

_"i know it hurts right now, chase. trust me, i was where you are a month ago. but it's going to get better. i know you may not want to hear that right now but it will get better. and i'm here for you. i'm right here, just like you were for me. we can help each other."_

_chase suddenly pulled away and looked at toni with a look she couldn't describe but a look she's never seen before. a look that suddenly made her heart beat faster and a nervous feeling flutter in her stomach._

_chase's eyes dropped down to her lips before raising back up to her eyes. toni's breath hitched as he started to lean in but when his lips brushed against hers she didn't back away, she actually leaned in to complete the kiss._

_the kiss only lasted a couple seconds before chase pulled away quickly with a sharp inhale._

_"i- i'm sorry i-"_

_chase cut himself off as the two just stared at each other. and in that moment they realized that they were two broken souls right now just looking for..._ **_something_ ** _._

_and they leaned back in, the kiss much harder. all of their emotions, sadness, anger, frustration, just pouring into the kiss. they breathed heavily, as toni brought a hand up to cup his neck, while her other hand slid around his back and gripped his t-shirt._

_chase placed his hands on her waist and not long after, he pulled her onto his lap, their lips never tearing apart. she ripped his shirt off and before she knew it she was being lifted into the air and then they were back inside the apartment._

_..._

_the next morning toni woke up naked and in bed alone. the realization of what happened last night dawning on her._

_she sat up wrapping the bedsheet tighter around her body just as the bedroom door was opened. chase walked in, wearing grey sweatpants, no shirt, and his hair pulled up into a high bun. toni has never looked at chase in a romantic way before now, but she was realizing how attractive the man was, seeing it for the first time._

_"good morning," chase said as he handed her a mug of coffee._

_"morning. thanks," she rasped, accepting the mug and taking a sip of the hot coffee, as chase sat down on the edge of the bed._

_"so... last night..." he trailed off._

_"i guess we should probably talk about that, huh?"_

_"look i... i don't regret it but if you wanna forget about it then we can."_

_"i don't, i mean... i don't regret it either. it was definitely unexpected but i don't want to forget about it."_

_"you don't?" he asked and toni shook her head._

_"no. chase you have been my rock these last few weeks. you are incredibly sweet-"_

_"is this your way of saying you like me?" he chuckled._

_"i don't know. lets give the post sex some time to wear off," toni laughed. "but for now it's a maybe."_

_"look toni. i know we were both really vulnerable last night. we're both dealing with break ups. but i do like you. maybe i should wait until the post sex wears off too," he laughed causing toni to laugh again. "but i like... just broke up with my girlfriend yesterday and i don't want you to be a rebound. you don't deserve that."_

_"you know you'd technically be my rebound too right?" toni joked, and they laughed again_

_"yeah... but i'm serious though."_

_"okay, then let's agree on this. let's give each other a month to truly get through our breakups, as friends. no kissing, no sex, and if after a month we're still feeling the vibe then let's go from there."_

_"that sounds like an excellent plan."_

_"great," toni smiled and they sealed their promise with a high five. "now can you get out so i can get dressed."_

_..._

_cheryl was doing okay since the breakup. just okay. the first weekend veronica and josie could barely get cheryl to eat, let alone get her out of bed. and after packing up toni's things she cried herself to sleep._

_that first week she still cried herself to sleep every night. she only came out of her room to eat and go to class. but she didn't socialize with her roommates like she used to._

_the second week was a little better. cheryl started talking to her roommates. but they were walking on eggshells around her, hesitant to ask her if she was okay in case it set her off again. which it had three times that week._

_the third week was better. not one hundred percent, but better. cheryl stopped stalking toni's instagram which helped tremendously in the not crying department. she watched movies with her roommates and when they asked if she was okay, she answered 'i will be' without crying. and she would genuinely smile, the first time since the breakup that she has._

_and she was now in the fourth week. cheryl was finally finished with her finals and was more than ready to enjoy three months off._

_she was sitting on the couch with josie, watching a movie, waiting for veronica to get home so they could order some food. but when the door opened and veronica walked through she slammed the door shut and kicked it with her heel._

_"fuck!" veronica huffed as she kicked the door again._

_"what's wrong?" josie asked._

_"reggie. fucking reggie. he told me he's not coming home for the summer because he and his teammates are doing a summer road trip. so i just dumped his selfish ass," veronica huffed as she walked into the living room and flopped down on the couch with a frustrated huff._

_she was definitely taking her breakup way differently than cheryl was. cheryl was sad but veronica was angry._

_“well, join the lonely hearts club. at least we can sulk together.” cheryl sighed as she and veronica crossed their arms and sunk into the couch at the same time._

_“oh hell no.” josie shook her head as she stood up from the couch. “i am not about to sit here and let you two sulk anymore. so get your asses up. it’s the first night of summer vacay and we’re going out.”_

_“josie-” cheryl started but was cut off._

_“don’t josie me. let’s go. get up,” josie commanded as she clapped her hands. “and dress hot.”_

_so an hour later the three of them found themselves walking into a party, dressed to impress, arms looped together. it was a party hosted by some on campus fraternity celebrating the end of the semester, and it was packed._

_“okay, drinks first and then we dance.” josie instructed as she led them both to the kitchen of the apartment they were in._

_and that’s what they did. they each filled up on their own personal creations before hitting the dance floor. and they danced for a long time._

_this was the first time since the breakup that cheryl has felt free. the first time that she has felt genuinely happy. she danced and danced and didn’t think about toni or her heartbreak or finals or anything. all she could think about was how in this moment she was having fun._

_after about an hour they were hot and in dire need of refills so the locked hands and wove through the many bodies and walked back into the kitchen._

_“thank you josie,” cheryl gasped as she leaned up against the counter._

_“of course.”_

_“no seriously. thank you so much. this is the most fun i’ve had in weeks, months actually. if it wasn’t for you i would still be at home sulking. but now... now i really feel like i’m okay. like, really okay.”_

_“ditto josie.” veronica agreed._

_“you two are very welcome. all you needed was a little dance therapy,” josie smirked as the three of them clinked their red solo cups together._

_just as cheryl took a sip she noticed destiny and dalton walking through the front door, and they made eye contact. destiny smiled and waved and cheryl waved back as destiny made her way towards the kitchen._

_“hey cheryl, didn’t expect to see you here,” destiny greeted as she stopped in front of cheryl._

_“didn’t expect to be here.”_

_“well i’m glad you are. i haven’t seen you in a while, except for class. how are you?”_

_“i’m okay, the most okay i’ve been in a while actually.”_

_“what happened?”_

_cheryl took a breath. she had finally been able to not think about toni and now destiny was asking again. but cheryl didn’t have the urge to cry so that must mean she really made progress tonight._

_“toni and i broke up about a month ago.”_

_“oh, i... i’m so sorry, i had no idea.”_

_“it’s okay really. i think i’m finally starting to feel better.”_

_“i’m glad,” destiny smiled._

_“what’s up girls? are we dancing or what?” dalton said as he already started swaying his body in the kitchen and the four girls agreed and followed him to the makeshift dance floor._

_and they danced again for almost another hour until they decided to hydrate again, this time on water._

_“it’s hot, i think i’m gonna step outside to get some air,” destiny said as she patted her forehead with a napkin._

_“hey, mind if i join you? it is really stuffy in here.” cheryl asked as she fanned herself with her hand._

_destiny nodded and the two made their way through the crowd towards the balcony. there were only a few people out there, but it felt so much cooler than inside the apartment._

_“wow, it feels so much better out here.” cheryl gasped as she leaned back against the railing._

_“tell me about it.”_

_there was a beat of silence as they both took sips from their bottles of water._

_“so, how’d your finals go?” destiny asked._

_“no offense but it’s the first day of summer vacation, i’d rather think about anything other than school.” cheryl chuckled._

_“okay that’s fair. what about this summer? any plans?”_

_“just... plan to live my best life,” cheryl said with a smug smile, shaking her head, allowing her hair to flow back behind her._

_destiny took a moment to just look at her._

_“happy looks good on you,” destiny stated._

_“really?” cheryl asked as she turned to look at destiny who leaned against the railing next to her._

_“yeah. i’m glad you’re happy. you look a lot better than you have in class. i- not saying you looked bad you never look bad- i mean i- not trying to say your hot i mean you are- fuck i’m gonna stop talking now,” destiny rambled and cheryl just laughed in response._

_“destiny, it’s okay. you can never get tired of being told you’re hot.” cheryl smiled at her and destiny smiled back, a beat passed as they just stared at each other._

_“cheryl, i-” destiny cut herself off as her eyes dropped down to her lips._

_without thinking, destiny cupped cheryl’s cheek and surged forward, capturing cheryl’s lips in a firm kiss._

_cheryl’s eyes widened in surprise before she shut them tightly, not pulling away._

_destiny pulled back a hair before leaning back in, capturing cheryl’s bottom lip between her own. she held their lips together for a couple seconds before it hit her what she just did. she pulled away with a gasp._

_“oh my God. oh my God. what did i do? cheryl i- i’m so sorry.”_

_“destiny it’s okay-”_

_“no,” destiny cut her off before she could finish her sentence. “it’s not okay, i shouldn’t have done that. you just broke up with your girl- i- i should probably just go,” destiny made a move to walk away._

_“destiny wait,” cheryl grabbed destiny’s arm before she could get too far away and pulled her body into her._

_destiny yelped in surprise when she felt cheryl’s lips in hers again. she closed her eyes and her eyebrows tilted down as cheryl moved her lips against hers._

_cheryl wrapped her arms around destiny’s lower back as destiny cupped her cheeks and their kiss deepened._

_..._

_cheryl’s bedroom door slammed open and cheryl and destiny stumbled in, already in the midst of a heated make out. dresses were stripped from their bodies and cheryl pushed destiny down on her bed, crawling on top of her instantly._

_..._

_the next morning cheryl woke up, naked, to the feeling of a body pressed into her chest. her eyes opened and she was looking at a head of blonde hair. it suddenly dawned on her what happened last night._

_cheryl gently sat up and the movement caused the other woman to groan and stir awake. she turned around to face cheryl, tugging the sheets against her bare chest._

_“hi,” destiny rasped out._

_“hi,” cheryl giggled._

_destiny wanted to lean up and kiss her but she refrained._

_“so,”_

_“cheryl you really don’t have to say it,” destiny interrupted as she sat up._

_“how do you know what i’m about to say?”_

_“we had sex last night. and while it was great, it was a heat of the moment thing. i know you just broke up with your girlfriend and that’s okay. but cheryl, i have been crushing on you since freshman year. i don’t want to be a rebound.”_

_“i know and you’re- you’re not. and i don’t regret what we did but...”_

_“but you’re not ready and that’s okay,” destiny smiled as she stood from the bed to find her scattered clothes, and redressed herself and cheryl just watched her in silence as she did so._

_“it’s been two years cheryl, my crush isn’t going anywhere so uh... call me when you’re ready,” destiny said as she made her way to her bedroom door, she turned around to give her one last smile before exiting the room._

_cheryl fell back down onto her bed. she stared up at her ceiling for all of five seconds before turning over and grabbing her phone off the nightstand. she clicked and tapped away on her phone screen before putting it up to her ear. it rang twice before she heard a ‘hello?’_

_"i'm not sure if i'm ready but..." cheryl said into the phone and she waited ten seconds before her bedroom door was opened and destiny stood there with her phone up to her ear._

_"but?"_

_"what if i want to try?"_

_destiny hung up her phone and they smiled at each other. she walked back into the room and shut the door behind her._

...

the door to the trailer shut and toni leaned her back against it with a sigh. she tilted her head back against it with a dull thud.

she was _this_ close to telling cheryl she was still in love with her, after almost kissing her. what the hell was she thinking?

“penny for your thoughts?” toni’s grandpa asked from where he sat in his chair.

“i don’t wanna talk about it,” toni sighed as she pushed herself off the door and made her way towards her room, but was stopped by her grandpa’s voice.

“toni, come talk to an old man.”

toni bowed her head as she made her way to the living room and plopped down on the couch. she dropped her elbow on the arm rest and and sat her chin on her palm.

“what’s going on with you? i know you and chase just broke up, but i’m worried about you. how are you feeling?”

“you wanna know how i’m really feeling?”

“i asked, didn't i?”

toni took her arm off the arm rest and rested her forearms on her knees, leaning forward slightly.

“i broke up with chase because i’m still in love with cheryl. and just before i walked in here we almost kissed and i almost told her how i felt but was interrupted by her girlfriend calling.”

“wow. you’re in quite the pickle.”

“what am i supposed to do? i can’t just tell her.”

“sure you can,” he responded as if it were the simplest thing.

“she has a girlfriend grandpa. she’s moved on. she only likes me as a friend now.”

“how do you know? did she tell you that?”

“well no but... she didn’t have to. we’re just friends and i know that’s all she wants to be.” toni whined as she leaned back against the couch.

“it’s not often a _friend_ drops everything immediately and drives almost two hours to comfort someone.”

toni was silent, her mouth opening and closing but she had no response to give.

“look, you want my advice, kid. life’s too short to not go after what you really want in life. if you love her? then tell her you love her. so what if she has a girlfriend, don’t you think she deserves to know?”

“it... it’s not that simple grandpa. i could just walk up to her and tell her but what if she doesn’t feel the same way? then i lose her as a friend. i’d rather bury my feelings deep inside forever than to lose her altogether.”

“if that’s what you want to do, then who am i to tell you how to live your life? but the toni i know... always follows her heart, and goes after what she wants. i mean, you traveled across the country to get a degree from your dream school. don’t give up another dream without even trying first,” and with that thomas stood from his chair with a grunt and walked in the direction of his bedroom. “you think on that, kid. i’m going to bed. goodnight.”

“goodnight grandpa.”

toni sank back into the couch as she pondered his words. she really didn’t know what to do. on the one hand she wanted to run up to cheryl and confess her love, have a cliche movie moment where cheryl yells to the heavens that she loves her too and then having a romantic kiss in the rain. but on the other hand she was terrified. terrified that cheryl wouldn’t reciprocate and she would lose her as a friend in the process.

thomas was right though. toni was always a person that would do whatever it takes to get what she wants. but after two weeks of yelling chase at for being insecure and telling him she’d never cheat on him, she didn’t want to be a home wrecker for someone else’s relationship.

_fuck!_

the two halves of toni’s brain and heart were torn and it was exhausting. she just wanted to stop thinking for the day so she stood from the couch, turned the tv off, and headed for her bedroom. 

just as she opened the door her phone dinged in her back pocket and she took it out to see an email notification. she swiped it open and read the first couple of lines. she gasped and covered her mouth as her eyes went wide.

_well shit._

_this changes everything._

-

30 minted later toni found herself parking her bike at pops. she walked inside, the door bell chiming as she did, and seeing as it was only a little after 11 o'clock there were still a few customers inside the 24 hour diner.

she looked around until she spotted sweet pea and fangs sitting in a booth near the back and by a window. she walked over to them and plopped down next to fangs, sweet pea sitting on the other side.

"so what's this super important thing you have to tell us that couldn't wait until tomorrow?" sweet pea huffed as he took a sip of his milkshake.

"okay well, i really needed to talk to you because my grandpa is asleep and you two are my best friends."

"what's up?" fangs asked.

"so about thirty minutes ago i just got a job offer to be a photographer for a magazine company in new york. i originally didn't get it but the person they hired apparently dropped out and now they're offering me the job."

"oh my God that's- wait... you applied for a job in new york!?" sweet pea exclaimed.

"i applied all over the country, even here at the register. the job back in la was easier to take because i already live there and i'd be working with my boy- i mean ex boyfriend."

"holy shit you and chase broke up? are you okay?" fangs asked, a worried expression on his face.

"i wasn't at first but i think i will be. i called cheryl and she came down and helped cheer me up."

"wow i'm almost offended that you called your ex girlfriend instead of your current best friends." sweet pea scoffed.

"don't take it personal, pea. she _is_ in love with her after all. speaking of, did you tell her?"

"well i was about to, but then she got a call from her girlfriend and all i could think about was how i just couldn't tell her. she's moved on and she's happy and we're finally friends again, i didn't want to risk losing that. plus i was going back across the country anyway-"

"but now you could be staying," sweet pea interrupted.

"so what are you gonna do? keep the job in la or take the one in new york?"

"i don't know. i think... i think i'm gonna talk to cheryl. i think... i'm gonna tell her how i really feel."

"holy shit, for real? you're really gonna do it?" fangs asked, his eyebrows raised in shock and excitement.

"i think i am. and if she doesn't feel the same way it'll be easy to go back to california. but if she does..."

"wait, so you're really going to let cheryl decide your future. has she even shown any signs that she might possibly feel the same?" sweet pea asked.

"it doesn't matter sweet pea. my grandpa was right. life is too short to not go after what i really want. and i can't give up without even trying first."

"well, i fully support you, tiny." fangs said, giving sweet pea and pointed look.

"you know i support you too. i just want you to _fully_ think this through. at least sleep on it."

"okay, i'll sleep on it but my mind is made up, sweets."

"and you know when toni's mind is made up there's no changing it," fangs chuckled just as a waiter came up to their table to take their food orders.

-

after a full night's sleep toni’s mind didn't change. if anything she only convinced herself to do it more.

at one point toni was cheryl's everything and vice versa. and more than that they were each other's first loves. and toni was cheryl's first everything else. she was her first girlfriend. the first person to love cheryl for cheryl. the first person who showed cheryl the love she deserved to have. that's got to count for something right?

sure she may have messed it up, but if toni became so lucky to get a second chance, she was not going to mess it up. she was willing to move across the country for cheryl. and she refused to think about the other possible outcome. she was going to remain positive.

and riding on her bike helped. she zoomed down the highway, taking her grandpa's advice, chasing after something she wants. and she always felt her best during and after riding her bike.

she reached the city and before she knew she was pulling to a stop at cheryl's apartment. she took her helmet off and shook her fingers through her hair. she unmounted her bike and set her helmet on the handle bars before turning to look up at cheryl's apartment building.

she smiled. she was determined. she was positive. hopeful. she was gonna do this. she reached her front door and knocked, no turning back now.

toni expected veronica or josie to open the door, but was actually surprised when it was cheryl who opened the door.

“oh, hey toni. what are you doing here?” cheryl asked, a shocked expression on her face, as she stood in the doorway.

“i uh... i came to see you actually. are you roommates home?”

“uhh... no but...” cheryl trailed off, turning to look back into the apartment.

“destiny is in there?” toni asked, but it was more like a statement and cheryl didn’t nod or verbally respond but the look on her face was all the answer toni needed.

but toni didn’t care. she was a woman on a mission.

“no matter, can i talk to you for a second? even if it’s just here in the doorway?”

“sure, what’s going on? is everything okay?” cheryl asked, true concern written on her face.

“so here’s the thing. i lied to you before.”

“lied? what do you mean?” cheryl tilted her head in question.

“i didn’t just break up with chase because i’m not i’m love with him. i...” toni took a deep breath. “i broke up with him because... i’m in love with someone else.”

toni looked deep into cheryl’s eyes and she could’ve swore she saw a flicker of something there, something she has seen before, and that gave her motivation to continue.

“i’m still in love with you cheryl. i always have been. chase was always a rebound. he was great but i never cared for him like i did for you… like i _do_ for you. and it took coming back here and spending time with you to realize that i never stopped loving you, cheryl.”

cheryl’s mouth was slightly agape at toni’s confession. she was hardly ever rendered speechless, but in this moment she really had no idea what to say.

“toni i- i-”

“and i know a lot has happened between us. but, despite everything that has happened i have always loved you. it’s always been you cheryl and it’s always gonna be you.” toni finished with a hopeful smile as cheryl still stood there silent. ten seconds went by and cheryl still hasn't said anything, and toni looked at her with pleading eyes. “please, say something.”

“toni i... why are you telling me this now? i just- i can’t-” she said as she shook her head.

“cheryl, i know you have to feel something for me. i can see it in your eyes. i know you better than anyone else.”

“toni i can’t- i... i’ve moved on, i have a girlfriend. i can’t-”

“you can’t or you don’t?” toni interrupted and once again cheryl was speechless. toni took a baby step forward and took in the fact that cheryl didn’t back away.

“cheryl, look me in my eye and tell me you don’t love me. tell you feel nothing for me and that you are one hundred percent happy with destiny and i’ll walk away right now.”

again it was silent. their eyes were locked but cheryl didn’t say anything. and if the hesitation wasn’t clear enough, toni could see something deep in her eyes. just as cheryl opened her mouth she was cut off by the sound of her name being called.

“cher, everything okay?” toni heard destiny’s voice from inside the apartment.

cheryl turned around to look at her before turning to look at toni.

“toni i... i don’t love you.” cheryl voice was quiet and timid.

toni stared deep into her eyes. toni knows cheryl. even after spending two years apart she still _knows_ her.

but, it hurt to hear that. even after being broken up for so long she has never heard cheryl say she doesn’t love her.

so she accepted that answer.

“goodbye cheryl.”

toni backed away and dropped her eyes to the floor as she walked away from cheryl. from the love of her life. again. she didn’t turn to look back at her. she just kept walking away, putting more and more distance between them. distance that she was afraid would happen if she confessed her love. she felt so hopeful but now she just feels defeated. not only did cheryl not reciprocate but now she has probably lost her as a friend forever. as she descended the staircase it felt like she was walking in slow motion and a tear escaped her eye.

_california it is._


	13. she didn't know then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback: cheryl and toni both go home for Christmas with their new significant others. (p.s. this is the last flashback)
> 
> present: cheryl’s thinking.
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> also shout out to maria for helping me with this chapter

_7 months later_

_toni was surprised that there were clouds beneath the plane for almost the entire flight. but no matter what the view was, looking out of the plane window always seemed to calm toni's nerves, almost as much as riding her bike, which she really needed right now as she was flying home for Christmas. especially since she wasn't alone._

_"you okay?" chase's voice brought her out of her daze. she turned to look at him and smiled._

_"yeah."_

_when toni's grandfather called a month ago asking if she was coming home for Christmas, seeing as she didn't go home for the summer or for thanksgiving, she just didn't have the heart to tell him no._

_and when she agreed she knew she wanted to take chase with her. she wanted her grandfather to meet the person she had been dating for the past five months. the person who was making her happy after being so down for so long._

_chase of course was hesitant about it for more reasons than one._

_"what if he hates me?" he had asked._

_"he doesn't even know you yet. plus all he's gonna care about is that i'm happy, and you're the one making me happy."_

_and he was nervous for another reason. the main reason._

_"what if we run into..."_

_"cheryl? i highly doubt she will return to riverdale for Christmas. she wants nothing to do with her family."_

_so he had agreed._

_..._

_when they got to sunnyside trailer park toni could feel the nerves radiating off of him. he was looking out of the window of their rental car. as they passed the homes, many of the serpents were out, sporting their jackets, which toni was wearing as well._

_"wow, so it's like a real gang," chase muttered._

_"yeah babe."_

_"wow," he said in wonder._

_the interaction with her grandpa was a little awkward. thomas had a hard expression on his face as he stared him up and down, but he eventually extended his hand and gave him a firm shake, while threatening to never hurt his granddaughter or he's coming for him. a threat chase took very seriously._

_after they got settled in they drove to pops to meet sweet pea and fangs. they walked into the infamous diner, the bell singing above them and they scanned the restaurant for the two boys._

_toni spotted them in a booth to the far left and as they walked towards the booth that's when she saw her._

_..._

_"cheryl, i don't know about this." destiny said as she sat on cheryl's bed, watching her pack a suitcase._

_"des, it's gonna be fine."_

_"but you're going to riverdale for Christmas break. what if you see... you know who?"_

_"toni? unlikely. i heard she didn't go home for the summer or thanksgiving. and besides_ **_i'm_ ** _not going to riverdale,_ **_we_ ** _are."_

_"we are?"_

_"well i would like to spend our first Christmas together, you know,_ **_together._ ** _and it's only a thirty minute drive to greendale so you can still see your family as well. you do want to spend Christmas together, right?"_

_"of course i do, cheryl."_

_"swell." cheryl smiled down at the girl._

_..._

_destiny rode with cheryl and veronica and josie, but she felt like the odd man out. they made some conversation and were nice but she felt like her friends weren't as accepting of her as she would've hoped they’d be._

_"they've just been so used to seeing me with someone else, they just need to spend more time with you, and they'll see what i see," cheryl had said as they got settled in at josie's place._

_thistlehouse was empty and available but she refused to step foot in that house. the house that used to not belong to_ **_just_ ** _her._

_that evening the four girls decided to take a trip to pops for the delicious food they haven't been able to have in awhile._

_they were half way through their meal and were enjoying a nice, laugh filled conversation. they even took the time to get to know destiny more, which cheryl greatly appreciated. cheryl saw sweet pea and fangs had walked in the diner and they gave her a nod and a wave and she waved back. they may not have been as close as they were before she went off to college but they were still family for life._

_but she was not prepared for another serpent to walk into the diner._

_as she was laughing at something josie said she heard the bell ding and saw a flash of pink hair in her peripheral vision. this caused her eyes to snap up to the entrance and that's when she saw her. the girl she hasn't since she walked out of her room and life eight months ago._

_and as toni walked towards her table they locked eyes and it was as if everything happened in slow motion. the both of them looked shocked, like a deer caught in headlights. they definitely didn't look happy to see each other, but neither girl looked angry either. the only emotion they were feeling at the moment was just pure shock._

_cheryl saw a hand slide around toni's waist and pull her closer to the body whose hand it belonged to. needless to say cheryl never expected to not only see toni but to see toni with chase._

_and toni saw an arm wrap around cheryl's shoulder and lips press into her cheek. toni was definitely not expecting to see cheryl at all, especially not with someone, and especially not destiny._

_when toni and chase passed their table it seemed like everything went back to regular speed._

_"cheryl, you good?" josie asked, her two roommates watching toni and chase walk past their table and towards sweet pea and fangs who sat three booths in front of them._

_"yeah, just... was not expecting to see her."_

_"you sure you're okay? you haven't seen her since your breakup."_

_"yeah, i’m good," she responded with a smile, before turning to look at destiny reassuringly._

_meanwhile_

_"hey toni!" fangs greeted as she walked up to the table and both he and sweet pea furrowed their brows as they noticed the man who slid into the booth with her._

_"hey guys. i'd like you to officially meet chase."_

_"so... you're the new boyfriend?" sweet pea said with a hard facial expression._

_"that would be me." he smiled awkwardly._

_the two boys took a moment to stare at him before fangs was the first one to extend his hand followed by sweet pea._

_"it's nice to meet you," fangs said politely._

_"nice to meet you both as well. toni has told me a lot about you," chase responded with a smile, which immediately fell as sweet pea leaned forward._

_"just so you know, this is our sister so if you ever hurt her we'll hurt you. you know we're in a gang."_

_"relax pea, he already got threatened by my grandpa."_

_"good," sweet pea responded and toni just rolled her eyes._

_"anyways, did you see who was here?" fangs asked._

_"i did."_

_"are you okay?" sweet pea asked._

_"was i expecting to see her? not at all. but i'm not trippin'. i'm okay."_

_"okay, just making sure, now chase..." fangs started and the four of them fell into a conversation._

_cheryl and her crew left while toni and her crew were eating and she didn't even see her leave nor did cheryl turn back to look in her direction_

_..._

_they should've known this was gonna happen. pops is not an uncommon place to pick up breakfast on a saturday morning. they should've seen this coming._

_toni stepped out of her rental car and shut the door as she tugged her serpent jacket tighter around her body. she should’ve put on a bigger coat but it’s been too long since she’s worn her skin._

_she walked towards the front door of pops, there to pick up breakfast for thomas and chase. but once she opened the door she froze in her tracks as she stared at the back of a head of long red hair, wearing a long red pea coat, standing at the counter. and this is riverdale, who else would it be._

_toni cleared her throat as she walked up to the counter and stood a few feet away from her._

_cheryl turned to look at who just appeared next to her and did a double take._

_“oh, h-hi.” cheryl mumbled awkwardly._

_“hi,” toni offered back._

_there was an awkward silence, the both of them could feel the tension in the air, until pop came up to the counter to take toni’s to-go order._

_every now and then toni would look out of the corner of her eye, or would vibrate her lips together. while cheryl would fiddle with her fingers or release a breath through her nose. they remained that way until toni finally broke the silence._

_“so, destiny huh?”_

_“heh, yeah... yeah.” cheryl laughed awkwardly. “and you and chase?”_

_“oh, yeah... yep.” toni laughed just as awkwardly, scratching the back of her neck._

_it was silent again for awhile until cheryl broke it this time._

_“how’s california?”_

_“uh, it’s uh good. it’s good. warm. ya know...” toni forced out and cheryl nodded in response. “and how’s new york?”_

_“oh it’s wonderful... yeah.”_

_and then it was silent again. cheryl and toni used to be able to talk for hours, and now they could barely form a sentence. toni breathed out of her mouth again, vibrating her lips together before breaking the silence once more._

_“are you happy?”_

_“huh?” cheryl responded, not expecting to hear that question._

_“are you happy?” toni repeated._

_“oh, yes. i am happy.” cheryl said with the tiniest hint of smile and toni nodded in response. “are you?”_

_“yeah... yeah i am.”_

_“that’s good.”_

_“look cheryl i, i know a lot has gone down between us and i know we haven’t spoken since our breakup but, i just hope there’s no hard feelings. i’m glad you’re happy and that you have someone making you happy.”_

_“there are no hard feelings. i know we ended tragically but, i’m not angry or sad. i’m happy and i’m glad that you are happy too. i’m also glad we cleared the air because now we can... move on... properly.” cheryl finished quietly._

_“yeah... we can.” toni agreed with a tight lipped smile just as cheryl received her food._

_“goodbye toni.”_

_“goodbye cheryl.”_

_and toni didn’t watch her leave, nor did cheryl turn back to look at her. they were happy and they were moving on_.

...

"toni i... i don't love you," cheryl forced herself to say. her voice was quiet and timid. and once the words left her mouth the look of hurt on toni's face just made her feel guilty.

"goodbye cheryl."

and cheryl just watched her walk away. she didn't say anything. she didn't try to stop her. and as she walked away, a look of longing on her face, she could only think one thing.

_don't go._

"everything okay?" cheryl heard destiny's voice, and she turned around to face her. she squinted her eyes as she gazed deep into destiny's. and for the first time in almost two years of her relationship she didn't feel that spark. that spark that she used to feel when destiny looked at her. she was the person who looked at her like she was everything after the love of her life had stopped looking at her like that.

but the person that used to look at her like that just confessed her love for her and she just let her walk away, for what? her replacement?

"um... i... i don't know."

destiny stepped closer and slid her hands around her lower back. cheryl rested her hands on her elbows as destiny leaned forward, placing a light kiss to her lips.

when cheryl pulled away she was at a loss for words. as destiny smiled at her she felt like she wanted to cry.

"what's wrong, baby?" destiny cooed and cheryl stepped out of the embrace.

"i uh... i'm not feeling th- i... i'm not feeling well, i think i just need to be alone for a while."

"are you sure?"

"yeah, i'm sure."

destiny nodded and leaned in for a parting kiss but at the last second cheryl turned her face and she got her cheek. destiny looked at her with furrowed brows but didn't say anything further. she respected cheryl's wishes and left.

once destiny was gone cheryl went back into her bedroom and flopped back on her bed.

cheryl was fine. she and destiny were fine. she was happy and she was so okay with being friends with toni again; was elated to have her back in her life.

but that one confession suddenly changed everything. toni was still in love with her. had broke up with her boyfriend for her despite not even knowing if cheryl felt the same way.

and cheryl turned her down.

what was she supposed to say. she and toni hadn't been in that place in two years, and her current girlfriend was standing right behind her.

but when she said she didn't love her she instantly felt guilty.

why did she feel guilty. if she really didn't love her she wouldn't feel that way, right?

did she love her?

cheryl thought back to everything that has happened the past few weeks.

it all started with the graduation invitations. even though it took her a while to decide to send toni one she inevitably knew she wanted toni to be there. she needed toni to be there. she used to be the most important person in her life, of course she wanted her to be there.

then the graduation itself. after the ceremony all she could think about was how she was about to see her ex for the first time in a year, and the fact that she was so nervous. she didn't know why at the time but maybe she knows why now.

then the after party. cheryl was anxious as hell, and even though she was literally attached to destiny's hip she kept watching the door. waiting for toni to walk through. and when she did enter the party cheryl felt something. she didn't know what it was at the time but maybe she knows now.

then, during the entirety of the party cheryl wanted nothing more than to talk to toni. the second she found her alone she had sprung to her feet, and they had a conversation. the first conversation they had in a long time and it wasn't awkward. then toni invited her to lunch, and she agreed instantly.

then they had lunch, and the entire lunch she kept her hand on destiny's thigh and made flirty remarks with her. she swore that she was just trying to reassure destiny that there was nothing to worry about, but maybe deep down, she was trying to reassure herself.

then they went to boston for jughead's graduation. and that whole week leading up to all she could think about was how she wanted to see toni again. she told herself she just wanted to catch up, but deep down maybe it was more than that. then she and destiny had a fight and it made her want to see toni even more.

then the ceremony. those seats were so close together. and when toni sat next to her their knees touched, and she didn't hate the action, had to force herself to pull her leg away. not to mention she sat on the end on purpose, whether she realized then or not, in hopes that toni would sit next to her. then they renewed their friendship and cheryl was over the moon to have toni back in her life.

after the weekend in boston toni and cheryl started communicating via text message. and they texted quite frequently. she actually got excited every time toni sent her a text. she even started hiding her phone from destiny whenever she got a message from toni. something she never did before.

then she planned on getting her spark back with destiny with a date night to wicked, but destiny got sick and told her to invite someone else. she suggested veronica and josie and of course she asked them first, but the first person that came to mind to invite was toni.

veronica and josie had laughed at her saying they couldn't be friends. but she assured them that they could.

then they saw the musical and went to dinner. the evening was so amazing, until they said goodbye. and she saw toni's eyes drop to her lips. everyone knows that is one of the biggest signs that someone wants to kiss. but cheryl had tried so hard to convince herself it didn't happen. convinced herself that it was an error in toni's judgement since she had just had a fight with chase. but now knowing toni dumped chase for her, she knows it wasn't an error in judgment at all.

then toni called her the next day, crying, and told her she just broke up with chase. and cheryl’s first response was 'i'm on my way'. she dropped everything and headed straight to riverdale immediately.

then she cheered her up, and they reminisced about their past, and they talked about how they were going to marry each other. that's not a normal conversation you have with your ex. and she remembers how there were times when they just stared at each other. now that she's really thinking about it she realized that toni was looking at her in a way that she used to when they were dating.

and then they almost kissed, and cheryl almost let her. and now she’s almost certain toni was about to confess her feelings right there before destiny had called.

then just 20 minutes ago toni confessed her love. she wasn't expecting her to but she did. and she replied i can't. not i don't _. i can't_. and why couldn't she? because destiny was here when she said it. she didn't want to hurt the girl. the girl who had been so good to her. the girl who she had spent the past two weeks doing everything in her power to reassure that she had nothing to worry about.

but did she love destiny? they've never said it to each other. she cares about destiny a lot. they had been dating for almost two years. but she never felt that love for her. destiny had said once but she could never say it back, so destiny never said it again.

but toni. she just told her she didn't love her and instantly regretted it. instantly felt guilt and not just because she hurt toni. and she felt longing as she watched toni walk away from her, again.

all this time, since seeing toni at her graduation until now, cheryl was just pushing herself into denial. trying to convince herself that she was so happy with destiny and that she was _just friends_ with toni. and that the only reason she was so excited to have her back in her life was to reconnect as friends. but it was more than that. it was always more than that.

she didn't know it then.

but now-

_now-_

now she knows. she _knows_. and the realization hit her like a truck.

"what did i do?"

-

the minute veronica came home cheryl bursted out of her room.

"ronnie, i need to talk to you." she rushed out as she jogged in front of her before she could get to her room.

"what's going on?"

"i'm in love with toni!" she blurted and veronica's eyes went wide with shock.

"wait. wait what? how did- how-"

"and i ruined everything ronnie. i ruined everything. she was right here and i just ruined it." cheryl rambled out.

"woah woah. slow down. let's sit," veronica said calmly as she led cheryl to the couch. "okay, now what happened?"

"i messed up ronnie. she was here, toni was here a couple hours ago and confessed her love for me and i told her i didn't love her back." cheryl rambled out.

"but you do?"

"i do. but destiny was here, and toni caught me completely off guard and i panicked. but it was a lie. i love her veronica. i love her. all this time i've been trying my best to convince destiny that she had nothing to worry about with toni but i think i was just trying to convince myself. no, i _know_ i was. i didn't know it then, i was so deep in denial. but i know it now. i love her. i am in love with her. i always have been."

"so, why are you telling me this and not toni?"

"because it's too late. i ruined my chance."

"hey, it's never too late cheryl. i mean toni is in love with you that's not gonna go away in a day. but, you have to tell her how you feel, now."

"you're right i have to tell her. i just have to tell her." cheryl nodded confidently as she stood up from the couch and walked towards her room.

"where are you going?" veronica called out to her.

"to talk to destiny then i'm going to riverdale!" cheryl stated strongly as she exited her room with her purse and car keys in her hand.

"woo! go get your girl!"

-

cheryl knocked on destiny's apartment door and waited a few moments until it opened.

"hey babe, long time no see, come in."

"i can't i- we need to talk."

"what's up?" she asked wearing a look of concern as she leaned against the door frame.

she took a deep breath before-

"destiny. you are such an amazing girl and our time together has been great, and i really care about you but-"

"wait... are you breaking up with me?" destiny asked and cheryl gave her a look of guilt and sorrow. "but- we were fine this morning i- what did i do wrong?" tears began to well in destiny's eyes.

"you did nothing wrong destiny. like i said you're an amazing girl but-"

"you're in love with someone else." destiny accused and cheryl nodded. "it's toni isn't it?"

again cheryl just nodded and destiny's facial expression hardened.

"i knew it. i fucking knew it. so what, all of that _i'm with you_ and _you have nothing to worry about_ was just bullshit? you were in fucking love with her this whole time."

"it wasn't bullsh it destiny. i didn't know it then. hell, i didn't even know this morning until she showed up and confessed her love for me. and the only reason i didn't say it back was because you were there and i didn't want to hurt you."

"yeah, like you're hurting me now."

"destiny, i'm so sorry, but i can't control how i feel. don't you think it's better i'm letting you know now."

"whatever cheryl, let me ask you this," destiny said as she took a step closer. "did you ever love me. at all?"

"i'm sorry... but no. i cared about you a lot. and i don't regret our time together. but the reason i could never say i love you is because i've always been in love with toni. i'm sorry for hurting you destiny but i have to be honest."

"thank you for your honesty cheryl, and i really hope you get what you're looking for because i never want to see you again," destiny walked back into the apartment and slammed the door behind her.

cheryl only felt a little bad about how she ended her relationship with destiny. she would've felt worse if she wasn't a woman on a mission.

next stop, riverdale.

-

cheryl pulled her car in front of thomas topaz’s trailer. it’s crazy that she was just here yesterday, if only destiny hadn’t called maybe toni would’ve confessed her love then, and maybe cheryl would’ve been able to say it back without the lingering presence of a girl who suddenly just didn’t matter at this moment. and maybe they would’ve been able to have their happy ever after moment.

but it didn’t matter. cheryl was here now, and she was going to fix it. she has to fix it. not just for toni, but for herself.

she walked out of her car, slamming the door shut and literally jogged over to the short staircase. just as she reached the platform in front of the door she heard her name being called. or rather, a name she was very used to hearing when in this trailer park.

“yo, red!” sweet pea’s voice boomed out and cheryl turned to see both him and fangs walking towards her.

“not now, sweets,” she simply stated before turning back to face the door, and just as she was about to knock she was stopped again by fangs voice.

“if you’re looking for toni, she’s not here.”

“what do you mean she’s not here? where is she? pops?” cheryls asked as she descended the staircase, looking at the boys with raised eyebrows.

“she’s gone cheryl. she went back to california,” sweet pea gruffed.

“what?” she gasped in disbelief and at the simple nods from the two men her heart dropped, tears already welling in her eyes. “how- how could she leave without saying goodbye?”

“oh i don’t know, maybe because she just put her heart on the line and got rejected,” fangs responded, his voice wasn’t harsh but it wasn’t soft either.

“you know if you would’ve said _don’t go,_ she’d still be here red,” sweet pea added, his voice much harder than fangs.

“i didn’t even know- wh- what do you mean? she-” cheryl stuttered out, not even sure of what to say.

“you don’t know do you?” fangs said softly.

“know _what!”_

“cheryl, toni got a job offer in new york city. she was going to talk to you to figure out if she should take it or just keep the one in california,” fangs said slowly.

“i guess you not loving her was the answer she needed,” sweet pea added.

and that confession from the two boys caused the tears that were in cheryl’s eyes to spill over and roll down her cheeks. she fell down into the step, the guilt heavy on her chest. she told toni she didn’t love her, it wasn’t even the truth, and now she’s gone. it took her too long to realize and now it’s too late.

“i love her,” cheryl cried out.

“a little too late for that don’t you think?” sweet pea scoffed.

“pea,” fangs elbowed him in his side, before taking a seat next to cheryl in the step. “you do?”

“i do. but it took me too long to realize and now it’s too late. she’s gone.”

“you know it’s never too late to tell someone you love them.” fangs said, repeating the words veronica spoke to her earlier that day. “you could call her right now, i think her plane already took off but she can listen to the voicemail as soon as she lands.”

“no. no! i can not do this over voicemail,” cheryl abruptly stood up.

“where are you going?” sweet pea asked as cheryl brushed past him.

“to book a flight. i’m going to get the love of my life back.”

-

toni was back in california. the sun was shining, it was hot outside, but toni felt blue. it took everything in her not to cry while on the plane. not only did she lose chase but she lost the love of her life as well. all in the span of 24 hours.

when toni walked back into her apartment, it felt colder and smaller. she rolled her suitcase into her bedroom and dropped her duffel bag on the floor. she opened the closet door and started to cry again. all of chase's clothes and shoes were gone.

she walked over to the dresser and opened all the drawers and the only things that remained in there were her clothes. she searched the entirety of the apartment. all of his stuff from the bathroom was gone, his playstation and games were gone, all of his movies, his chains, rings and watches, his coffee mugs, the keurig he bought, his cameras, all of his photographs that used to hang on the wall, even the flat screen tv that once sat in the living room, everything chase owned was gone. which meant chase was really gone and had no reason to return.

toni found herself back on the bed. she curled up and began to cry again. she didn't even want chase anymore, but the love of her life rejected her and it hit her that she was back in california, alone. so for the next hour toni just cried, letting everything out.

toni didn't even realize she dozed off until her eyes were opening another hour later. with a groan lifted herself out of the bed, and stretched her tight muscles.

she took a scorching hot shower washing the flight, her tears, and everything else away. she exited the shower, dried her skin and hair, and wrapped herself in a fuzzy pink robe. she moved into the kitchen to prepare some food for herself.

she pulled a pack of chicken flavored ramen noodles out of the cabinet and filled a pot with water. just as she was about to turn the stove on there was a knock on her door.

confused as ever toni, toni walked to the front door, wondering who the hell would be knocking on her door at 10 pm. for a split second she thought it would be chase, but then she remembered he had no reason to be here.

she tightened her robe around her body and opened the door, and she audibly gasped, her eyes going wide, her body frozen in shock, for cheryl blossom was standing right before her.

"ch-cheryl? what are-" before she could even finish her sentence she was cut off by a surprisingly harsh tone.

"you didn't say goodbye!" she shouted and toni was taken aback. "how could you leave without saying goodbye!"

"you- you told me you didn't love me cheryl. i couldn't say goodbye to you after that. i couldn't even look at you!"

"and you didn't even stop to think about how that would hurt me!?"

"why would it hurt you, cheryl!? you made it clear how you feel!"

"because i love you toni!" cheryl blurted and once again toni was frozen in shock. "is that clear enough for you! i love you!"

"no! you- you can't do that! you can't just change your mind! how do i know your aren't gonna change it back! you-"

and whatever else toni was about to say was cut off as cheryl grabbed her neck and pulled her into a harsh kiss.

the first time their lips have touched in two years. and even though it was a heated moment kiss it felt right. for the both of them.

cheryl pulled away with a loud smack looking at her intently, and toni is looking at her the same.

"i never changed my mind in the first place. i love you toni and there's nothing you can do about it."

toni's eyes move between cheryls eyes and her lips a few times before she growled.

"oh yes the fuck there is." toni wrapped her hands around cheryl's neck and and pulled into the apartment, pushing the door shut with her foot before pulling her down for a bruising kiss.

it's not the sweet, romantic, cliche movie reunion type kiss toni thought they were going to have. it's heated, their lips moving together harshly, teeth biting down on bottom lips. but toni wouldn't have it any other way. this was the perfect reunion kiss for them.

toni tangled her fingers into cheryl's hair, tugging lightly, as she sucked on her bottom lip. she slid her tongue into cheryl's mouth, the both of them groaning at the action as they tilted their heads and deepened the kiss even more.

cheryl was the first to pull away, and she trailed her lips down toni’s neck. she sucked fervently on her neck, she bit down harshly on her pulse point before laving over the area with her tongue. cheryl lowered her hands down toni back over her backside, covered by the fluffy material of her robe.

toni lolled her head back with a light moan as she continued to tug at cheryl’s roots. having cheryl’s lips back on her like this was something she thought would never happen again. and she was already extremely turned on.

“cheryl,” she murmured.

cheryl lips found toni’s again with a hum, the kiss deep, mouths open, loud smacks echoing through the apartment. she moved her hands from around her back and fiddled with the tie of her robe. she pulled the tie apart and pushed her robe open without tearing her lips away from toni’s.

cheryl’s rested her palms against toni’s stomach and moved them to rub up and down her sides, then all over her back before lowering back down to her backside.

toni got lost in the kiss. lost in the feeling of finally being able to kiss the live of her life, when she suddenly remembered why she hadn’t kissed her in almost two years. she pulled away with a hiss.

“wait. what about destiny?”

cheryl literally growled and dug her nails into toni’s backside, yanking her forward.

“there is no destiny.” cheryl husked, then she snapped. she leaned back in to capture her lips in another harsh kiss, kissing her with a bruising pressure and sucking extremely messily at her lips.

she lowered her hands down to toni’s thighs, bent her knees and lifted toni in the air with a grunt, the other girl yelping in surprise.

“where... is... your bedroom?” cheryl asked between kisses.

toni nodded her head back towards an open door and from where cheryl stood she could see her bed through the open door. she hiked toni higher up her body and kissed all over her chest as she walked in that direction.

“take it off,” cheryl growled into her neck just as she entered the bedroom. and seeing as toni was only wearing one thing she didn’t need to be told twice or question what she meant.

she barely got the robe off her body before she was literally thrown on top of her bed. her back hit the mattress with a gasp and she blinked in shock as she looked up at the redhead standing over her. her eyes were black with lust, her bottom lip caught between her teeth, and she looked hungry, like she was about to devour toni. and that looked caused toni’s heart to thump in her chest and lightning to shoot down to her core.

cheryl began to undress. and she didn’t take her time. she ripped her clothes from her body. first her shirt, then she kicked off her shoes, then her pants, and she was left in her bra and panties, black lace.

toni didn’t even get to enjoy a view that she hasn’t seen in almost two years, before cheryl pounced on her.

and cheryl was completely rough with her. it’s not the first time they have had rough sex, and definitely not the first time cheryl has been in control, it was always fifty fifty, but it’s the first time she’s ever been this rough. but toni was not complaining.

cheryl captured her lips in a crushing kiss, sucking on her tongue, sucking, biting and tugging in her lips. she kissed down her neck, leaving two marks on her skin, one over her pulse point, and one at the base of her neck.

she kissed down her chest hurriedly, but lips so tender. she sucked another mark on the top of toni’s right breast before kissing lower until she sucked a nipple into her mouth.

“oh fuck,” toni gasped as she bucked her hips up against cheryl’s stomach.

cheryl switched to the other one, nibbling and sucking her, not too hard to hurt, but hard enough to have her moaning and cursing, just like she remembered toni liked.

she pulled away with a suction sounding pop and trailed hot kisses back up to her lips.

toni reached down to grope at cheryl’s backside but didn’t get to enjoy the feeling for long, because almost immediately cheryl grabbed her wrists and pinned her hands to the bed above her head.

“woah okay,” toni gasped, looking up at cheryl lustfully. she bit down on the corner of her lips before cheryl’s lips were on hers again.

as cheryl moved her lips against hers, tongues pressing on every kiss, she crossed toni’s wrists and locked them with her left hand as her right hand traveled down her body until she reached her core.

she swiped her finger through her folds before using two fingers to rub circles into her clit, causing the girl beneath her to groan into her mouth.

cheryl knew toni’s body perfectly. she knew how to edge her up and she knew how to get her off quickly. even after two years cheryl knew exactly what to do and when to do it.

cheryl trailed her lips down to her neck as she lowered her fingers down her entrance. she slid one finger in smoothly, hissing at her wetness. she slid it back out in one fluid motion only to slam two fingers into her roughly, biting down on her neck at the same time.

toni winced, biting down in her bottom lip, releasing it with a whispered, “fuck.” she tried to move her hands but cheryl growled into her neck and pushed them further into the mattress as she slammed her two fingers into her.

she added a third finger, thrusting them hard inside of her, and pushed her thumb into her clit once, causing toni’s hips to jerk up involuntarily with a wince of pleasure.

cheryl bit down once more on her neck before raising up on her knees. while continuing her thrusts inside of toni she lifted her right leg to rest on her shoulder and leaned back down on her left hand.

she continued to thrust into her and was far from gentle. and she shocked both herself and toni when she mumbled-

“mmm two years without this pussy is too long.”

“oh- oh f-fuck. this is new,” toni moaned out with a giggle and cheryl scoffed. toni furrowed her brows at the response.

“you leave without saying goodbye, then i fly all the way here to tell you i love your dumb ass and you have the audacity to say i’m gonna change my mind,” cheryl finished with a rather hard thrust into toni, causing her to bounce up the bed.

“o-okay damn! fuck!”

cheryl doubled down her efforts, using her hips to slam her fingers into toni and toni was in absolute bliss. it’s been a while since she was fucked like this. suddenly a lightbulb went off in her head.

“and how should i know? y-you still might- fuck- change your mind.” toni was egging her on, on purpose, wanting cheryl to be as rough with her as possible. she craved it.

“i’m three knuckles deep in you and you say that to me right now,” cheryl growled.

“show me i’m wrong.” toni smirked smugly.

“oh, you want me to show you you’re wrong?”

before toni could reply cheryl yanked her fingers out of toni and dropped her leg to the bed. toni looked at her confusingly but then she could’ve swore she saw cheryl eyes get even darker.

“turn around.”

it was a command, and toni didn’t need to be told twice. she flipped over onto her stomach, shouting _‘oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck’_ in her head.

“hands and knees,” cheryl commanded again, placing a smack to her rear.

toni bit down on her lips as she rose up on her hands and knees.

cheryl groped her backside before rubbing her hands up and down her back.

“i thought i’d never get to see you like this again,” cheryl said out loud but more to herself. she scooted closer and gripped her hip with her left hand as she rubbed her fingers through her folds from behind with her right hand.

with three fingers she slammed back into toni, causing her to release a high pitch grunt as her body jerked forward. she moved them in and out of her roughly, gradually speeding up.

“cheryl fuck!” toni gasped as she bowed her head and gripped the bedsheets between her fingers.

cheryl placed a smack to toni’s rear before sliding her free hand up the plane of toni’s back until she reached her hair. she wrapped her almost completely faded pink hair around her hand and tugged her head back, as she used her hips to help thrust her fingers into her.

cheryl _fucked_ toni, and it was far from gentle. she was completely taking her. pounding her fingers relentlessly into her with the help of her hips. her grip on her hair never loosening. and the sounds toni was making was causing her own arousal to pool between her legs. she was moaning and wheezing on every thrust, her voice a higher octave than usual.

“oh fuck!”

“fuck toni, you look so hot. give it to me girl,” cheryl encouraged her and toni began rocking her hips back against cheryl’s hand, matching her rhythm.

after a couple minutes, cheryl curled her fingers into her spot, still easily being able to find it, and toni saw stars.

“oh GOOOD _cheryl!”_

cheryl released her hand and raked her nails down her back and placed a hard smack to toni’s backside, causing her to yelp in between her consistent moans. cheryl gripped her shoulder and helped push her down into her fingers. her hand was started to cramp up but pushed forward, not easing up for a second.

“you close baby?” cheryl asked gruffly.

“fuck yes!”

“you wanna cum for me?”

“yes! only for you!”

and those words, _only for you_ , not only sent lightning down to cheryl’s core, but also caused a fluttering in her heart.

“rub your clit for me baby, i want you to cum.”

toni put all of her weight on her left hand, and used her right hand to rub vigorously on her bundle of nerves. she couldn’t help but think about how the last time she rubbed herself like this she was in the shower thinking of cheryl. and now she was doing it while the girl who was on her mind that day, fucked her into oblivion.

“oh shit oh sh- i’m cumming i’m cu- AH!”

and toni came, hard. her body shook, waves crashing through her as she released the filthiest moan.

cheryl slowed her speed down, but kept the same force, working her through her orgasm. as toni started to come down she slowed her fingers and softened her thrusts. and when she was completely finished she removed her fingers as toni collapsed onto her stomach with a huff.

cheryl shoved her fingers into her mouth to clean them off and she closed her eyes and moaned at the taste. _fuck,_ that taste. she needed more.

“flip over for me baby, i wanna clean you up,” cheryl cooed as she patted toni’s backside. toni flipped over on her back and cheryl licked her lips as she stared down at her glistening core.

cheryl dropped down to her stomach, coming face to face with toni’s wetness, and she stuck her tongue out, taking her first lick of the girl in two years. she moaned loudly. cheryl meant to be soft this round but the taste of toni on her lips sent her into overdrive.

cheryl lifted toni’s legs onto her shoulder and dug her nails into her skin as she dove in. she basically sucked the soul out of toni, eating her out with the same force as she the pounding she just gave her. and cheryl was moaning over and over into her core, sending constant vibrations through her.

and poor toni didn’t know what the fuck to do. she grabbed at cheryl hair, the bedsheets, the headboard. she was so sensitive she even tried to pull herself away from cheryl's attack, before cheryl pulled her back to her mouth. her back arched high off the bed as her hips bucked into cheryl’s mouth. she was moaning and whimpering uncontrollably and tears welled into her eyes but, fuck, it felt so fucking good. she never wanted cheryl to stop.

her impending orgasm was so intense, the coil in her stomach was so tight, and getting tighter and tighter by the second.

and the second cheryl slid two fingers into her, as she sucked in her clit, toni didn’t even get the chance to tell her she was close as her orgasm caught her off guard, exploding in her unexpectedly.

“ _oh FUCK! oh f-”_ toni shouted, as her hips bucked sloppily into her mouth.

and cheryl worked her through it, sucking up every last bit of her until her body went stiff. cheryl placed one last kiss to her core before sliding her fingers out of her again, sucking them clean.

toni’s body collapsed into the mattress, breathing raggedly, her chest rising and falling, eyes remaining closed.

cheryl sat up on her knees, sitting down on her heels as she rubbed her hands up and down toni’s thighs. just watching her as her breathing started to calm down.

finally toni opened her eyes and stared up at cheryl.

“damn, bombshell.” she gasped.

“uhh... sorry,” cheryl smiled crookedly.

“oh no, no. don’t be. that was... fuck. and you are... _fuck.”_

“you really can’t think of any other adjectives.”

“not when you fuck me like that... but now i want some payback.” toni smirked, and reached up to grab cheryl by her neck and pull her down for another heated kiss.

for awhile they just kissed, toni giving her body a minute to relax. but as time passed their kisses grew more heated and she could tell cheryl was desperate for some friction by the way she was rocking on top of her and the way she was moaning into her mouth.

toni slid her hands all over her back, drawing red stripes into her fair skin. she lowered them down over her backside and squeezed, groped and smack her flesh, barely covered by her lace panties.

"mmm toni," cheryl grunted into toni's mouth.

toni slid her hands under the material of her panties and dug her nails into cheryl's skin before sliding her hands down, dragging the underwear with her.

cheryl breathed heavily and sat up on her knees. she removed her panties herself and tossed them on the floor before leaning her body back on top of toni.

"eager are we," toni giggled as she kissed cheryl again.

"you think?" cheryl shot back, humming as toni slid her tongue in her mouth.

as they kissed, toni pushed her hands into the bed and sat up, adjusting their legs so cheryl was now seated in her lap, her legs on either side of her. toni pulled away from cheryl's lips to trail sloppy kiss down her jaw and neck.

toni scraped her teeth over her pulse point and sucked the skin into her mouth, and continued sucking until she left a mark. she trailed lower and marked the base of her neck as well. when she said payback she meant payback.

she trailed her lips lower, nipping at her collar bone, and kissed all over her chest. she swirled her tongue in the valley of cheryl's breast as she slid her hand up her back and found her bra clasp.

she unhooked it and backed away to peel the material from her body. she tossed it away along with her robe and other clothes and took a second to stare at cheryl's breasts. it was the first time she has seen a pair of naked breasts in two years and the fact they were cheryl's made it all the better.

she licked her lips hungrily before leaning down, sucking over the top of her left breast until she left a mark. three for three. she trailed her lips lower and took her nipple into her mouth. toni hummed and squeezed her back as she took more of her in her mouth.

cheryl threw her head back with a moan as she tangled her fingers into toni's hair, pulling on her roots all while pushing her closer at the same time.

cheryl rolled her hips into toni, and toni placed her hands on her hips and encouraged her movements, her center grinding against her lower stomach, as she switched back and forth between her breasts. but it wasn't enough. she needed more. she needed toni.

"toni, fuck, i need you."

wasting no time, aware of how worked up cheryl already was, she moved her hand around the front of her body and swiped one finger through her wetness.

"damn," toni whispered.

"please, the way you just came for me and you're surprised?"

"not surprised, just in awe."

"shut up and fuck me."

and toni didn't need to say anything else. she leaned forward and captured cheryl's lips, sucking messily at them as she rubbed firm circles on her clit. she switched from circles, to side to side, to up and down, back to circles, in no particular rhythm or order but had cheryl moaning into her mouth.

toni bit down on cheryl's bottom lip and tugged it back before releasing it. she wrapped her hand around the back of her neck and sucked on her neck, from the base all the way up to the spot on her ear. sucking sensually on her.

toni slid her fingers lower, circling her entrance a couple times before slamming two fingers into her.

"oh fuck!" cheryl gasped as she tugged at toni's roots.

toni thrusted her fingers roughly in and out of her, her other hand gripping her hip, encouraging cheryl's movements as she rolled into her. soon toni added a third finger and cheryl hissed at stretch.

"toni," she moaned out.

toni pulled away from her neck to look at cheryl who's head was still lolled back and eyes still closed.

"look at me, baby," toni rasped, and cheryl tilted her back down and opened her eyes to look into toni's. "fuck you're so hot," toni growled. she pressed her thumb into cheryl's clit as she curled her fingers into her spot.

"toni- shit!" cheryl's eyes fluttered closed and she leaned forward to rest her forehead against toni's, her brow tilted down and her mouth parted as she panted into her face.

"yeah, you like that?"

"oh yes!"

"nobody can fuck you like me."

"fuck- nobody. nobody." cheryl moved her head to bite down on her shoulder as she dug her nails into her back.

"you getting close baby?"

"so close."

"you wanna cum for me."

"i do."

"how bad?"

"so bad. i need it. i need you."

toni sped her thrusts up and pressed even harder into her clit rubbing it from side to side.

"give it to me." toni growled.

and cheryl did. her hips stuttered as she came. her orgasm sending shockwaves through her body. she came with toni's name on her lips she dug her nails into toni's shoulder blades, and dug her teeth into the top of her shoulder. this was by far the hardest orgasm she's had in two years.

and toni didn't stop. she didn't slow down or ease up. if anything she doubled down, her three fingers pumping relentlessly, not even giving cheryl a chance to breathe. she pressed into her spot on every thrust and she rubbed her thumb every which way over her clit

"oh shit oh shit. _toni!"_

"give me another one."

and with three more insistent pumps cheryl came again with a broken cry, her second orgasm rippling through her entire body. she clawed up toni's back as she bucked her hips into her sloppily.

and toni completely lost the rhythm but she didn't care. she continued moving her fingers, gradually slowing down but keeping her fingers still, deep inside her.

"oh shit," cheryl shuddered as she picked her head up off her shoulder and leaned back, only to lean forward and peck toni's lips.

"tell me about it," toni slowly removed her fingers, cheryl wincing at the sensitivity, and stuck them in her mouth. her eyes fluttered closed with a moan as she reveled in the taste of cheryl for the first time in two years. "fuck... cheryl i need one more, please. fuck- you're just so insatiable."

"how do you want me?"

instead of a verbal answer toni leaned back, her head hitting the pillows. she pushed them all aside, falling to the floor, until her head was laying flat against the mattress.

toni placed her hands on cheryl's hips and pulled her forward as she licked her lips and cheryl knew exactly how she wanted her.

cheryl scooted up her body until she was hovering over her mouth.

toni pulled her down and delved into her heat. moaning instantly at the taste and feeling. toni licked, flicked and sucked on her clit. she switched from circling her clit with tongue to rapidly flicking her tongue over it like the snake that was permanently marked on her skin. and she sucked on her like it was the last thing she'd ever do. she moaned over and over into her and groped her backside, as cheryl rode her face. occasionally toni would slide her tongue into her entrance causing the girl above her to curse loudly. and soon she brought cheryl to another earth shattering orgasm. it was her plan to keep going and send her into another one but she heard cheryl tapping her headboard like she was tapping out and she raised off of her with a hiss.

"FUCK!"

cheryl moved her trembling legs off of toni and laid down on her back, next to her with a tired huff, breathing heavily, much like toni was before.

"now that's how we do it," toni chuckled and cheryl breathed out a laugh as she raked her fingers through her hair.

they both just laid there in comfortable silence for a while, in post orgasm bliss, as their bodies relaxed. the realization of what they just did also starting to dawn on them. cheryl actually flew all the out to california to confess her love. and then they had sex. amazing sex. in the bed who just three weeks ago she shared with her ex boyfriend.

and then, because her brain hates her, she started thinking about that ex boyfriend, and how she ended up dating him in the first place, and how and why she and cheryl broke up.

"cheryl. we just had sex," toni suddenly stated, breaking the comfortable silence.

"yeah, we did," cheryl chuckled and when toni didn't laugh or say anything she turned to look at her, trying to read her face to understand what she was thinking about, and she had a strong feeling she knew exactly what toni was thinking about.

"toni," cheryl turned to face her and toni mirrored her position. cheryl reached out and grabbed her hand, and interlaced their fingers. "just so you know, i didn't just fly all the way out here for a booty call. i know a lot has happened between us... a lot... but i meant what i said. i love you toni. and i'm sorry it took me so long to realize that i always have, but i do, and i want to be with you."

"but how do we know it's not gonna get fucked up again?" toni asked softly.

"it won't-"

"how can you be so sure?"

"i... i'm not. but i know that i love you. and i know you love me too?"

"you know i love you cheryl."

"then that's all that matters. right?"

"i really want it to be cheryl. i want us to have a happy ending but... i'm scared. i'm scared of losing you again. so i need to know that this is for real, that this is serious, and not just post sex talk."

"you want to know how serious i am?" cheryl asked and toni nodded. cheryl then hops out of the bed, all in her naked glory and leaves the room.

toni furrowed her brows in confusion and she was about to get up to see where cheryl ran off to until she came back into the room, one hand behind her back.

cheryl sat back down on the bed and toni sat up and leaned back against the headboard.

"this is how serious i am," cheryl revealed her hand that was hidden behind her back and toni gasped as she looked down at the black box that sat in the palm of her hand. cheryl opened it to reveal that promise ring that once lived on her finger.

"you kept it all this time?"

"i could never get rid of it. i never knew why but i know now. and that's because it belongs on your finger. toni this... us... it's for real. it always has been. and this ring symbolizes that. you're my forever and always, that's what i said when i first gave it to you. and i know we got lost along the way but we found our way back to each other. we're... we're like eli and clare." cheryl chuckles.

"who?"

"this couple from some show veronica watches. apparently they were soulmates, and no matter what happened to them they always got pulled back into each other's orbits. that's us, toni. we're soulmates. we _are_ forever and always. so please, put this ring back on your finger where it belongs."

"okay," toni said, looking at cheryl with the doughiest eyes ever; looking at her like she is her everything.

cheryl smiled, tears welling in her eyes as she took the ring out of the box. she slid it onto toni's finger and pulled her hand up to her lips to place a kiss over it.

the weight of it felt so familiar. it felt right. it felt like coming home.

"never take this off again," cheryl said softly.

"never. i love you, cheryl blossom."

"and i love you, antoinette topaz."

and they met each other halfway to share the softest of kisses.


	14. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whewwww another fic finished. y'all don't mind if i get emotional for a sec right?
> 
> this fic... i went from loving it to hating it to loving it again. when i first started this i was writing the role reversal at the same time and my heart was with the role reversal so i felt it would be better to put this fic on hold as to not taint the content, especially if i wasn't into it. and i am so glad i decided to do that.
> 
> thank you to all of those that waited patiently for this fic to come back, and if you never even read the first version well... lucky you ahaha. but thank all of you for reading and for all of your kudos and comments! and thank y'all for all of your comments on twitter too!
> 
> i can't end this fic without giving another shoutout to michele and maria! thank you both for all of your help with this fic and for being my biggest hypemen every time i sent you a new chapter.
> 
> okay i'm done talking now. please enjoy the final chapter of the college fic!

_6 months later._

toni clicked away on her computer, adding the final touches and edits from her shoot on monday, before her deadline in twenty minutes. she finished the last of her edits within five minutes and just as she submitted the files her boss walked into her office.

"good afternoon toni. how's it coming?" the tall woman, skin just a shade darker than toni's, greeted as she walked in.

"just submitted it actually, would you like a sneak peek?"

"i always do." the woman smiled and walked around toni's desk to look at one of the photos from the shoot she did earlier in the week.

the photo she was looking at was an action shot of a woman breakdancing on top of a flattened piece of cardboard. wearing the new athletic line from which the company she works for designed.

"wow, toni. this is incredible. you always amaze me."

"i just try to do my best."

"don't be so modest. give yourself credit where credit is due. you have remarkable talent toni, and i for one am so glad you decided to take this job."

"i really am too." she smiled as she turned to her screen to admire her own photograph.

"well since you're done why don't you pack up and head home early."

"are you sure?"

"of course! it's 4:30 on a friday. go home."

toni thanked her boss before logging out of her computer. she gathered her things, and left her personal office, locking the door behind her, and headed for the elevators.

when she got to the ground floor she walked out of her building and stood on the sidewalk as she took in the hustle and bustle of the city, before walking towards the subway.

after cheryl followed her to california and confessed her love, that very next morning toni accepted the job in new york and within a week toni was all packed up and moving back to the east coast.

she moved in with cheryl, veronica and josie, it was an adjustment living with three other girls, but it has been great.

and speaking of great, she and cheryl were _great_. they were better than great. they had rekindled their relationship and spent the first few months of their relationship reconnecting; physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. they had a lot of long emotional talks and a lot of sex.

they weren’t like the old cheryl and toni. they were the new cheryl and toni. they matured, and connected on a deeper level than they did back in high school. they were so connected they could just tell what the other was thinking or feeling.

they were understanding of each other’s busy schedules, especially once cheryl started her law program. but their communication was ten times better than it was during their undergraduate college careers.

and cheryl and toni’s friends were also happy they were back together. veronica and josie never liked destiny anyway, and neither did sweet pea and fangs about chase. on the fourth of july everyone returned to riverdale to have a mini reunion, a barbecue and firework show. and it felt like old times. the whole gang back together again.

life has been so great since getting back together, and cheryl and toni have never been happier.

"honey i'm home!" toni called out as she opened the door to their apartment, smiling the second she saw cheryl sitting at the kitchen island, typing away at her laptop.

"hello my love," cheryl hummed, not taking her eye away from her laptop.

toni smirked as she walked up to cheryl, she pressed herself into her side, and wrapped her arms around her waist.

"may i have a proper hello, please," toni pouted and cheryl paused her typing and turned to face toni.

her lips curled into a soft smile and she leaned forward to press her lips to toni's, pulling away slowly. "hello my love," she greeted with more enthusiasm.

"thank you," toni chuckled before pressing one more quick kiss to her lips. "how's the paper coming?"

" _ughhh_ , so stressful. who knew law school could be this stressful." cheryl groaned as she resumed her typing.

"um... everyone?" toni joked as she moved to stand behind cheryl. she wrapped her hands around her lower stomach and rested her chin on her shoulder. "are you almost finished?"

"yep, i have about a page left and then i am finally done."

toni moved cheryl’s hair back and pressed her lips into her neck and another to her shoulder.

"you seem tense." toni said as she pulled back and started to massage her shoulder.

"that's because i am. this paper has been killing me."

"i know, you've been working so hard all week." toni dug her thumbs deeper into her shoulders.

"mmm, keep doing that," cheryl hummed as she rolled her head back.

"tell you what," toni placed a kiss to her cheek, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. "why don't you knock out this last page, and then i'll run us a hot bath..."

"i'm listening."

"give you a nice back massage... and then," toni nibbled on her earlobe before sucking it into her mouth.

cheryl released a heavy breath and craned her head around to face toni. she cupped her cheek and captured her lips in a sweet kiss.

"you're so good to me toni topaz."

toni leaned down for one more kiss which turned into two, then three.

"get to work." toni pulled away with a smirk, and walked towards their bedroom, swaying her hips a little extra, knowing cheryl was watching her walk away.

toni figured she had a little bit of time before cheryl finished her paper so she took her time to get everything ready. she lit two vanilla scented candles, put one in the bedroom and one in the bathroom.

she plugged the drain of the bathtub and turned the water on, making it extra hot just like cheryl likes. she dropped a bath bomb in the water, making the water a glittery pinkish-red hue. she also dropped in a splash of bubble bath, just to make a thin layer of bubbles on top of the water.

as the tub filled up, toni grabbed her portable speaker and connected her phone. she opened her spotify app and clicked on her slow jams playlist, setting it to the perfect volume to create a relaxing ambience.

when the tub was full she turned the water off, taking a moment to appreciate the aroma she created, the vanilla candle mixed with the cherry scent of bubble bath, the whole bathroom smelled like cheryl.

she pulled her hair up into a high bun and stripped her clothes. she wrapped herself in her black silk robe and left the room. she walked down the short hallway to cheryl still sitting at her laptop.

"progress?" toni asked as she stood behind cheryl once again, rubbing her hands down her arm. 

"finally finished," cheryl turned her chair around and toni moved to stand in front of her. she placed her hands on her thighs as cheryl rested her forearms on her shoulders. "and ready to relax with you."

"follow me then." toni grabbed cheryl's hand and pulled her off of the chair and back towards the room, her eyes scanning her body.

when they walked into the bathroom cheryl took a moment to take in her surroundings, the smell, and the sound of the music. she already felt more relaxed just being in here.

without a word toni stepped closer to cheryl and grabbed the hem of her shirt, she lifted it over her head and began to undress cheryl until she was bare. she took a moment to scan her naked body, it still amazed her how beautiful cheryl is. and it amazed her even more that she gets to see her like this again.

"you are so utterly gorgeous, baby."

cheryl pulled the tie of toni's robe and slowly removed the robe from her body, letting it drop to the floor.

"as are you my love."

cheryl pulled her hair up into a bun as toni submerged in the water first, followed by cheryl. she sat in between toni's legs and leaned her back against her chest, humming in content as the hot water soothed her tense muscles.

for a while they just laid there in silence, completely relaxed, eyes closed as they listened to the music.

toni's hands rested on cheryl's stomach, and cheryl's hands rested on top of hers, their fingers loosely intertwined.

toni dropped her lips to cheryl's shoulder, pressing pillowy kisses across her skin. she trailed her lips up to her neck, sucking the skin gently between her lips.

cheryl released a breathy hum as she leaned her head back against toni's shoulder. she squeezed her hands and pulled toni's arms tighter around her body.

toni moaned lightly, almost inaudibly, against cheryl's skin as she sucked on her pulse point. she trailed her hand slowly down cheryl's stomach until she reached her center. she circled her clit slowly under the water with her middle finger, causing cheryl to hum again and release a small breath through her mouth.

"how do you feel?" toni murmured into her ear.

"relaxed." cheryl responded airily.

"mmm, good."

toni worked her up slowly. rubbing on her bundle of nerves unhurriedly, keeping the speed constant and the pressure gentle, until she sent cheryl into a small yet still intense orgasm.

cheryl's breath hitched and she breathed out toni's name as toni worked her smoothly over the edge.

once they were pruny and the water started getting cold they exited the bathtub and dried off. toni carried her speaker into the bedroom to continue the peaceful vibe where cheryl found herself laying facedown on their bed, with toni straddling her backside.

toni rubbed oil into her hands and ran them up and down cheryl's back. she dug her thumbs into the small of her back, rubbing in deep circles as she worked her way up her spine and working the tension out of her shoulders. she smiled every time cheryl hummed or released a breath.

"God toni, your hands are magic."

toni giggled in response. "you feeling better, baby?" toni cooed.

"mhm."

toni continued to massage cheryl's back trying to ignore the fact that the sounds cheryl was making was turning her on. she made it to a full thirty minutes before she just couldn't take it anymore. she leaned forward and pressed her lips into the back of cheryl's neck as she rolled her hips, grinding her bare front into cheryl's bare backside.

"toni," cheryl gasped.

"mmm cheryl, i need you." toni moaned as she rolled her hips again, and again, and once more before cheryl rolled over on her back and pulled toni down to her lips.

-

about an hour later cheryl laid on her back, head propped up by her pillows, her legs wrapped around toni's waist as she laid between them. her hands were rested on her chest and her chin sat on top of her hands.

they just stared at each other, basking in the peacefulness as toni's playlist continued to play through the speaker.

cheryl brought a hand that rested on toni's back and curled a piece of hair behind her ear.

"your eyes are so beautiful," cheryl cooed as she tilted her head and blinked slowly. toni just smiled and chuckled in response. "thank you for today, baby."

"anything for you, sweetheart."

cheryl brought her hand up to toni's hair and massaged her scalp with her fingernails, remembering how much toni loved when she did that and toni basically purred in response.

"you still love when i do that huh?"

"you know me so well," toni sighed as she moved her hands to cheryl's side and laid her head on cheryl's chest.

it was silent again as _favorite part_ by mac miller played through the speaker. toni remembers listening to this song four years ago when she landed in california after having to part from cheryl. and she remembers how the song had instantly calmed her because it reminded her of cheryl.

she and cheryl have come a long way in four years. they were happy then they weren't then they broke up, but they found their way back to each other. they are exactly where they were destined to be. soulmates.

"hey cheryl," toni rasped as she slid her fingernails up and down cheryl's ribcage.

"hmm," she hummed in response.

"i just want you to know how much i love you. i love you more than i can even explain."

cheryl pressed a kiss to her hairline.

"i love you too ma cherie. you're my forever and always."

toni lifted her head up and scooted up her body so they were face to face.

"forever and always," she repeated. she leaned to press a soft kiss to cheryl's lips, moving them against hers lovingly. she slid her hands under her back and cupped the back of her neck as they made out slowly.

however, their moment was ruined when they heard the front door to the apartment open and josie and veronica walked in talking loudly, like they were arguing about something.

toni hesitated their kiss with a sigh as she pulled away slowly.

"what do you think they're arguing about this time?" toni asked.

 _"fine let's go ask cheryl what she thinks,"_ they heard veronica say from outside the room, before hearing her heels clacking on the hard wood floor getting louder and louder.

"uh oh. did you lock the door?" toni asked.

"nope." cheryl responded and she grabbed the comforter and pulled it over their naked bodies, just as veronica reached her room and opened the door.

"cheryl, what do you- oh my God ah- i'm sorry i'm sorry," veronica rushed out as she covered her eyes with her hand.

"relax, ronnie, we’re just talking," cheryl responded with a chuckle but when veronica opened her eyes, the sight of toni still on top of her still made her feel like she interrupted something.

"my bad ladies, i guess it can wait until later," and veronica raised a polite hand and nodded and when the door was closed the couple burst out in laughter.

"babe, i love your roommates and all but we really gotta get our own place," toni chuckled out, not even realizing she was saying it, but it’s not like it’s the first time she’s thought about it, just like it’s not the first time veronica has walked in on them, luckily they weren’t in the middle of something this time.

“wait really?” cheryl said as she sat up against the headboard causing toni to rise with her, straddling her lap.

“i mean it’s not like we haven’t lived together before.”

“yeah but this is different it will- it will be our own place.”

“exactly. _ours_. our own place. our own space. we can decorate however we want. we can have peace and quiet, or be as loud as we want. we can be naked without having to worry about your roommates walking in.”

“ah, so that’s all you think about huh?” cheryl giggled and toni shook her head and leaned in for a quick peck.

“i mean no, but if i wanna take my lady over the kitchen counter, i’d rather do it without the risk of veronica or josie walking in.”

“such a sweet talker, you,” cheryl smirked with a hint of sarcasm and leaned in for another chaste kiss.

“but seriously babe. you’re kicking ass at law school and your part time job. and i’m working crazy hours at the company, and doing shoots. after a long day i would love nothing more to come home to my girl and relax without-”

suddenly a loud burst of laughter came from the living room followed by a few seconds of loud fast rambling.

“that.”

“so, you’ve really thought about this?”

“of course i have. haven’t you?” toni asked as she raked her fingers up and down the back of cheryl’s neck.

“well, so much has happened and we are in a really good place right now. i just didn’t want to rush anything.”

“baby,” toni adjusted herself on cheryl’s lap to get closer. “if you aren’t ready then we can stay here and put up with your roommates, and veronica’s insistent barging. but if you’re ready to start our lives together, then let’s do it. that was our original plan anyway. and i know those plans went awry, but now we have a second chance. let’s not waste it.”

toni stared into cheryl's eyes as she watched the girl think it over. but soon she saw her lips curl into a smile.

“okay. let’s do it. let’s get our own place.”

“wait, really?”

“yes really. let’s do it. let’s start our lives together.” cheryl cheered and toni wrapped her arms tightly around her neck as cheryl wrapped hers around toni’s back. they rocked side to side before cheryl slammed her down on her back with a giggle. she captured her lips in a sweet kiss, pushing and pulling their lips together for a little while before cheryl pulled back and gazed down into her eyes. she pressed a small kiss to her nose.

“i am so in love with you, antoinette topaz.”

“i am so in love with _you_ , cheryl blossom.”

they were ready. they were more than ready. after a very rocky four years cheryl and toni found their way back to each other. they were _eclare._ soulmates. and they were more in love than they ever have been, and their connection was stronger than they ever imagined. _they_ were stronger and were ready to take that step now, without fear of the other shoe dropping. and spoiler alert, it never did. 


End file.
